Cognitive Delectibles

Ash and Rain

2010-01-22T09:21:00.000-08:00

The days of rain have me thinking about seasons of life. A poem that has been comforting to me in times of struggle is by Masahide. (Thank you! Lauralee Farrar)

"Barn's burnt down
now---
I can see the moon."

My mind swells with imagery...

Prized possession, gone. Livelyhood taken. Everything I put my future in, up in smoke.
The ash flickers in my face; I brush it away like gnats. The hot wind stinks up my hair and discolors my garb.
But mostly, ash. Light as a feather, dirty as addiction, and like cinnamon ~ impossible to clean up.

Then, it rains. And rains. And rains. The ash turns to mud. Thick, gray, quicksand mud and it, lava-like, buries everything it touches as it creeps my way.

I hold my hood on - my raincoat is too big so I get wet anyway. The wind rips it from my back, an open parachute in the Chicago.
My feet are stone in the murky tide. I'm going to die... no, really. I'm going to die.

The rain stops. Sky clears, no longer rancid with wood/hay/manure smoke or dirty with haze. And I, like Shadrach, stand. I am unwounded but quite scarred. I am naked and clean and wet. I am not cold.

I am free to begin again.

I see something in the ash! Green. Ah.

Myth and film and MIT.

2008-06-09T09:26:00.000-07:00

[MIT Film Philosopher/performer Irving Singer defines myth as "an expression of the human spirit which is capable of being done in literary works, in film works, in other works of art.
I don't use the word myth in the connotation it often has, which means that its false.
mythology has always been a philosophical effort.
Without technique there is no meaning and without technique film is simply an exercise.
Myth is story, not scientific. Math is not myth, physics is not myth, although it has myth in order to describe it.
What are the stories that mean so much to people and how to they delve in humanity in a way no other thing can?"]

SO!
I have been listening to the uTunes Irving Singer MIT lectures in Film and Philosophy. I am kinda of suprised with how elementary the lectures are. Perhaps you need to do that for 18-23 yr olds who go to a very scientific school. He asks who had heard of Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho and no one raised their hand. WHAT!? Then, he asked about Amelie and one person has seen it.
No one knew who was Benigni - Life is Beautiful (which is more understandable to me, not many people have heard of this)
But Psycho?! COME ON PEOPLE!

One very cool part was that he is going to have them watch "Washington Square" and "The Heiress", which is a Henry James novel that turned film that turned Broadway play, in which I played Catherine (the female principal) about 5 years ago! (He is an opera buff too! He referenced Britten and A Turn of the Screw - neat!) That was fun to hear that Irving Singer thought this was worth lecturing on - I think it is, but hey, I am me.
He also will be lecturing on Pygmalion - the musical version is My Fair Lady.

Anyway, I haven't been having very stimulating intellectual moments lately, and so I have been feeling kind of dumb lately.
Thanks to MIT, I now feel smart again - since I knew all the stuff Singer was talking about in his lectures. I think I will email him, just for kicks to see if he'll respond to me - ya never know.
It feels nice to know I could handle the academic material at MIT. At least in Film. *wink*

Different

2008-06-06T11:12:00.000-07:00

I have obviously changed the look of the blog. I like this one better.
I am trying to figure out ways to get "up and running" with my business while waiting for P to finish the website.
I figured I could start writing or something, to give him stuff to post. Maybe he will believe me then when I say I want it to work. I haven't really given him much reason to think that I want it up.
Anyway, I don't live in LA anymore, as all of the people who actually check in on the blog from time to time already know because we all know each other anyway - for the most part.
In San Jose, wanting to rebuild vocal/acting/performing studio. Getting serious about career in the arts.

Help a sista out. If you know someone who wants to be good {in the arts} or learn something new {about themselves}. TELL THEM TO CONTACT ME.

I thought of a tagline that I think I like.... tell me what you think of this:

Michelle Markwart Deveaux
Private Instruction: Public Confidence

I am trying to think of another word for "Confidence" that gets at what I mean more directly and artistically. So far, I am eluded.

Found!

2007-11-26T10:58:00.000-08:00

I discovered that aside from a living tree (a tree in a pot), a cut tree is the most sustainable, fair trade option for Christmas-treeing.

So, we purchased a 6 foot tree from Shawn's Christmas Trees on Wilshire and 23rd here in Santa Monica. I really like that we were able to purchase one that was grown in Oregon (not Costa Rica!).

The reason a cut tree is best is because here in Santa Monica, we can take it across the street to the Park and have it mulched for compost!
I would have preferred a potted tree but the closest nursery that was selling them is 15 miles away (anyone in LA knows that means it is 2 hours away!) and you need to have a yard to plant it in after the season is over - which we do not have.

So now P and I are in the process of figuring out what the advent and Christmas season means for us in terms of theology and lifestyle, and in terms of decorating.

The fun and stress of a new marriage lies in needing to find those things that will be part of our traditions and celebration of holidays!
So far, we have come up with symbols like angels, stars, nativity scenes, and music to be used... but we are still coming up with it all.

BUMMER!!

2007-11-19T13:13:00.000-08:00

I am looking for a sustainable Christmas Tree option for this Christmas. Can you believe I can't find a tree in the immediate area that is either Living (in a pot)or made of Recycled material.

Suggestions?

Response to Uncle

2007-11-07T14:35:00.000-08:00

Recently I posted on a toy that glorifies what I feel are unfortunate gender roles. Uncle respectfully responded, essentially asking (or at least what I heard - and we all know that never gets confused!) if this was worth the worry considering several global devastations that concurrently exist.

It got me thinking about why I care about the former and rarely post on the latter.

After a couple weeks of thought, and being witness to a recent HEATED debate, I have come to the realization that I generally feel quite unable to contribute to the successful solution of "ending the war" (just as an example) while I feel like I CAN be a successful part of the solution in gender role issues and the like.

I enjoy seeing moments of "Ah-ha!" and since I do not get the privilege of seeing those in the context of politics, I usually focus on things like faith, culture, arts and education.
In my current work, I have the joy of seeing "ah-ha" moments in issues like gender roles and embedded theology. So those are the things I talk about. I know it, so I talk about it. Generally, it's best to not talk about things you don't know about - so unless I have already done significant research and can substantiate my claims - I just don't talk about it.

In the wise words of my mother:
Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool, then open it up and remove all doubt.

So while I care about what I perceive as a world wide ridiculous political situation, I don't talk about it much because I just don't know enough about it to have an intelligent conversation.

Perhaps this is sad and unfortunate, but hey, aren't there enough people out there talking about it in all their uninformed glory? I'd hate to take that away from them.

Oh good! It's worth it!

2007-11-06T09:16:00.000-08:00

Yummy!

Things I Can/Can't Control

2007-11-06T08:37:00.000-08:00

Can:
My alarm clock time
My oven
The speed of my car
My mouth
How much TV I watch
The people I let hug me
The people I let hurt me
How fast I type
How slow I walk
The color of my hair today and tomorrow
The smell of my breath after coffee
My pants size
The vegetables I eat
Where I spend my money

Can't:
What time it is
Pizza ovens at Bravo
The speed of the internet
GWB's mouth
What the kids next door watch on TV
The people whom I hug
The people whom I hurt
How fast monkeys type
How slow opposums walk
The color of the lilies of the field
The smell of Paul's breath in the morning
The pants industry
The vegetables our neighbor's kid eats
Where UMCOR spends money

Won't:
What time you wake up
The temp of your oven
The speed of your process
Your mouth
What you watch on TV
The people whom you hug
The people whom you hurt
How fast you type
How slow you walk
The color of your hair - ever
The smell of your breath after chocolate
Your pants size
Your veggie plate
Where you spend your money

Ahhh. Freedom.

Grrrrr......

2007-10-23T19:47:00.000-07:00

If you think that our society is become gender aware and equal then check out this.

Dang I hate hate hate our society sometimes.

Why doesn't this product come in BLUE huh?

Overhaul

2007-10-22T07:42:00.000-07:00

I did it folks. I purchased the domain name faithculturekiss.org
Now all I gotta do is research and decide how to get this thing off the ground.

The same thing is happening to me as usually occurs - I have so many ideas and so many directions to go that I wind up standing frozen in possibility, unable to tap potentiality.

(I don't think potentiality is a word - but I am not getting the red squiggle of death, and it sounds kinda nice in the "reader's internal voice" so I am keeping it in.)

Any thoughts on the subject are greatly welcome by comment or email.

The goal is to eventually have two blogs - personal and professional. toomanycds would stay its wonderful quirky and annoying self, while faithculturekiss would express my academic and consultant side. Which may wind up being just as quirky and annoying - who knows?! But there is the adventure! Huzzah!

I wish we lived in a world where they could mingle, but alas, emotion never seems to be quite as welcome as objectivity.

Completely hilarious to me, considering that most objectivity in culture is highly subjective and presented in overly emotional ways.

Gotta love it! SO ANYWAY -
let me know what you think?! Graphic Designer friends - now is your time to PIPE UP!!!!!

Lies the pharmacy told me...

2007-10-16T08:33:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: This is a harsh post. It has foul language markings. I know it. I considered softening it up, but then I felt like I was lying. I have several good friends who are on/have been on chemical birth control. I love you all. I don't think you are stupid, I am optimistic that you have discussed all issues with your physician.
I am not against birth control - I am against lies the drug companies tell us about what is good for our bodies. My intent here is to pose a question that will GIVE women BACK their sexual freedom, rather than leave them in this current state of pseudo-freedom which I believe chemical birth control enables and maybe even intensifies. Oh yeah, this post is also too long. Thanks a bunch for reading.

Once again, the prescription drug companies have convinced us that we need to put chemicals that could kill us into our bodies all for the sake of convenience. Fabulous.

Up until Vatican II (1964), birth control of any form was frowned upon by the Catholic Church. At the risk of over simplification, people of the Church were asked (told?) not to use birth control of any kind because it was stopping God’s natural intent/order of intercourse into babies from occurring. We (humans) are commanded in the book of Genesis to procreate, and birth control essentially stops that from happening. Which in some cases - is really good.

I think birth control in the form of a condom or FAM (my favorite! which requires you to actually pay attention to your own body) is a damn good idea – the gruesome image of a woman with a coat hanger stuck inside her or a family with one more mouth than paychecks could sustain come to mind and make me reach happily for a pack of Trojans. (latex - remember I am a vegetarian.)
Before I was married, that image just made me keep my pants on. What a concept.

However – there are forms of birth control out there that I think take a couple steps too far. The culprits?
Depo
The Ring
The Pill
Norplant
The Patch

See the pattern? Yup. All chemical drugs that infiltrate your body and basically convince it that you are already pregnant or that something is wrong with you and you should not be pregnant, and therefore, you don’t get pregnant.
I know, I know, these things are so much simpler than those awfully annoying 3 extra seconds it takes to put a condom on.
And don’t give me that “it ruins the mood” bull because finding out you have cancer or a bleeding cystic uterus kinda ruins the mood too. AND if you can't stay in the mood because of a condom interlude, then your idea and of sex and what it is and what it is for or about could use a serious overhaul. Educate yourself on the subject of the sexual revolution and then tell me who you think it was really beneficial to - women or men? (Bunny trail! Quick! Get it!)

I think it really hit me hard today while watching TV and seeing an ad for a new pill, Seasonique. Sounds pretty doesn't it?

This ad (see it here) has two sides of the same woman talking about taking the new pill.
Let’s ignore - for the lack of space - the obviously offensive idea that woman have to be one or the other (logical or emotional) and that decisions are made in such a way.
BUT let us consider the fact that this new pill will give you only 4 periods a year. Hmmmm.
No uh, I mean, that's great, right? Knowing that our lives as sexually active, getting exactly what we want (or what our male counterparts want?) when we (they?) want it women (men?) are totally inconvenienced and horrific because of – wait – here it comes – NATURE.
COME ON WOMEN OF THE U.S. AND EUROPE! (We all know that these special chemicals are not available in those poor, sad, emerging world cultures. Yes, sarcasm.)
GET OVER YOURSELVES! AND SUCK IT UP AND HAVE A &*@)((^% PERIOD! And tell your male-ies to keep their pants on for a week and have a bout of intellectual intercourse.

Don’t we understand? Have we been that misled? The fact that we HAVE periods in the first place means that we are HEALTHY. Cramps, my sisters, are indicators that our bodies are doing what they are supposed to do and cleaning out the system so that we can healthily prepare for – yup – getting pregnant.
The harsh reality is that WOMEN’S BODIES MAKE BABIES.
Another harsh reality: It is a sin against God and humanity that patriarchy and misogyny has turned that truth into venom by turning women into baby-making machinery (with no other ability, talent or skill).
But that is another discussion all together – we can have it when we talk about the stereotypical television female persona idea or my thoughts on the fact that women know little to nothing about the menstrual cycle in general.

