If only my love was 39 pounds

Last Saturday my friend Justin and I went to the world premiere of new independent film 39 Pounds of Love. PLEASE check it out. Cute, funny, moving and beautifully made. You gotta see it.

Check it out at:

http://39poundsoflove.com/main.html

Good Music

This is my friend Brad. Brad makes good music. You should give a listen.
Link below and to the right.

http://www.underthethreshold.com/musicaudio.htm

On a completely different topic...

Just bought a new digital camera and am going to attempt to "picturcord" my upcoming road trip to the East Coast with my wonderful friend, Jenn (AKA Jennwith2ns, Ariel, Turtle, or - my personal favorite - Hot Momma). Here is Jenn ( I love this pic of her - she is so cute! Her eyes match her shirt PERFECT!) and an example of the first attempts at packing. I figure I will TRY to pack for 5 days worth even though the trip is 18 days. I am chalking it up to backpacking/triathalon preparation - where less is best. Who wants to carry 75lbs when you could carry 50lbs instead? If I wanted to carry an extra 75 lbs - I would never have joined WW!!!

interesting

Here is me today at work, and with my friend/coworker Jim. I have a lot of friends named Jim. Weird. WOW- I look almost as tired as I feel (up at 4:45am today for swim train - did I tell you I am in training for a triathalon!?)

This is about 9 months after my journey began. I weigh 198.
At my first weigh in, I was at 272.4. That was December 30th, 2004 - but I just say I started January 1st, 2005. This wasn't a new year's resolution, it's just that Jan 1 is an easy day to remember. I am the girl who didn't remember her anniversary with her last long-term boyfriend. Probably one of the reasons we broke up ;).

Visit with Gram

So, this is my Gram and my mom and myself. I think I weigh about 235, down 3osome lbs. I can't remember exactly when she came