Hey, I see the point for *ahem* health - I too get bad cramps. I am usually in bed for a day or hopped up on chamomile tea and, yes, I admit, the occasional ibuprofen. But I think those cramps are worth knowing that my body is doing what it is supposed to do when it is supposed to do it. On top of that, I get to cross these worries off my list:
blood clots
stroke
heart attack
cancer
bleeding cystic ulcers

I am not condemning those who use chemical birth control for the sake of convenience - much. But I am asking what I think is an important question:

Are we lucky to live in a time when sexual freedom is enabled through chemicals, or have we been hoodwinked into thinking that sexual maturity is about spontaneity and immediacy rather than responsibility and patience?

Nachooooooooooooo

2007-10-05T18:01:00.000-07:00

I am the gatekeeper of my own destiny and I will have my day in the hot sun.

A little embarrassing...

2007-09-18T13:07:00.000-07:00

Yeah. July 8th. Last post. ummmmm....oops.
I haven't posted in far too long. I don't really wanted to go over the last 2 months in detail. I guess part of the reason I haven't posted is because I feel overwhelmed that I should post the details of the last 2 months and don't really want to.
Wow. I wonder where THAT totally random, has nothing to do with anybody, painful pressure comes from. Can't be MYSELF.
Grrrr.

A couple highlights:
1. So Anny-Bannanny got married on Sept. 7th - to Ray. Such a wonderful day - lots of work though. Anny is now a Mom! And her kids are fabulous.... Paul and I got the pleasure of hanging out with them while festivities were being planned and finished up.

2. Paul and I are going on a retreat with our new friends at SMFUMC this weekend. We will be wine tasting and sharing space and getting to know each other and I like that!

3. Mom and Dad Markwart are hosting a reception for us at the end of the month - so much fun! And we get to go the A's game on Friday and Dad's play (he is John in Arsenic and Old Lace)

4. Going to Mark and Jen's wedding this Friday! Wahoo!

I have learned that post's that are too long are boring and no one will read them, so I am gonna quit while I am ahead.

Oh - pray I get an awesome part time job that pays great and uses my skills and leaves room for theatre!!

WOW! TOOOOOOO LONG!

2007-07-08T20:59:00.000-07:00

I can't believe TWO shows have been up and down since my last post! Great Divorce went very very well, except for the usual second night sloppies.
Last Friday - the 6th - Charlotte's Web hit the ground running and the cast did wonderfully. Who knew such small kids could be so awesome. They blew me away!
Tomorrow I start production on two casts of High School Musical Review. I rewrote the script to accommodate the 36 person cast I will have for one of the casts!!!
That show will go up on July 20th.
On July 23rd, I go into production of Aesop's Fable The Lion and the Mouse. That cast will be 5-7 year olds! I can't wait to work with them!

AND since my last post, Paul and I have moved to Santa Monica and P-Dog started his new job at the church.
We are getting to know our area and have a great hang out called The Counter. Come on out and eat there with us!
We are so grateful that we have been lucky enough to pursue our goals - we are not fool enough to think that this is the norm.

Thank you Jesus. Really.

The Great Divorce

2007-05-23T09:30:00.000-07:00

HEY!

This Friday and Saturday night, May 25/26!

I have directed a stage adaptation of The Great Divorce by CS Lewis....

please come out and support the cast and crew - here are the deets:

Friday May 25 and Saturday May 26

Travis Auditorium, Fuller Theological Seminary
180 N Oakland Ave
Pasadena, CA 91182

Doors open 7pm - general seating
Show at 7:30pm

No Charge..... suggested donation $5.

See you there, right?!?!

Bomb Scare. Please.

2007-05-01T08:48:00.000-07:00

SO last night Fuller had a bomb scare. Apparently, there was a box in the HR building all day and some person thought it was ticking. Freaked everybody out. The campus and a 2 block radius was shut down to all traffic - foot, car, etc.
Fortunately, or unfortunately - depending on how you look at it - it was nothing. Just a box of papers and clothes. Or so I hear.

Here is what gets me. It is along the same sad lines of the VT thing.
NO ONE IN PASADENA KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT FULLER!!!!
Except of course, those of us who pay money to be here or are married to someone who pays money to be here.
BUT if that really was a bomb and it blew up. Whattya know? Fuller would be the apple of Pasadena's eye... the heart of Pasadena... the life blood of the community.
Oh Please.

I am honestly struggling with these questions:
How does the church properly respond to "community disasters" in distant places?
What is the appropriate response for people who are not in the affected community?
When is national mourning appropriate and when is it a load of crap?

Ideas, anyone? Seriously... this is bugging me pretty deeply.

Why Wicked was perfect

2007-04-22T21:11:00.000-07:00

Since my post on Wicked, I have been asked to describe why it was "perfect" and "the best show ever".
SO, always up for a challenge, I'll try. But I am going to do it in chunks.

The first chunk being a response to Mr. Ben. Stupid Law my friend: read the liner notes of your CD before you talk about the show. :)
OF COURSE it doesn't sound Wicked!
A couple of reasons why follow:
1. Dramatic/Poetic Irony in the story
2. The entire show is NOT on the CD on purpose because several songs have "spoilers" in them.
(see - that is only a couple of reasons - I know the difference between "a couple" and "a few")

I would like to talk about point 1.
Wicked the musical is based on the theme of Wicked the book, written by Gregory MacGuire. It's a pretty good read. Not great, but definitely worth the time , especially if you like The Wizard of Oz and "why things are the way they are" stories. I am fan of this genre. Go Rudyard Kipling!
Anyway, the whole point of the story is why the Witches of Oz are who they are and how they got that way.
The dramatic irony is - not a spoiler as far as I can tell - is that the people who are "Wicked" are not really the "Wicked" ones, and the "good" are not "good."

The musical is a much more concise version of the book, with some significant changes from the book, but tells the story VERY well. It is actually like they are two different takes on the same story and both wind up being solid and respectable and pleasing in their own right.
The book is darker and more detailed (of course) and has a lot more political/social commentary. There are more dark moments, more sadness, more painful realizations.
The musical is a musical... come on folks.... a musical. 'Nuff said.

Stephen Schwartz wrote the stage show, btw, and really outdid himself musically. I can hear some themes that he tends to use in all his shows. A couple "power ballad" chord progressions... see "Meadowlark" from The Baker's Wife and "Defy Gravity" from Wicked - you will hear similar thematic melodies and changes. Love it.
Overall, however, he brings a fresh spin to the characters and weaves the musical themes between the characters with finesse and musical skill. Not an easy thing to do. Sondheim did it really well, so did Webber - but he is kinda lame in the story area.

Ok I am tired and want to think about other things so I'll get back to this.

Something is just not right....

2007-04-18T06:54:00.000-07:00

Ok. This is going to be a dangerous post. Its gonna be dangerous because I think I might offend someone - or a lot of someones - so just hang in there.

I think what happened at Virginia Tech last Monday is horrific. If you care for language as much as I do, you will note that it is not tragic. Well, it was tragic for the shooter... Something is tragic when you bring terrible-ness upon yourself. For example - a car accident is only tragic for the person who caused the accident (and it usually involves some irony, too) - not all the other people who died/were hurt.

Anyway - I digress.
I am honestly in a state of confusion about the reaction to Virginia Tech. I want to grieve with the people who have lost their friends, family, loved ones. I want to be sad and mourn. I want to hurt with other hurt people.
But I can't. I never can when crap like this happens. Why? Because I always feel like mourning in the United States is bastardized by people who are removed from the situation.
I feel like this nation is a nation of emotional rubberneckers - we all stand by and point and stare and look and want information and pretend we support but few of us get off our asses and fly ourselves to Blacksburg (did you even know that VT was in Blacksburg?! I didn't!) to actually help clean up the emotional aftermath.
Paul was reading the New York Times website this morning and they have an "interactive walk through the shooting" link where you can follow the path of the shootings.
PEOPLE, I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU...THIS IS NOT MOURNING.
THIS IS THE RAPE OF A MUGGING VICTIM.

I am deeply concerned when I see 20 people outside my office scrounging for information about what happened with an air of "I'm training to be a psychologist... I must discuss with all my friends why such a thing has occurred", I am torn when my boss asks me to put CNN on the campus network for the school to watch the same footage over and over again, I am offended when I hear people tsk-tsk-ing about VT, and not once thinking about the reality that 80 people were killed in Iraq yesterday - or the thousands of Americans who died Monday due to drug overdose, cancer, heart disease, fires, old age, more shootings, suicide.

I do not believe it is our place to "jump on the mourning bandwagon." I believe it is our place to actually mourn. To BE torn and shocked and angry. This looks more like silence than gossip. Right now, USA, we look like gossips.
How offensive we must seem to a devastated community when we come in with our TV cameras and our news reporters to "get the story" instead of help them through the story.
You know what this does? It turns young people into marketers of grief - it does not teach them how to cope with the reality of grief.

The same thing happened with 9/11, with Katrina, with Columbine. We stood back and made judgments about who, what, when, where and when we felt we had enough information, we collectively forgot about it. Of course, we didn't forget - we CAN'T forget... and we should not forget. But somehow to continue talking about it as a nationwide community seems passe - seems irrelevant - seems... well... dead.
Virginia Tech - forgive us. We have failed you by caring for you just long enough to get the goods and get out. Forgive us for mourning with fingers pointed and heads shaking.
Forgive us for not truly experiencing your grief, but watching it from afar.
Forgive us for not helping.
I am able to find peace with Virginia Tech through the English professors' poem. Virginia Tech will mourn. Sigh.
Now - can we mourn with them, rather than at them?

God... help us all.
Help.
Help VT.
Help.
Help VT's community.
Help.
Help.
Help!

WICKED

2007-04-17T12:30:00.000-07:00

A group of us saw "Wicked" the musical Sunday night.
I think it was the best show, overall, that I have ever seen.
Anyone who knows me knows that statement says a lot.

I think it is the only show in my life that I can walk away from saying
"It was, literally, perfect."

I stand in solidarity with my friend Ryan who made this simple comments:
"I am still reeling."

This is why I love and praise God. That God makes people who can make stuff like this. That God gifts people to gift others by giving them createdness....
Some people say, "If you don't believe in God, look at the world around you." I say, "If you don't believe in God, go see Wicked and tell me how all that talent - from visual images, to lighting, to sound, to character acting, to singing, to dancing, to set building, to costume design - could combine without an instigator and creator."

The theatre saves my soul.

Ouch!

2007-04-13T14:47:00.000-07:00

Ariel reprimanded me for not having a link to my brother's blog on my link-list.
"What kind of sister are you?" were, I think, her exact words.

Well, if it is any consolation, it's there now.

Law and Order does it again!

2007-04-11T08:42:00.000-07:00

The episode: "Good Faith"
The premise: Churches are getting burned down. Lots of them. Only this most recent one is different. THIS one has a dead body in it too! (Chink-Chink)

The official description of the plot is here:
A church burns and a man is dead. In a series of church burnings, the Detectives Ed Green (Jesse L. Martin) and Nina Cassady (Milena Govich) suspect arson, however this time a victim is found among the charred ruins - the victim is a teacher and basketball coach at a private parochial school. Arson becomes a homicide investigation as the detectives discover the victim was killed prior to the fire. S. Epatha Merkerson, Sam Waterston, Fred Dalton Thompson and Alana De La Garza also star.

So here is the kicker (SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!)

The murdered man (Nash) was a science teacher who taught evolution at a private Christian school. The murderer (Reese) is the widowed father of a young woman (Mary) whom said teacher gave a "F" on a paper about creationism.

The murderer/Dad uses this defense (you're gonna love it):
Defense Lawyer Melnick:
"We are asserting a justification defense."
ADA Rubirosa:
"He's admitting to the murder?"
DL Melnick:
"It's not murder if you are trying to save the life of a third party - In this case, his daughter."
ADA Rubirosa:
"Nash was attacking Mary?"
DL Melnick:
"mmmmhmmm"
ADA Rubirosa:
"We have two witnesses that put Mary at home while Reese was out killing him!"
DL Melnick:
"She doesn't have to be physically present to be in jeopordy.
ADA McCoy:
"Well how could her life possibly be in danger??! What was the threat?!"
Here it is folks:
DL Melnick:
"Divine Retribution."

WOW.

Don't worry, McCoy's response was mine: "Excuse Me?"
And the DL actually said this:
"Like Many Americans, Jacob Reese believes in an all powerful God who punishes non-believers."
YIKES.
Then a well placed Lot's wife reference.

I killed my daughters teacher because I was afraid that my daughter would experience the wrath of God for loosing her faith - because of what she was learning.
I killed the man to defend my daughters life.
Basically, the character thought that his daughter would literally be struck dead for starting to believe evolution might even be remotely possible

(The real reason of course - because when it's only 10:30 and the killer is caught there is always a real reason - is because she had clamitia from having sex with someone at the school, who Dad thought was the teacher dude. It SUCKS when you get wrongly killed!)

Crazy Christians! Crazy Christians!
I was getting irritated again as I watched this episode - one more idiot Christian being represented as the majority. Damn I hate that!!!!
But then I heard it - the money line.

Someone has been reading my blog!

ADA Rubirosa: (while discussing the defense with her colleagues)
"Yeah, but we come off saying he (Reese) is crazy because he literally believes in Biblical retribution - that plays right into Melnicks hands."
District Attorney :
"Does it? I think people of faith would resent the fact that this guy is trying to hide behind religion."

YESSSSSSS!
YES WE DO!!!!!

A sigh of relief washed over me... David Slack, writer of this episode, has heard my plea for some tiny bit of reality when it comes to faith perspective.

My thanks to you Mr. Slack.
Come over for coffee anytime - I can give you more thoughts about the broader less insane viewpoints of Christians.

But that might not make for juicy Law & Order.

More later folks.......

Prophetess?!?!?!?

2007-04-08T21:01:00.000-07:00

I would like to point out that my blog about the A's and Holy Weekend was prophetic.

Now THAT is cool.

Maybe the A's should hire me as their official "prayer warrior".

THAT would be WAY cool.

The A's shamed me last night

2007-04-07T09:53:00.000-07:00

Ok, the A's lost last night - Paul and I sat behind Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumb, drunk out of their minds - and next to this kid who obviously didn't really know anything about baseball, yet insisted on making drunken comments throughout the final innings of the game.
So lame.

I am choosing to see this as a perfect opportunity to remember that it was Good Friday yesterday. There must be darkness before the light. The A's, therefore, will probably loose tonight as well, then have a shockingly heroic and beautiful comeback tomorrow in which the devil and his "Angels of Light" will be beaten back into bubble-gum baseball land (aka "Angels Stadium of Anaheim").

And the world will once again be well.

Praise be to God.

Everybody is asking.....

2007-04-06T09:26:00.000-07:00

Here we are! Paul is so wonderful. Dontcha just love that smile? It is my favorite smile of his; when his cheeks get all squishy and his eyes start to twinkle and his... well, nevermind!Anyway!
Pretty much everyone I see has asked me the "name" question - so I shall answer it today.

My new name is:
Michelle Kristina Markwart Deveaux.

Heavenly, isn't it? Notice the lack of hyphen, and the ever so gentle twist of the "x".

Now, what this means is that I will be Michelle Kristina Markwart Deveaux on all legal documents, such as my SS card and Drivers License.
I shall be Michelle Markwart Deveaux or Mrs. Markwart Deveaux on things that require my full name but are not as legal, such as syllabi, or invitations to parties (hint hint) or signing my name on a Gordon Beirsch receipt.
To my friends and family, who know me well I am already Mrs. Deveaux and to my husband (tee-hee! I said my husband) I am Michelle. Or Mrs. Markwart Deveaux. Or Mrs. Deveaux. Or whatever he wants; we have that agreement.
If my name does not fit on something then it shall be shortened to: Michelle K M Deveaux.

I know some of you are surprised that I would even change my name at all, being the strong empowering woman that I am. I will always be a Markwart! I am WAY too sassy and witty and neurotic to NOT be!
The Markwart in me is a woman of commitment and flexibility, of loyal skepticism, and of just plain FUN TIMES!!!

I gotta tell you though, the Deveaux name and legacy is one that I am proud to be a part of.
On the vanity side of things, I mean, really, Michelle Deveaux? How Diva is that name?! I finally get to live up to my star personality! ;)
But even better - the Deveaux name is a legacy of decency and respect.

Paul's grandfather chose the name Deveaux as the family name in the Bahamas - sometime in the early 20th century.
Clinton Deveaux chose the Deveaux name when he was getting his birth certificate. Clinton did not know his father - but he did know a respectable man whom he very much admired with the name Deveaux. When it came time to write "father's" name, Clinton wrote Deveaux.
What this means to me is that Paul's family legacy is one of choosing and determining their futures and their associations. (Anyone who has met Paul also knows that he is a man of determining his future and associations! He is his own man FOR SURE! Just one of the many reasons I married him.)
The Markwart is more of a go-with-the-flow type. But I respect deeply the drive and determination that the Deveaux family name carries and want those characteristics to be in my life as well.

I proudly change my name to include the Deveaux name, embracing all that comes with it.

May I be a parent that passes that name/legacy on to my children and grandchildren. (And hopefully great grandchildren - I plan to live to 110.)

Just Married!

2007-04-03T09:17:00.000-07:00

Wow. I am married.
Last Friday, March 30, 2007 - Paul and I exchanged vows, rings, laughs and love and now we are hitched.
I gotta tell ya - it is a surreal experience. It truly is one of those things that you don't know what it is like until you are there doing it. And even then - I am not sure if you know what it is like because you are in this foggy place of "what am I doing?" and the whole day is just hitting you upside the head.
It's fabulous really.

Some noteworthy moments:
1) When Paul and I entered the chapel during the processional, there was like this huge gasp. I thought a flower arrangement had fallen over. I was thinking, "Uh-Oh. What happened? Stay calm. Don't look around like a fool." We walked forward, and the arrangements looked fine. I had this little moment of epiphany - people gasped AT ME! (I don't think I looked THAT BAD!)
ANYWAY - at the reception, our friend Erin told me it was the first wedding she had been at where people gasped when the bride entered. WOW! That felt great!

2) Paul was SO hot. Oh my gosh - that kinda hotness shouldn't be legal! He is such a wonderful person. We worked so hard together to make this day reflect our theology and philosophy and lifestyle - and it worked out great. All that to say that God was merciful and gracious to us - it was pouring rain 3 days before on Tuesday - and on Friday we took all our pictures outside in 80 degree slightly breezy goodness.

3) Raymond - Anny's Beau - bought me a Diet Coke at the last minute. So cool.

4) The men were so relaxed before service that the guys all played cards in the Groom's Room. Paul has some amazing dudes in his life. Anthony and Mike and their wives are amazing people that I can't wait to get to know better and better. I am so glad the new friends are so accepting and loving and full of vigor and talent!

5) Miss Rachel - photographess extraordinare took some AMAZING shots..... she is truly one of the best photographers I have ever worked with. SHE IS WORTH FLYING OUT TO DO YOUR WEDDING/HEADSHOTS/PREGNANT PICTURES!!!!!!! Seriously - hire this woman - she is wonderful!

Thanks to all who were there in body and in spirit! We look forward to the big blow out in Summer!!!!!!

2007-03-24T11:03:00.000-07:00

i am getting married in six days.

Law and Order: CI

2007-03-04T20:27:00.000-08:00

Most of you know that I am a die hard Law & Order fan. ALL of them. I used to TiVo it, but then we got rid of TiVo, and now I watch it semi-religiously on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Tuesday 9pm being Criminal Intent and 10 pm being Special Victims Unit, Friday 10pm being 'the original".
When I can't watch, I iTunes the episodes and watch later. I even have Paul sucked in and it is part of date night. We just gotta be home by 10. Paul mentioned in his "I love you but I am calling you out on your junk" way that I am dedicated to Law & Order, and supposedly dedicated to the faith/culture dialogue, yet he has yet to see a post on the show and all the theological things that I rant about in relation to it. So here is the first:

Two L&O's in the past month have been using the “preacher gone gay” subject matter as material for screenplays. What is fascinating to me is not the whole "ripped from the headlines" thing (L&O has always done that) but how people of faith are being portrayed in these episodes. I have to applaud and shake my finger at the writer of "Brother's Keeper", Marsha Norman (with story help from Warren Leight) for her/their eerily realistic portrayal of how some Evangelicals act, and her/their lack of seeing the scope of Christianity.

Newsflash to culture: NOT ALL CHRISTIANS THINK THE SAME THINGAll story aside, as I would hate to spoil anything, we see many instances in L&O where the faith people portrayed are Neo-Fundamentalist, not Evangelical, but the label Evangelical is used to describe said Neo-Fundamentalists. This disturbs me greatly – but it also informs me as to why most people who may not be Christ-driven think that Evangelicals are people who believe certain things like, say, anyone who doesn’t believe the Bible is perfect will go to a literal Hell.

People care about the “Godtalk” of TV. People are in culture and they are thinking about this show theologically… Even if they don’t phrase it like that.
Check out this comment from the official website:
“Moving on, I agree in that Stabler is cute... And I know divorce is a sin. My parents got divorced, and it was my mom's fault. My father was a devout Catholic and would never have consented but my mom moved us to Florida from North Carolina because in North Carolina you need the consent of both adults to go through with a divorce but in Florida you only need one. Too bad my father never caught on to her little manipulative game... I feel for him though. I miss my father very much and i hate that Stabler's relationship with his daughters is strained.
sMyRnaBeaCHBabE21
March 4 - 5:07pm PT”

Now to be fair, there was one episode of SVU where we got to see a gentler version; maybe even we could call it a more grace-filled version, of Christianity. Several women who had been raped were searching for their rapist before the statute of limitations ran out. One of the victims knew her rapist, but refused to turn him in. Why? Because she was Brethren. That was the show’s explanation. Her faith prompted her to but action behind the thought that forgiveness outweighs (in this case) New York state law. BTW: the link to the episode no longer exists.

L&O – highly theological, not necessarily highly accurate. So maybe our job is to help explain.

Hollywood in Financial Crisis?

2007-02-26T14:36:00.000-08:00

I heard on NPR this morning that Hollywood is making waves in Washington DC. They want the government to stand up against pirates. And Johnny Depp has nothing to do with it. Or maybe he does. At least his films made money. So what that they made some crazy amount like $300,000,000 world-wide on Curse of the Black Pearl - they made it on a projected budget of $140,000,000. We should all know that a film is NEVER made at or below budget. So, they only doubled their money.

Click this and then click the link to "Hollywood Has a Tough Audience in Congree" to hear what KPCC and Dan Glickman has to say about it.

Who is Dan Glickman? An ex-politician turned head of the MPAA and is afraid that people will think that film people are "a bunch of rich people in Hollywood making a lot of money on the movies."
-----But wait?!
-----Aren't they????

Yes and No. It's more like, "a bunch a rich people in Hollywood using other rich people's money to make a lot of money on movies while nickel and diming a lot of the people who put in the most hours." At least that is what I hear.

I also hear that Hollywood is one of the last professional arenas in the USA where hard work, dedication, and persistance will get you where you want to be just as much as a degree from Harvard.

Perhaps because Hollywood is so glamorized in the rest of the nation, we forget that there are people who are in LA on sets and shoots and in production offices that are there because they love it AND get to make money doing it! Isn't that a deep desire in us all anyway?

Your thoughts....

Might as well have fun with it.

2007-02-22T14:12:00.000-08:00

I figured since they made me "upgrade", I might as well play around with the look of things. Take advantage of the new features I have given my email soul up for.

POOP!

2007-02-22T13:12:00.000-08:00

So, they no longer let me sign in using the "old blogger" account, so I had to sign up for a Google account, which I never wanted and now I have to remember a new password and a new username because they wouldn't use the old one. On top of that, I can't switch over to any other site without having access to "new blogger".

I guess Google bought blogger and now they are the gatekeepers of the domain, which means they want to know everything about you before they let you do anything of interest. It is like, so, totally Brave New World/1984.

grrrr.

FINALLY!!!!

2007-02-15T12:06:00.000-08:00

HOLY COW!
It only took me a week to figure out how to log in to my blog and post without having to change up all these fancy new log in account things.

NOTE TO ALL WHO READ THIS!
I am working on a new blog/website/domain thing... so be informed that soon and very soon you may be typing in some new letters to read all about it.

I need to apologize, first of all, for totally flaking on my vow for a post a day. Writing is like scrubbing the toilet to me. I hate actually doing it, but I sure do love the way it looks and smells after. It's like you can sit your little tushie down worry free. And THAT is something to be happy about.

I have come to the realization that wedding planning is a pain in the ass and that if I knew that six months ago, I would have hired a wedding planner, told him or her that the colors are purple, silver and black, and Paul and I will see you on March 30th. Have your way with it.
Now, I am absolutely sure that this would backfire and that this is not REALLY what Paul and I want, but just as Dr. Clay Schmidt's office and two witnesses sounds better everyday - so does the wedding planner.

I guess I am having fun when I am not busy with other stuff, like, ya know, work. I can definitely see that this was a lot of happy good times to young lovelies who had/have nothing else to do but plan their weddings. Today however, we lovelies have lots to do beside plan a wedding, so it can be a bit stressful - especially for those who aren't called to be planners in the first place (pick me! pick me!)

Some good stuff to know:
I am on a mission to facilitate the faith/culture/media dialogue. I thought I would let you know so that it will not surprise you if the tone of the muse changes a bit.

I read this great blog the other day, where the tagline was:
"Blogging is easy, commenting is hard."

Gotta love it.

OUCH!

2007-01-05T11:03:00.000-08:00

I just got stung by a bee.

it is ugly and looks like an eye.

Home from the Holidays

2007-01-02T13:18:00.000-08:00

So PDog and I arrived safe and sound from Atlanta via NorCal yesterday. I slept through my alarm and woke up after a 10 hour slumber to be late for work.
Way to go, genius. Start the year off right! Wahoo.

I was so excited and pleased to meet PDog's parents and other members of the fam.
I got to meet his Uncle, several Aunts, some cousins, Grammie, and neighbors of his parents.
It was a wonderfully large Christmas. I will have to get used to that, for sure. I think there were like twenty people there and they were all commenting on different levels about who wasn't there and who is missing and who was missable.

New Year's eve was spent with my fam. There were five of us.

I am gearing up for a conference I am singing at in a couple weeks and for the Sundance Film Festival. Also trying to decide what to get the Mister for his birthday.
February brings Mom down for a D-land trip and several appointments with the seamstress.
Then, March is full of packing and moving and marrying. Everything is happening so fast! I am tired already :)

WOW

2006-12-05T14:39:00.000-08:00

Ok, So I am probably way behind on this but ERock just introduced me to this. It is probably one of the most impressive digs into music and its amazing connectivity that I have ever encountered. Launchcast seriously has nothing on this free web radio.
So these peeps founded the Music Genome Project which is RAD!
Please look into this ang get your kids hooked right away so that we can save teh culture from mindless music listenings!
This site may have exactly what it takes to re-educate the listening iPod generation about what they allow in their ears!
Hallelujah!

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

2006-12-04T16:07:00.000-08:00

Elphie & Sara & Me, oh my! I love my new neice and my best friend. I miss them already. BUT - I get to see them on New Years! Yippie!

I Love Christmas!

2006-12-04T11:50:00.000-08:00

Happy Christmas my friends!
Take a minute or two out of your busy holiday bustling to smile and reminisce! I've always liked this song and the animation is a really neat style too!

Exegeting Beatles

2006-12-01T10:40:00.000-08:00

I have always had a funny relationship with the John Lennon song "Imagine."
The chord progression is mediocre and touching; the melody gloriously simplistic and restful.
The lyrics are really where I get caught in a conundrum of emotions. I don't really like the lyrics, never really have, yet I feel some fiery-hot pressure that I should. Almost as, that because I don't like the song, I am an ungrateful, wretched, war-loving...Dare I say it?... CONSERVATIVE! (gasp!)
So, I have pretended to enjoy this mid/post Vietnam tribute to love and justice - just to make sure I wouldn't be contradicting my hippie soul. Yet there it sat.... bothering me.

But this morning there was light shed, so immaculately, so advent-ready, on my paradox.

The lyrics to "Imagine" prove the juxtaposition between the hope of humanity and the ability of God.
The song is the ultimate representation of the fact that without the hand of God, all we can do is imagine. (May I be so bold to remind you, "With God, nothing is impossible." )
The lyrics long for a time of peace, yet asks for it without accountability. They search out human ability to "Imagine there is no heaven, It's easy if you try. No hell below us, above us only sky" "imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do. No greed or hunger, no religion too."
The message is humanity's reality. We want peace, comfort, brother/sisterhood, unity - yet are unable to give up the very thing that keeps us from attaining such - our belief that we can do it in the first place.
How can there be hope without the source of all hope? It seems to me that in reality the "Imagine" message is one of hopelessness. It is the relinquishing of the human ability to bring peace and joy to the world.
Perhaps one could witness the irony that when we dream, when two or more are gathered, when people join together, we can and do live in unity and harmony when the spirit of God manifests. "You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us, and the world with live as one." I believe God agrees with this song, yet is saddened by our unwillingness to dream God into the process, to imagine God being the bearer and creator of the hope that stirs deep within the songwriters', and perhaps the worlds' soul.

These are my initial thoughts. And my boss just walked in. So, for now, gotta go.

Ahhhhh....

2006-11-30T14:49:00.000-08:00

beach13
Originally uploaded by Princess Babydoll.

I wish I was here. But it's like 1 degree.

Back to Business

2006-11-30T14:03:00.000-08:00

We are home in LA from a tortuous driving extravaganza to NorCal and back. I think out of 96 hours "on vacation" we spent 30 of it in the car. Boo.
BUT it was well worth it, since I got to see the Mumsy and Puppsy and the Brotherly Brother... I also had the privilege of meeting my "niece" Lucy. She is so cute. And looks like and elf. So my nickname for her is Elfie. Interesting that this coincides with my new obsession with the story of "Wicked" - the story behind the witches of Oz. I read the book last month, and will see the musical here in LA in April.
Anyway, the main character is the Wicked Witch of the West - Elphaba. Her nickname? Elphie.
Now, before you think I am a terrible aunt for naming Lucy after such insufferable people, you should check out Wicked. No more spoilers out of me! HAHA!
I think the girls and I had a wonderful time and we will soon be on to more obnoxiously grandious things as decorating tips for chapels and food selection at the ATC Christmas snack party.
It is back to business pronto and I need to get back on my goal of writing everyday. :P

RAD!

2006-11-22T14:50:00.000-08:00

Jenn, Anny, Sara, Krissy and Michelle will all be in the same place at the same time.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

In almost a "dream come true" event, Jenn and Anny are able to sit in the car with me for 10 hours (cuz that is how long its going to take with traffic) to go up north to see the fam and meet the other bridespeeps.
Mom and Dad are rad - they are getting us a room to share. Personally, I think this is my mothers way of not having 6 people share one bathroom Thanksgiving morning.
That is what I like about my mom though. She would rather have convience than overcrowding. And hey - it benefits everybody! Especially my back, which will spend copius amounts of time in the hot tub.

It will also give us ladies time to chill and pray and hang and think, something devestatingly difficult to do when trying to get work and school and wedding and life taken care of.

So to all, happy Thanksgiving. Too bad the whole pilgram/indiginous people story is a sham of US history - but at least it created an event on which to ponder our extreme wealth and blessedness.

As P-Dog would say: Yay-men!

Profound

2006-11-20T13:23:00.000-08:00

My mom has this t-shirt by the "Life is Good" brand.

Upon which seeing it my brother replied, "Man. I'm just glad I have a glass."

What a perfect thing to say this Thanksgiving Season. May we all be so grateful.

nothing to say

2006-11-16T11:47:00.000-08:00

In order to write a book you have to write everyday even if you have nothing to say. This is a sobering prospect to me because I view myself as lazy. Let me tell you, being engaged to
Mr. Turns-out-something-phenomenal-just-for-fun
doesn't make it any easier.

I know, I know, it's not a competition. BUT, I can't help but feel a little under-acheiver-ish when every night the man has some rant on theology and politics and history and whatever. Most nights, I want to watch TV. I guess I could rant about the shameful story lines. The content I have little problem. It's the poor quality of the writing that concerns me. No wonder our children speak poorly. They gets da gramma' fro' the telley!

Still, everyday writing is a discipline I suppose.

Whether for good or ill, spontaneous writing is like jazz for me.
It only sounds good if I know what key to play in; the theme on which to muse.

sigh.

I'm gonna go watch TV.

ARGH!

2006-11-14T15:27:00.002-08:00

I am so sad. The A's are going to sell out for a bigger, "better" field in freaking Fremont. I mean really people. Fremont?! Holy Crap! That is like bringing an NFL team to Pasadena! Or Hayward! Or Arcadia!
What the hell is this about anyway? I think I know. And it's all Al Davis' fault with his big-ass monster wall ugly as sin football whatever stands Colossium addition. Who the hell wanted the Raiders back anyway?! (At least I don't have to look at them in LA though).
I HATE AL DAVIS AND I HATE THE RAIDERS AND I HATE THEIR FANS AND I APPARENTLY LIKE THE WORD HATE RIGHT NOW. ARGH!!!!!!!

My humble prayer is that they don't rename the A's to the "Fremont A's". That would be a wuss name for sure.

My vote, since they are moving and I can't stop them, is the East Bay Athletics. At least that name has SOME dignity.

Man I'm pissed.

2006-11-14T10:38:00.000-08:00

If the A's move to Fremont, I am becoming a Yankees fan.

My Fiance is FIRED!

2006-11-06T20:47:00.000-08:00

So the "You are so fired" quote of the day goes to P-Dog, who whilst determining our votes for tomorrow morning quipped, "It's too much work to vote."
SO FIRED!
Don't worry fans - I rudely commented on his, shall we say, nearsightedness, and then we bantered about my fabulous father or thinking out loud or pizza or something. I can't remember.

To defend the man, he was kidding (kind of), and we did finish up on our readings and sample ballot-ings (for your convenience!) and the decision was mutual to skip the whole judicial/attorney section because who the hell are these people anyway? (Like I can pick a judge with NO history or reference to how they rule!? Sorry - I have been influenced by Law & Order and I KNOW how the judge can make or break a case! So there!)

But the point is that perhaps the Mr. hit on what I was referring to in the post below.... we just don't care enough to vote.
It is difficult to care about something that feels that is has no impact. I am not going to lie to you: your vote doesn't do jack squat.
BUT you have to vote anyway because NOT voting is falling into the trap of forgetting that even as long as we have the illusion of voice we won't stop trying to use it.
Seriously - if they banned voting - no one would fight back except... ummmm... nut jobs! AND we already have enough of those in Alaska and Sonora County! AND - who wants to be known as a nut job?! (besides me of course).
All I am saying is that if we continue to have the ability to speak, if we have the wonderful opportunity to appear as though we are affecting the nation, if we have the nut job idea that we too can make a difference, then we MIGHT think we can do other impossible things too. Like sing the Star Spangled Banner at the World Series or build the next World's Largest Jelly Bean model of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon! That would be an especially great feat considering we don't even know what they looked like. See! Impossible things can happen! So you better vote because you never know.

Voting is a privilege not a right. Get out there tomorrow!

2006-11-06T13:24:00.000-08:00

I was in 6th or 7th grade when I began competing in the Lion's Club Young Speech Writers contests. I was witty, poised and poignant. I was clear, concise and honest. Heck - I was memorized. But then the same thing happened to me that fears to happen tomorrow in our current political finaglings.
A Republican sweethearted his way into taking the lead with talk of God and Country.
Shit.

That first year the speech was to be on the topic Voting: A Right or a Privilege?
Of course, I went with the 12 year old perspective of "a privilege". Whatever that means to a 12 year old.
I told stories of Brazilian civil war culminating in 3 day waits for the poles.
I relived in sing-song soap box style the coming down of the Berlin Wall - the cheers of those who finally, finally, finally were able to have a much needed thunderous voice!
I reminded the white middle class 40 and 50 somethings of their opportunity - nay! - their DUTY to show up in the booth!
I made myself look like I should have been 18 that day because by golly I knew what I was talking about! Nancy Reagan move over and for goodness sake JUST SAY NO to civic disarray and earn your "I VOTED" sticker today!
Hazzah!

Then it happened.
Blond hair, blue eyes, dad the pastor of the community church just down the street, asshole in the hallway, rico-suave at the prom, waltzed his 16 year old one size too big blazer one size too small slacked body to the podium and announced:

"We vote because God gave us the right to vote"

With this statement, and probably the fact he was male, he stole my crown of speechwriting glory.

My stomach flipped over onto whatever its head would have been. Even in my very young, very inexperienced, very nerdy junior high soul I felt the disruption caused by mixing Church and State. Too bad I wasn't savvy enough to pinpoint the cause of my angst. But now... now I know.
This young self-proclaimed authority on the complete union of the Republican party and the Christian Church had reared its ugly head to shame any person unconvinced of Jesus' love affair with Reaganomics.
AHHHH!
I have now discovered my intrinsic motivations! I understand why I have this bad taste in mouth when it comes to the religious right claiming its politically right!

It's because I lost a speech contest to a jerk.

********************************************************************

Well, that was many years ago and here I sit finding it both sad and comical that the number one expendature of political funds is not on issue information... not on candidate biographies... not even on those fabulous mudslinging contests.
No, dear, dear people. The number one expendature is on mobilizing people to get off their asses and vote.
More money is spent on convincing people ACTUALLY TO vote rather than WHO TO vote for. I guess that is what happens when people forget that we are pretty darn lucky to have the opportunity to punch our little cards.

So - remember friends - God wants you to vote tomorrow morning. If you don't, the heathens of the left - or worse yet some God-forsaken Green-ey might come and emasculate the House and the Senate.

We couldn't have that now, could we?

Harumph.

2006-11-03T11:08:00.000-08:00

Ok, I have had several responses to the last blog post- this is wonderful.
However, in most of the responses, there seems to be a fear that I am desperately unhappy and that my life is in complete shambles. And the touching attempt to fix it.
I admit this is a fair muse, as I am rarely in touch with most people and when I post it is usually about something desperately unhappy or shamble-riffic.

SO!
With much chagrin, I respond here to the urge to put potential and current readers at ease.

1. Everything is always simultaneously fabulous and horrible. This is the nature of life. One of my many philosophies is, "Life is hard! I'm great!" (Note, this is one of the few NONSARCASTIC comments I make) This is not good or bad; it just is. I believe that I am not the only one to whom this reality belongs. I simply recognize it more, howyousay?, blatantly.

2. I have not ended, will not end, or even remotely entertain the idea of ending the amazing, wonderful, blissfully maddening, over-the-top, phenomenal love affair I have with P-Dog. Or writing blogposts.

3. I like to write stuff that makes people think about stuff they would rather not think about. Often times I use a slight-of-word trick to bring about introspection in others. I do this on purpose.

4. I have spent $60,000 and some change on a theological education. I am very aware of my embedded theology. I have been pastoring on and off for a while. And, I think I have earned a little bit of "life experience" credit too.

5. I loath pat answers about anything. That is why I write blogposts that challenge the pat answers that accost me on the street.

6. Per myriad requests, I promise I will genuinely reflect on writing a book. Really. I will not only pray about it, but I will continue to write and see what comes about. I will put some action behind the idea. (Now, pick yourselves up off the floor... it is true... I actually can DO something!)

Now, just to be clear, this post is not directed on any one person. I have had 23 personal emails regarding the "forgiveness sucks" post, and the above info is pretty much FYI. I am a bit proud of myself that one little post has produced such ado. It makes me feel smart. Thank you very much.

The hidden motive in this post: I am trying to condition you all to buy my book.

Giving forgiveness sucks.

2006-11-02T16:10:00.000-08:00

I know I am not supposed to say that, being a follower of Christ and all. But ya know what - the act of forgiving - and I mean REAL forgiving - not the stuff that's passed off in our lifetimes as heroic suffering through relational pain - tangible forgiving - sucks.

I don't think any of us get what Jesus did when he forgave sins. I wonder if we secretly think that Jesus was hap-hazzardly throwing about pardons to those who he never knew in the first place. It's easy to pardon those who have never wounded you.

So, it gets me to thinking... what did all those people do to Jesus that made Jesus the only human at the time with the power to forgive? You can't have forgiveness without an offense. So, how did, say, the alabaster box lady offend Jesus? Seems to me she was pretty nice washing his feet and all - with her HAIR even!
And- what the heck did that robber on the cross ever do to Jesus? Whose to say they ever met before that whole crucifixion thing anyway?!

To top it off, our lives mixing up with Jesus' makes forgiveness seem so, well, punitive. I mean, the whole "financial debt excused" parable doesn't so much connect with my credit card culture. Truth be told, paying off my school loan is all done through money I never see... doesn't it kinda feel anti-climactic to read on a screen:
Payment posted. Thank you. Your confirmation number is...

Maybe Jesus has gone electronic too:
Your name is currently in the e-book of life.
We can now access your account quickly and easily.
Your account balance: $0.00
Payment method: MASTER-card

Wow.

Don't get me wrong... I am not theologically ignorant. I know that (supposedly) the offenses were all against God, and that God and Jesus are the same thing (if your theology allows that), and that Jesus was able to forgive cuz he was/is God, and so he was offended just as much as God. (Yes - I am bobbing my head back and forth and using a singsongy blah blah blah tone, thank you very much)
But really - what does it look like to offend God? AND - if God is really that offended and yet is so merciful and forgiving - doesn't that make God a sucker?
Cuz geez - I personally am pretty hurt and broken-up about someone offending me - even though it was one of those unintentional sins that Wesley spouts about - and I am not in the mood to forgive - even though I know I have to.

Before you jump on that statement - let me just say - I don't think I have to forgive because "that's what Jesus says". I think I HAVE to forgive because living here in unforgivenessland disagrees with both my digestion and my sanity.
I have to forgive because when I don't, I am miserable with nausea and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I guess it would be nice if piety had something to do with it - but today it doesn't.

It's the hardest damn thing I ever do and will continue to try to do. It is not fun to let someone off the hook when the hook is still wedged in between your own sternum and cardio-pulmonary muscle and you are spewing blood about the house. Oh yes... it's all fun and games until someone gets their eye poked out.

Yet - it MUST be done. There is no other option - especially for us Followers. For to NOT forgive is to somehow lighten the weight of the offense. It is to deny the reality of the feeling of heart-pain. I don't know about you, but when I am NOT forgiving, it really means that I AM ignoring. Ignoring is lying. Forgiving is truthing.

But the truth sets free. It hurts like hell, but it does set free.
Ouch.

Lately I have been sentimental

2006-09-08T09:55:00.000-07:00

I am not sure if it stems from the recent graduation, or recent job searches, or recent love life stuff, but I am finding myself increasingly sentimental about the dorkiest things.
My poor baby, I MADE him sit there and watch YouTube videos from my childhood Sesame Street and Nintendo days - forcing him to digest the importance of "The Ladybugs Twelve."
This morning, while wandering through the friend-blogs (ya gotta keep up somehow), I found this wonderful memory.
It made me think of my parents and I at a time when I was both too opinionated and too formidable for my own good.
Opinionated and Formidable tend not to be such a good combination - what it means is that you convince yourself of your own ideas and then live out of that opinion until something horrific happens to bust you out of it. But I guess I turned out alright.

Why yes... I am obsessed thank you.

2006-09-07T12:31:00.000-07:00

Check this out.

I don't think so....

2006-09-06T11:22:00.000-07:00

ALLIANCE, Neb. - Talk about extra innings. A baseball game that began at 10 a.m. on Saturday in Alliance ended Sunday at 4:05 p.m.
That's 30 hours and five minutes between the first pitch and the final out. Game organizers are counting on the contest being long enough to break a world record.
Forty players, ranging in age from 18 to 44, rotated in and out of the 84-inning game in hopes of setting a new Guinness World Record for the longest baseball game.
The record stands at 25 hours, set in Canada nearly three years ago.
Alliance organizers tried for a record last year, but their 24-hour, 16-minute game fell short of the record by 44 minutes.
Far from a pitcher's duel, this year's game was won by the Alliance Times-Herald Dragons, which beat the WESTCO Knights, by a score of 120 to 114.

Ok - here's the deal. This is NOT a legit world record... Why? Because there is no way that this game really went 84 innings according to the conditions set on baseball play. So inherently there are 9 innings in a ball game and extra innings are brought on by a tie at the end of the 9th. There is no way that these people kept getting ties at the end of freaking 75 innings - unless they threw the game and did it on purpose - and that is cheating and therefore doesn't count.
I guess there is nothing better to do in Alliance, Nebraska.

For a REAL record, check this out:
Oldest Baseball Player Leroy Robert "Satchel" Paige pitched for the Kansas City A's (American League) at the age of 59 years and 80 days on September 25, 1965. His baseball career spanned 40 years although he was as famous for his showmanship on the field as he was for his pitching.

(please note: he played for the A's. Thank you very much.)

Toddlers and Jesus

2006-08-23T10:57:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me this morning that in the whole "infinity/timeless" dealio- meaning the whole day is like a minute, thousand years like a day thing - that we are all toddlers in the age-eyes of God.

This makes me feel like my bratty/leavemealone/Icandoitmyselfthankyouverymuch attitude may actually be relatively natural. I picture myself running naked away from bathtime, all soapy and giggly! Ah Freedom! *skip-skip-skip* *shriek of laughter*

Cool! I am a terrible-two and God expects that!
"Suffer not the little children to come unto me!"

Now, if I can just move beyond using it as an excuse...

Auntie X2?

2006-08-21T08:35:00.000-07:00

Ok, so, technically I am not... but Kyliah gave birth to
Samantha Rain Villa
on August 9th -
7lbs 12oz, 21 inches!
I held her for an hour yesterday. I think she knew my voice because she wasn't fussy or anything. Well, that's how I like to believe it. :)
God knows I talked to her in the belly enough.

Congrats!!!!

(sorry - I forgot my camera! no pic!)

I am an Auntie!!!!!

2006-08-19T10:53:00.000-07:00

Announcing (do-do-do-doooooo):
Miss Lucy
The beautiful new addition to the Guilford family (for those of you who don't know.. Sara is one of my best friends from college.)
8lbs 12oz, 21 1/4inches
Born Saturday, August 12th at 2am-ish.

Congratulations!

You people are sneaky!

2006-08-18T07:59:00.000-07:00

Ok - I have HAD it with you sneaky "I read your blog but you would never know it because I don't make comments unless I randomly see you on campus" people!!!!!
I did not realize that people actually read this thing. I figured it was just my two aunts and Rachel and B-W. Whom by the way, I am grateful for your comments!
Anyway.... thank you to the peeps who casually congratulated me on my new head in the clouds mentality. I am sure that if P-Dog knew that I was posting copious amounts of mushiness about him for the world to see, I would be exiled to Mars, so I guess it's good that he doesn't so much keep up on this thing! (HA! HA! I can tell secrets about us and he shall never know!!!!! Huzzah!)

Other things going on in life:
I am looking for some change (yeah... I know, like I need any more, right?!) I am feeling this huge Esther type preparation anointing thing going on in my spirit (to which P-Dog commented, "What? You have the anointing to be a PROSTITUTE?!" No, honey, but thanks for checking. : Grrrr.)
Brother is getting healthier. Baby steps to the door....baby steps to the street... I am cautiously optimistic - PROGRESS!!!! I am proud of him for some new/different choices he has made.

IMPORTANT!!!!!
KATIE AND NICK ARE ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He did it on the sand dunes in Michigan not last night but the night before. SO sweet! He tricked her into thinking they were going to a movie, but then it got all cancelled, and at the dunes he was all "Do you want some water?" and she was like "ok" and instead of giving her the water to drink, he like totally washed her feet and then, like, totally proposed. Like, oh my Gosh. :)
Way to go Nick - you rock!
Congratulations to my dear sweet sister Katie, whom I miss terribly and look forward to seeing very much.

Hmmm...lets see... what else?
Oh, Jesus and I have been having lots of talks about life and future and happy-hard things. It's time to step up to the plate folks. And I am learning that being ondeck is much, much, much easier. Why can't I just be the great nice player that sits on the bench and encourages everybody else to play well???? I am good at that! Coach has basically told me that homeruns don't count in batting practice. It's time to get off the bench, and get in the game. The scary part is I know I am up against a conniving, experienced pitcher. The not scary part is I have the best teammates ever. But teammates don't go to bat for you, they just encourage you to smack it out of the park. I can do that I think. Heck, I've been in the minors long enough.
I think that is just about as far as I would like to take this analogy today. (But I am sure there will be more... it is a baseball analogy after all :) )

Some upcoming events I am looking forward to:
PDog home
Padres Game
See Mom/Dad (Ben?)
See Beckin/Kevy (don't ask)
A'S GAME
Etta James

To life!

Per your requests...

2006-08-18T07:28:00.000-07:00

Us.

I am in love... ahhhh

2006-08-16T09:21:00.000-07:00

Yup. It is official. I love a boy. Actually, I love a man. (He is SO NOT a boy!) I know this might come as a shocker to some; I have keeping this on the d-low for a while as we were "working it out". BUT, I just got back from visiting him in Florida, where God used us to minister to each other and others and solidified a lot of stuff for us - or at least for me. It's funny - we don't really know where we will go, or what we will do, or the time line or details or anything. All we really know for sure is that we are doing it together.
Writing this on my blog is a testimony for me. I am scared as I write it.... it seems to make things, so, REAL.
BUT that is what this is! REAL! All the other times - those were the fake times! I had gotten so used to the fake times that the real time seems, well, fake. (Just humor me if you don't get what I am saying)

I want to tell you just a few things that I love about him.
1. Loves God so much/is a worshipper
2. Thoughtful
3. Integritous
4. Creative
5. Excellent planner
6. Educated (self and formally)
7. A great servant (which makes him a great leader)
8. Likes music
9. Intelligent
10. Fine. No wait - hella fine. (ohthankyoujesus!)

And that is just the tippy tip top of the iceberg!

I think you will be hearing more about our adventures as time goes on. So far, I just ask that you pray for us and what God is doing. Please also pray for me that I can be excited and enjoy the next two weeks while he is still in Florida and I am back in LA. :( I miss him a lot - I know it will be over soon, but that only helps a little.

Oh yeah, one more thing - he loves me too.

Another awesome quote from Kyliah....

2006-08-02T11:46:00.000-07:00

In regards to Branston Hicks contractions 8-10 days before her baby is due:

"I hesistate to say painful, because that is a word that we will save for later."

Ahhh, I love this woman.

I wanna be like this:

2006-07-30T14:39:00.000-07:00

Women should be tough, tender, laugh as much as possible and live long lives. The struggle for equality continues unabaded, and the woman warrior who is armed with wit and courage will be among the first to celebrate victory.

Maya Angelou

Melancholy

2006-07-19T11:34:00.000-07:00

I have not written in a while. I have been emotional busy and whenever I get emotional busy I don't write a lot. It's like a ball game, really. When I am at the ball game I care about all the details - when I'm not I just want to know the final score.
So I am imposing that feeling upon all of you. It has been extra innings in Michelle land and so I am waiting to give you the final score.

In the meantime.... Some thoughts I have been munching on:
- The A's played their first errorless game in six games last night, but just got 2 back-2-back errors in the bottom of the 7th of the game I', listening to right now. Oh well, I guess that could preach. You think that you are on an errorless streak and then you error back-2-back. It's just part of the game; it is inevitable.
- Matt 15. Wow.
- The whole temple/body/body of Christ theme. Romans 9:4; 1 Cor. 3:16/17, 8:10, 9:13; 2 Cor. 6:16; Eph. 2:21. Seems Paul had something he wanted to say about that. Trying to get the big picture and figure out what that means for us.
- Is not being physically healthy a sin? That is bold... and it means that I have got junk to work out. This is really scary because I think part of my calling has to do with teaching Christians the theology/bibliology of physical health. Uh-oh.
- God is amazing and I don't trust God as much as I would like to think I do. I am totally getting all these little tests left and right to put my previous posts' thoughts in action. I love it: Excited to death/scared to death about some things that I will mention later.

In a melancholy mood today; blood sugar has been low for like a week and I can't seem to get it up... strange.

Sovereign or not? Make up your mind...

2006-07-03T11:05:00.000-07:00

Assumptions I operate under
1. God is really big
2. God knows everything
3. God is in control

I think most X's would agree - even if you are an open theist - you would agree that God is the being who is at least in control of being in control, and just chooses to let Godself be moved by God's love for us.

That being said, I think I have pinpointed a sadness, a grief if you will, that I have been feeling in regards to my family in God.

I am grieved that we say that we think God is in control and then speak/act as though God is not.
You are probably thinking, "thank you captain obvious."
Let me explain, no, let me sum up (didya catch that?):

The general grip/worry/lament of X is that the world is going to hell in a handbasket. We are worried by sex/violence/cussing in film, sad tales from the news, porn in romance novels and the internet, racism, classism, lack of social justice, etc. These are all things that are not necessarily such good things. I see that we have something to be sad about.
BUT what I am thinking is that our regrets and complaints are distracting us from remembering that God is sovereign. (If your theology allows for God to not be sovereign, then I guess you are off the hook on this on, and that is cool too.)
If we believe God to be in control, knowing all things, then why do we as a religion/faith get so bent out of shape about all these crappy things happening as though God needs our help stopping it?
I mean, all the junk that is around is all the same junk that was around through all of history - judgment/sex/violence/abuse/"isms". It only feels worse perhaps because we are in the middle of it. Or maybe TV and the information age allows us to be way more aware of all the stuff that happens - whatever - the point is that there is nothing new under the sun - including sin.
SOOO - if God was able to be a redemptive force all those many years ago, why isn't God able to be a redemptive agent even now?
This idea is tough because it will cause us to rethink how we view our roles in the work of God. If this is so, we are no longer allowed to be nay-sayers but are now required to be light and salt and the physical manifestation of the hand of God's reconciliation wherever we go - even if it gets us killed (hmmmmm.... sound familiar?)
To reframe how we see God's presence and ability in the world, we are suddenly much more responsible to, well, respond.
I almost feel like my complaining is a moot point. Shit happens. How you deal with it is more important than trying to prevent it. (Although I can't pull myself away from the call to try my best to not be the cause of that shit, mind you. There is still something to be said about living a life of holiness. Does saying shit make me unholy? It's not like the word "crap" or "stuff" wouldn't have meant the same thing in my heart.... ok, ok, I'll stop on that for now)
Anyway, trying to prevent sin can only go so far... we take the action that we can with all the grace that we can. BUT, when the sin happens, or is happening, that is when I need to chill and deal with the situation in the most "I believe God is in control" way possible.
For example: Hollywood makes rated R movies. Deal. It is not going to stop anytime soon. If the option of complaining about it/rejecting it is taken out of the picture, what next?
Perhaps seeing that Hollywood is doing us a favor?
Hollywood is actually exposing a lot of the things that are the realities of everyday life for many people. We as X's now have an opportunity to engage the people of the world that are pre-believing with an understanding of the questions, concerns, fears, angers, emotions, etc. that they are experiencing.
Awesome! God, once again, in God's sovereignty, is using what was intended (perhaps?) as evil for good! God is being God's glorious, wonderful, graceful, redemptive, reconciling self - and working everything for good for those who love God and are called according to God's purpose.... God is using Hollywood to be the prophet so we can be the healers and ministers and join people in the response to the sin that is exposed.
I really want to reexamine how I view God. I say God is sovereign, now I want to start living like that more intentionally. Who wants to join me?

Here are some verses that are helping me refocus. If it feels like to you that I am proof texting, I am sorry. All I can say is that these verses/passages are working on me right now as little mantras of hope....

Romans 8: 9-12:
You, however, are not controlled by the sinful nature but are in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you. Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation--but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it.

Romans 8:26-28
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.

Psalm 86: 7-11
In the day of my trouble I call on you, for you will answer me.
There is none like you among the gods, O Lord, nor are there any works like yours.
All the nations you have made shall come and bow down before you, O Lord, and shall glorify your name.
For you are great and do wondrous things; you alone are God.
Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart to revere your name.

All of Job 38-41 (perhaps take a gander at Job's response)

Jeremiah 23:23-24
"Am I a God near by," says the Lord, "and not a God far off? Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?" says the Lord. "Do I not fill heaven and earth?" says the Lord.

Ok, I guess that is enough for now.... there are so many other stories and such that I wish to share! (I love the Word of God!)

Seriously though, who wants to take this challenge with me?

attempting to actually work this thing.

2006-07-03T10:25:00.000-07:00

disney2
Originally uploaded by Princess Babydoll.

I am freaking trying to get this pic as my profile pic and it won't let me and that BUGS!!!!!
I think I want a real live web site so that I can put on there whatever I want! I am tired of this blogger thing not letting me do what I want!
Fie!

On a side note, it's pretty funny-odd that the expression on my face in this pic shows the exact opposite than what I am feeling right now. Again, Fie!

God is moving!

2006-07-02T11:37:00.000-07:00

This week has been tiring and amazing. God has been moving! What I really like is that God showed me God's hand of omnipresence this week. God was at Camp in FL and Wild Oats in CA. God was in a sermon in South Branden and a coffee date in Pasadena.
I really like that God is everywhere doing wonderful things all the time. What I don't like is how I miss it so often because I am busy being self-focused on what is going on in my little life in my little city in my little mind!

I was so blessed yesterday by the Mister telling me his stories from camp.... God touched kids, reconciled relationships and brought the realization the we just plain need community. I was so overwhelmed I couldn't even respond.... and you know me... I can ALWAYS respond!

God is also doing a bunch of stuff at WO - two new managers, hearts that are breaking, questions galore, real-life ministry.
I know that I am doing ministry right here, right now. All my seminary education is right here, right now. Wow. It really is paying off. Well, kinda. Paying off in the spiritual sense, not so much in the financial sense.

I am so excited to see more of the movement; highly anticipating more of the Holy Spirit. I want to be a part of this movement for sure - I miss it, I miss the HS, I miss the reality of the impossible.

I love God. More Lord, More Lord, More Lord. Amen.

Charmed again

2006-06-30T10:53:00.000-07:00

He has verbally expressed he isn't so hot on text messaging.
Usually only short responses; I always text first.

Texted me this morning.
Unprompted.

*sigh*

I love culture?

2006-06-27T09:31:00.000-07:00

I found this book:

Pomosexuals: Challenging Assumptions About Gender and Sexuality ed. by Carol Quenn and Lawrence Schimel

The book was obviously kindly and carefully written to those of the lesbian/gay lifestyle who are seeking to understand their sexuality in relation to other lesbian/gay people. I am an outsider. I feel like I stumbled upon some beautifully dangerous Portrait-of-Dorian-Grey-esqe opium pit. (I am Dorian Grey btw.) I am shocked and a bit embarrassed by my reaction to picking up this book.
The most wonderfully surprising thing about this book is the strange commradery that I feel with the different writers. This quote, hopefully, we example that to you:

"There are derogatory words, like queer and slut and whore and the notorious N-word, that some people want to reclaim, even wear as a badge of honor, a Purple Heart for survivors of intolerance. There are words like Christian or lesbian, that carry a different value judgement depending on who is speaking and who is listening. And there are words like sex and power and anger and pride, words that carry mixed judgements in themselves almost regardless of who says or hears them."

Mostly the book is about loaded language. I suppose you could read Telford Work or someone more "Christiany" (not that Telford Work is X-y, just that he is way more intellectual about it and therefore more boring) and get the same gist, but perhaps stepping really, really far out of our comfort zones will make this soup spicier. And hey! It's about sex! You all know how much I am fascinated by the way we (especially X's!) view sex!

Love that the title is Pomosexuals. Totally took postmodernism to another level. It made me think of Barry and Craig's Matrix of Meanings book. We are truly post-sexual.

Not much more to say about that... maybe more as the book unfolds.

Uh-oh...

2006-06-23T07:41:00.000-07:00

Last night and the night before I had the distinct pleasure of conversing with an extrememly intelligent (and might I say handsome) young man on the various impacts the current United States theology makes on both local and global churches.
Words that nary have graced some ears, such as "hermanutic" and "theological sophistication" were copiously used.
As we pondered the solutions to such matters as the problem of upper-middle-class disconnect with the reality of the Old Testament prophetic speeches on financial justice and the issue of localized ethics being more necessary than general "Christian Ethics" (note: as said young man put it: "What has happened when a pastor finds himself repenting to his congregation for an affair? Which small choices led to that?" to which I responded, in agreement, "It's the little foxes that spoil the vine.") I was charmed to the core. Even though our topics grim, my heart smiled and my face showed it. I know because I immediately headed to Community Group! after the conversation, where it was quickly and loudly announced that I was "glowing."
I insisted it was the sticky summer sweat, but inside I knew I had been caught.

Then it hit me, like a ton of bricks: I am totalty enamored by men who can talk practical theology and politics and philosophy and interpretation and church history and, well, all things intelligencia.
To charm me, just mention Pinnock with a whisper or contextual ministry with a smile.
Discuss the meaning of life as a person of powerlessness in a traditionalist society.
Talk dirty politics to me.

Dang.
That means I am dork.

grrrrr.....

2006-06-21T13:36:00.000-07:00

Why do we have to loose a freaking 10 game winning streak to the freaking Rockies?

Oh my gosh......

2006-06-17T23:09:00.000-07:00

Ok - exactly 5 hours long.....
the bases are loaded with two outs and Crosby is up...
come on come on.....
WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!
Crowd on thier feet Crosby is hitting 253

ball two!!!!
*biting my nails!!!!!****
ball three!!!!!!
if he walks him then the A's WIN!!!!!
how anti-climactic!
3-1 (grrrr)
YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
Ball FOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE OAKLAND A'S HAVE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS THE NINTH GAME IN A ROW!!!!!!!!!!

FINAL SCORE: 5-4

YESYESYESYESYESYESYES

btw.... Mark Lovers - kiss my toe baby!

wow

2006-06-17T22:53:00.000-07:00

It is 10:50pm on Saturday PM and the Dodgers and A's are in bottom of the 17th inning - score is 4-4. Yup, that is what I said - the SEVENTEENTH!!!!!!! INNING!!!!!!! The last time the Dodgers went 16 innings was like four years ago, but I can't remember against who. The last time the A's went 16 was.... I dunno. Five hour game so far friends. They must be really tired. I am tired just watching it for goodness sake!
The longest game in history was 8 hours and 6 minutes and was freaking 25 innings long! I believe it was in '84, and I believe it was Chicago White Sox and Milwakee Brewers with Chicago taking it 7-6. Look it up on www.MLB.com to check me. I also see to recall that the most innings played was 26, but the game was still less than 8h6m - and I think that was like in 1920 in Boston or something. Again...check me on that.

I think we should win.

And by the way, "we" means the A's.

I did it with help

2006-06-16T09:18:00.000-07:00

JennMich
Originally uploaded by Princess Babydoll.

Here is Jenn and I right after the graduation ceremony. I am not sure what we are so happy about. Maybe the fact that I will no longer annoy her with boring drivel about classes and irritations about having to study. Or maybe we just love each other.
Jenn is at GA ( it's a Presby thing that I don't really understand.)
I really, really miss her. She is very important to me.
Actually...I am missing a lot of people lately. My Family, Sara and BeeGee and Uriah, Jenn, Paul.... today is kind of a sad day... but I will certainly get over it.
I like that about myself. I get over things pretty quickly. Paul had a good word for this the other day: Resilient. I am gonna own that description. It feels good to be able to say I am resilient.
Just give me the space to feel my stuff and then I am A-OK. I really do think that generally this is a good quality... sometimes people hold stuff in forever and never feel it out - I have learned that this reaction isn't so good.
I would rather feel it and then be free to release it then hold on to it and have it run me over like a truck later.
SOOOO - this morning I am missing people and my heart hurts. BUT - I am resilient, durable and flexible.
"I like it! That's my new philosophy!" (Sally Brown - Charlie's sister)

On being twitterpayted....

2006-06-14T08:19:00.000-07:00

I graduated last Saturday and I now work at Wild Oats and love it - but I don't really want to talk about that right now. Right now, I wanna talk about love (the romantic kind - not the happy Jesus kind - although I do take issue with separating the two... but that is for another day).

So, here are some questions.... based on recent conversations with the women-folk and the interesting "love life" issues that have popped up for us in the past six months... I am curious to all your responses.

1. If you like someone but then they don't like you, should you stick in there or should you bail?
2. For how long should you pine/when should you bail?
which leads to:
2. Is unrequited love from God?
3. Should you get back with ex's? Pros and Cons?
4. Should we as Christians try to take romantic relationships into our own hands?
meaning:
5. How much imput do we/should we have in our own love lives?
6. Why is it so damn scary to fall in love?
7. What happens when you fall in love and you are too scared to act on it?
which brings up:
8. How much work and pain and risk is too much work and pain and risk?

All of these things have been swimming about in my gray matter for awhile. Mostly because of a great couple-friend of mine who worked their ASSES off to be in relationship and are now getting married - I am so touched by their story.
Also, because another little missy sister has been in love with this guy for like 2 years and he is not so much and she can't pull away.... she is not a crazy woman!!! She is sane and sure and beautiful and spirit-led... but this love for this man has her ravished.
AND, I have been on my own saga (drama!?) of romance over the past 8 months or so and I am not sure how to proceed because I am full of wonderment and excitment and fear and joy and trepidation all at once.

Internal monologue alert!!! Internal monologue alert!!
I feel like this love thing is much harder than I thought it should be. At first I thought that it was hard because I had not "found the right person." But ya know what? As of late, EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP that I have spoken with friends about, heard about, been in, tried out, learned about - has been HARD.
DAMN! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN EASY RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!
But, hey, ya know what else? Every one of those relationships that I know have been super-hard have come out on the other side being super-amazing. Maybe it has to do with our age... we are too experienced and life educated to happ-hazzardly "fall" in love anymore. We know too much. We have hurt and been hurt too often. We have been stupid ass idiot heads far too many times.... Simply put... I know better than to "fall" in love.

Oh no, my friends... we no longer "fall" in love:

We walk, heads held somewhat high -
tied to the arm of God -
bound up in our issues, fears, assumptions, fantasies and hopes -
as Shadrach/Meshach/Abednego -
into the raging seven-times-hotter fire -
and we burn
and trust
and fear
and trust
and cry
and trust
and fear some more.
We penetrate, totally aware of the heat that flickers at our toes
into - oh my goodness/help me Jesus - love.
Yet somewhere deep down we know
even though terrified by it,
even though hating it,
even though called "stupidfoolishcrazy - walk yourself/your lover/together like that in a fire on purpose?"
That when we come out, we will stand free of all which bound us.
We will not reek of smoke.
We will not die in what should have killed us.
We will stand tall, completely aware of our foolish faith.
And those around us will see the extra figure in the fire.... and our stories will testify... our stories will encourage... our stories will be those that make up a diary of the best kind of love story there is:
the intentional, unconditional, broken, beaten, resurrected, fought for, valuable love story that is most closely akin
to the love story that is us and God.

.................

I guess I answered my own questions.
Bring it on.

For Rachel...

2006-06-05T12:37:00.000-07:00

Rach is irritated with me about not talking about dates:

The best story up until now is this:

I went on a fabulous date to San Diego. I think it was the best first-date experience I have ever had. The man made PLANS for goodness sake! We went to a baseball game (OH YEAH!!!!) and went to Seaport(?) Village and Coronado and La Jolla and his place to cook together (another OH YEAH!!!!!).
The best part was when I cut the very tippy tip of my finger off. And passed out in his living room.

Classic.

Lucklily, he is a doctor. Interstingly, he is not THAT kind of doctor, but he did really well acting like one. And damn if dessert wasn't awesome.

At Sara and Uriah and LUCY'S!! AHHHH

2006-06-05T12:12:00.000-07:00

So, the realization that I am really going to be an auntie is hitting me pretty hard. This, on top of the whole graduation thing, has catapulted me into the "ah-ha" of the next stage of life. Sara's baby shower came quickly on the heals of the Master's Project finishing. She is big and round and beautiful. Her shower was exquisite- there was so much wonderful gourmet food and drink (only one veggie option, but that helped with the calorie counting!) and her mom made a cute cake that looked like a hot air balloon with a little baby in it.
The baby's name is Lucy. I am happy because that is the name I voted for. The choice was between Lucy and Emma. Don't get me wrong, I really love the name Emma, but so does everyone else lately, so, of course, I couldn't be like everyone else, and so I voted for Lucy. Wahoo! I won!
I think I should get a prize. Like a T-shirt that says "I picked my neice's name and you didn't. Ha." Maybe that is too rude. I dunno.
I am writing this from their computer - we are off to Napa today to buy some good Pine Ridge Charmstone (you can only get it here) - one of the best varital reds I have ever had for the price (only like 30 bucks!) We just got back from doing a favorite AM activity of mine: walking to a local coffee house, sitting and reading and people watching and talking. Embracing the day... and boy oh boy...Phillipians is doing a number on me.
Yesterday was SHOPPING (duh! I'm with Sara!) and church at my old co-pastors.... that was interesting. I love them so much... I also realized how much I love CHURCH! too and that we are all part of this worldwide faith in Christ. (WARNING: THEOLOGY TALK APPROACHING!!!)
So here we are - in this SUPER fired-up, loud, amazingly excellent music service. We are singing and laughing and some are dancing and kneeling and shouting. I'm thinking, "wow. I miss this." But then I remember my church in Pasadena and I start to cry. I am thinking,"wow. I miss them."
I did not feel removed, I felt apart, but attached. I think I may have actually felt what Paul felt when he told the church in Phillipi "I thank my God everytime I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now."
I was loving the arms of God that held me during that Emeryville service - yet I was missing the feet of God that walk with me in Pasadena.
The beauty was in the connection I felt to the worldwide church. I knew that I was grafted to this huge, cross-cultural, cross-boundaried, diverse, expansive, timeless thing called the kingdom of God. I had, in the truest sense of the word, a catholic moment.
More on that later I suppose....
I am still ruminating.... still marinating....

Finally an update!

2006-05-24T08:04:00.000-07:00

So, I have been a little gone for the past couple weeks. The intriguing thing is that I have felt very present to myself everyday. This is good - as it has been a little tumultuous in that department over the last couple years. "Where am I?" is what I have often found myself wondering...

So, here, I am... and since my last post I have been to 5 parties, 2 hikes, 6 runs, 23 trips to Peet's, 1 trip to the mall, cleaned my room and significantly re-destroyed it 4 times, worked over 40 hours, conducted 7 rehearsals, picked up my regalia for baccalaureate/graduation, and sent off most of my program notes for my master's project to the productionist. Oh yeah, and I caught a cold which I am currently nursing. (I think there was a date or two in there as well ;) )

I am surprisingly not exhausted though! Nice!

SOOO, exciting news! I am going to watch the Padre's play in Petco Park this Saturday! My first time there and one more ballpark to check off the list! Groovy! The NL West is pretty competitive right now, so even though San Diego is on the bottom of the list, any game can turn the tides! I love it when we are in that part of the season when every game counts. My A's are in that space right now (well, kinda) with Texas and the Angels... we are always fiddling around our position. The summer months are always fun for ball because it is far enough into the season when most games mean something but you still have a little while before you have to relinquish your hope. In June/July/August we all still have a chance.... I mean at this time last year the Astros were like 15 games back... and they made it all the way! I mean, really, The Astros began the year with a list of problems! Lance Berkman was out for like a month following offseason knee surgery. Jeff Bagwell struggled through a painful first month before deciding it was time to go on the disabled list. AND nearly one-third of the roster was hit with everything from the flu to pneumonia to upper respiratory infections!!!! BUT BUT BUT - the Astros recovered from their abysmal start to go 74-43 the rest of the year -- a .632 winning percentage over four months! Mind you, the White Sox took it 4-0 in the series... but that is a great story too since they hadn't won a World Series Championship since 1917! And... Interestingly enough... the White Sox won their last eight games of the playoffs, tying the all-time record for consecutive wins in a single postseason with the Boston Red Sox in 2004. The Pale Hose were 11-1 overall in the postseason (3-0 in DS; 4-1 in LCS; 4-0 in WS). Since the beginning of Division play and the LCS in 1969, Chicago is one of seven teams to go through a postseason with one or fewer losses.

Just to show you, check this out:
Year Team Record Loss
1976 Cincinnati 7-0 None
1999 New York (AL) 11-1 ALCS Game 3
2005 CHICAGO (AL) 11-1 ALCS Game 1
1989 Oakland 8-1 ALCS Game 3
1969 New York (NL) 7-1 WS Game 1
1970 Baltimore 7-1 WS Game 4
1984 Detroit 7-1 WS Game 2

And yes, I wanted to point out that my babies were on that list, thank you very much. It was the Battle of the Bay series and the earthquake happened. I saw it on TV - it was the pregame hullabaloo - I think I wound up under the kitchen table though.

ANYWAY - I graduate in - count 'em - 17 days. That is less than 3 weeks... less than a month... all the work I have for school will be done June 2nd, when my Master's Project goes up. That is in a week and 2 days. Holy Cabooses.
The master's project is coming along - I am doing this crazy thing where we use theatre to talk about sex. SO - theatre, God, Christianity, sex. Yeah, the biggies. It'll be great.

Going to Sara's baby shower on the 3rd and I start my new part time job at Wild Oats next week sometime! WOW! Looks like I might get some new voice students too!

Well.... hopefully I won't be so long in the chatter next time...... off to work ATC!

Discovery is fun

2006-05-08T07:49:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to my friend Feminary's birthday party. Her husband told her she is now "old + 1" which I thought was funny, but untrue. This woman is NOT old - she is graced. I got to look at a ton of great pics and a really creative timeline that she had made up for herself and learn more about her.
I went away from the party with a beautiful new understanding of who she is and the journey that has formed her. I was so touched by her large and varied circle of friends and so moved by her willingness to share so much of herself.
Just goes to show you - you will never know the treasures that lie inside of your friends until you take the time to find out.
I feel a treasure hunt coming on...

I love my team.... I love baseball

2006-05-05T13:04:00.000-07:00

my team
Originally uploaded by Princess Babydoll.

I had the fortune to see my team - the A's - play two days in a row! YES!!!!
if you click on this pick it will take you to MORE pics of my boyfriends in Oakland. And yes, I am robbing the cradle.
Oh yeah...we won both games. And I sat next to Eric Chavez' parents. Cool.

VIVA LA RAZA!!!!!

2006-05-05T08:54:00.000-07:00

Hola!
¡Feliz Cinco de Mayo! ¡Celebre con sabor! ¡Celebre nuestros hermanos y a hermanas en México! ¡Ore para su seguridad y su éxito!

Deseo que mi español mas fuera y exacto, pero neccesito hacer el mejor con lo que usted tiene.

Right?

MAYDAY! MAYDAY!

2006-05-01T12:00:00.000-07:00

HAPPY HAPPY MAY DAY!!!!!!
If we were in England, I wouldn't be blogging on work time because we would have the day off and then we could have a picnic and go to the pub for ale at night.
MAN! I wanna live in England today!

Manhattan in California?

2006-04-28T13:42:00.000-07:00

beach2
Originally uploaded by Princess Babydoll.

This is one of the pics I took when my Sara came to town many months ago. (Ya know, the trip where I found out I was gonna be an Auntie!) The pics turned out beautifully. I love living in a place where I can have NO photography talent and yet still get great pics! God's creation makes me look way more talented than I am!

More proof I am a nerd....

2006-04-27T17:32:00.000-07:00

I spent two hours reading this website today.... and loving it.

It has inspired me to start a rousing campaign to bring this back into the venacular.

Rad.

Rachel is an artist

2006-04-21T11:08:00.000-07:00

5
Originally uploaded by mercy.triumphs.judgment.

I love Rachel because she makes me look good. And she's cool too.

2006-04-21T11:07:00.000-07:00

7
Originally uploaded by mercy.triumphs.judgment.

well, ok, good and goofy.

Happenings

2006-04-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

Lots of things have been happenings!
Sarah S came out for a little 30th b-day celebratin' and Disney fun! Here we is: For some weird reason, we saw fit to take various pics of ourselves from above. Maybe we think it makes us look thinner.
And, of course, what would a B-day celebration be without beverage - and the ensuing beverage photos?
I like how the glass looks like it is sweating - if you look real close you can see a beautifully purple-ee blue outline around the kidney bean shaped reflection in the 2nd pic. Cooooooool.

After a LOOONNNGGG dress rehearsal for next weeks ArtsFest Dance/Poetry night, I was able to see some church buds and that was MUCH needed. LOVE IT.....

Rach is in town, I will see her tonight - I am VERY EXCITED!

By the way - whoever posted the great poem for Easter - boo! on you for being anon. and yea! on you for sharing the inspiration.

2006-04-16T16:56:00.000-07:00

happy resurrection sunday...

Christ is Risen -
He is Risen indeed....

Apathy

2006-04-12T08:44:00.000-07:00

There is a real good song that has these lines:

What a beautiful piece of heartache
this has all turned out to be
Lord knows we've learned the hard way
all about healthy apathy.

I am hanging out in this healthy apathy place. Very bad, very queer, very strange things are afoot at the Circle-M.
I am concerned that I have no appetite for intimate relationship. Love is like dark chocolate. Makes you pucker and open wide all at the same time while slipping down your gullet with extraordinary ease, filling you up too fast because it's too rich and yet you still want more, more, more.
It is like I have eaten several slices of Max's Opera Cafe Triple Fantasy Chocolate Espresso Torte (ohthankyouJesus) and now I am sick. I am feeling that feeling - that oh so horrible feeling - dare I say it?
"If I never eat chocolate again, it will be too soon."

I guess the good part is that whenever you say something like that, you know you really will eat chocolate again, because the precise act that made you sick it the precise act that you crave again. I, for one, always want more chocolate.

But not today.

thx again R...

2006-04-04T23:54:00.000-07:00

Today is 04.05.06

Rach encourages us to celebrate. Fortunately, we are, as it is Jenn's Bday bash. And, apparently, it is the 04.05.06 bash too.

Creativity is stirring...

2006-04-04T12:10:00.000-07:00

I don't like my blog anymore but I don't know how to change it around. I would like to know how to make pretty pictures and show the covers of the books that I am reading or the CD's that I am currently jamming to.
I would also like to use the entirety of the page.
This is an interesting comment on my personality....

I like to use the entirety of the page to express myself. Even though I am a very free thinker, I like to have the dimensions of the page to think within.
I can hear myself know saying to people in music jam sessions - "Yeah, I can make up a song - GIVE ME A TOPIC"
I can remember asking for guidance without specifics.
One time someone spoke a word over me and told me that I was like a horse on a track, but the track was very, very wide. I was running and running and the track gently guides me in the directions that I should go. I am free within boundaries. I am safe within the guidance of God.

I want to use the whole page, my friends, and I want you to use the whole page too. Maybe you will start from the middle and spread out, maybe you will start from the edges and go in - or may be you will be kinda like me and throw stuff all over in random over.

Ahhhhh.... and all this starts because I want to change my blog.
:)

We have a tie....

2006-04-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

The "Best Quote at Church" Award has a tie this week:

"I'm gonna be humble and I'm gonna be right, damn it!"
Maria

"Did I just say that out loud? OHH GOOD!"
Tre

INDIA.ARIE "Strength, Courage & Wisdom"

2006-03-29T11:54:00.000-08:00

Inside my head there lives a dream that I want to see in the sun

Behind my eyes there lives a me that I've been hiding for much too long

'Cause I've been, too afraid to let it show

'Cause I'm scared of the judgment that may follow

Always putting off my living for tomorrow

It's time to step out on faith,

I've gotta show my faith

It's been illusive for so long,

but freedom is mine today

I've gotta step out on faith,

It's time to show my faith

Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

Strength, courage, and wisdom

And it's been inside of me all along,

Strength, courage, and wisdom

Inside of me

Behind my pride there lives a me, that knows humility

Inside my voice there is a soul, and in my soul there is a voice

But I've been, too afraid to make a choice

'Cause I'm scared of the things that I might be missing

Running too fast to stop and listen

It's time to step out on faith,

I've gotta show my faith

It's been illusive for so long but freedom is mine today

I've gotta step out on faith it's time to show my faith

Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

Strength, courage, and wisdom

And it's been inside of me all along,

Strength, courage, and wisdom

Inside of me

I close my eyes and I think of all the things that I want to see

'Cause I know, now that I've opened up my heart I know that

Anything I want can be, so let it be, so let it be:.

Strength, courage, and wisdom

It's been inside of me all along,

Strength, courage, wisdom

It's been inside of me all along, everyday I'm praying for:

Strength, courage, and wisdom

To find me, yeah,

Strength, courage, and wisdom

Inside of me

I found it in me, I

found it finally

I'm sure to keep it' cause I like it, I say thank you

Nancy Drew's Guide to Life says...

2006-03-23T15:43:00.000-08:00

"It's a bit gratuitous to quote passages from Shakespeare on a daily basis."
--The Clue of the Dancing Puppet

We just can't stay away!

2006-03-23T14:05:00.000-08:00

Tink and Ariel were at it again - here are some pics to prove it!

Us in our "plush" versions

In one of the courtyards of the Grand Californian

She is soooo cute! Love her!

We got back Tuesday late night from our local Disneyland vacation. We, as always, had a great time and there was no fighting in the car!
Both of us needed to be together - we hadn't seen each other in friendship capacity for over 10 weeks - just goes to show you - QUALITY TIME IS IMPORTANT!!!!!!!

Helpless Romantic

2006-03-18T12:11:00.000-08:00

I have recently discovered that I am a completely helpless romantic. I especially mean the HELPLESS part of that. The heart is a funny thing - we just can't control it. So, since I can't beat my heart, I have joined it!
The good thing is that I have finally come to terms with the fact that I love ROMANCE. Jenn helped me realize this when she and I were talking about "this guy" and she said - "You're not letting yourself enjoy this thing."
She was right - I was scared of happiness because it meant that I might be hurt.
This is hilarious because I think being afraid of pain is the stupidist thing ever in the world. It ties your soul up in knots and stops you from feeling anything except pain anyway! Now, I do realize that sometimes fear and caution are a VERY healthy thing - they can keep you away from things that God just doesn't need you to be all mixed up with. Fear can be a great motivator for wisdom - but I think in the overall scheme of things being "too cautious" steals away life in the sneakiest way.

So, whether you need to hear it or not, I leave with these cheese-ball words (hey - I just told you I was a helpless romantic!!):

Sing like no one is listening,
Dance like no one is watching,
Love like you have never been hurt
Live like it's heaven on earth.

There is a God...

2006-03-16T10:15:00.000-08:00

I am done!

Almost done...

2006-03-14T20:46:00.000-08:00

ok so I pretty much bombed my final.
i have 6-7 pages left to write on my last paper.
and my feelings got hurt today.

weeping may endure for a night an joy comes in the morning.

pbbbbp!

Tertullian

2006-03-11T15:30:00.000-08:00

For all of Tertullians faults, I came across a quote today that makes me want to listen to him - at least about some things.
It answers the question, "Can anything good come out of Tertullian?"

"I think I may say without fear of contradiction that by the will of God the Scriptures themselves were so arranged as to furnish matter for the heretics. For without Scripture there can be no heresy."

Well ain't that the truth?

2006-03-10T07:50:00.000-08:00

SCENE: INT. DAY

Last day of New Testament Gospels Class, class is anxious. Hurried and listening to death and resurrection speech. Staci and Michelle one row behind/one seat to the right of Kyliah. Staci and Michelle whisper during lecture. Kyliah listening. Enter Dr. Thompson.

Dr. Thompson (lecturing): So, what is the one thing not written about in relation to Jesus and his salvific work for God the Father in the Gospels?

(Several uninformed, if not bad, answers from several class members. Michelle and Staci whisper equally bad answers to each other. Beat.)

Pregnant Kyliah: (excitedly) God's wrath!

Dr. Thompson: (equally excited: pleased someone learned something) YES! The wrath!

Michelle: (whispering to Staci) Gosh, she is sooo smart!

Staci: (whispering back) She has two brains right now!

Michelle: (very out loud) HA HA HA HA HA HA H AH AH AH AHA AH HA A!

(Dr. Thompson shoots a look over her glasses. No smile - she has not heard the comment)

END SCENE

As promised

2006-03-10T07:38:00.000-08:00

More beverage containers: this one with Thais' hand.
I TOLD you I would remember!

This is the new sign for our church, conveniently located at the pub where we had Community Group last night :)

And here is one more pic I found in my phone from the Sundance Film Festival. This is looking up Main St. On an extremely dreary day. It was really, really cold. And wet. And snowy.

Did I mention cold?

Sunday, I did not believe in God

2006-03-08T07:50:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday, I forgot how to believe in God. I had a wrestling match with God, or doubt, or an angel or whatever, and felt alone and ouch and crippled and blecchkkk.
This verse attacked me yesterday while working on a paper about the problem of evil.

"Though the fig tree does not blossom,
and no fruit is on the vines;
though the produce of the olive fails
and the fields yield no food;
though the flock is cut off from the fold
and there is no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD
i will exult in the God of my salvation.
GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of the deer,
and makes me tread upon the heights"

Habakkuk 3.17-19

Michelle + Motivation = 0

2006-03-06T07:59:00.000-08:00

Yeah - so I have none.
This weekend has been annoyingly difficult to concentrate on all the stuff I have to get done. I am hopelessly distracted.
I think I am having one of those mental reactions to the fact that I am graduating in June. I am not sure what I will be doing, except I know that it will be "real life" stuff and to be honest, I like my "fake life" as a student. I enjoy being lazy when I want to be, taking a day off of classes whenever, procrastinating on papers and studying and hanging out with great people freaking ALL DAY LONG!!!!
I love the atmosphere where everybody feels the same stresses (to some extent) and kinda is cocooned up in this attitude of "not yet". It is very comfortable to put off actually fulfilling the career path we are called to.
If you are reading this - PLEASE pray for me that I get my papers done like now (pray now if you like, but I mean that more like I get my papers done now - Ah - English - a barrel of grammatical fun!)

So, off I am to continue work - and these papers:

Women, Bible and the Church = Egalitarian position paper
NT Gospels = What is the Kingdom of God?
Systematics = Is the Bible to be trusted?
Systematics = What about theodicy?

AND

a Final Exam in NT Gospels

pray friends, pray.

BABY ALERT!

2006-03-04T11:37:00.000-08:00

Sara and Uriah are having a...a....a....

GIRL!!!!!

YESSSSS!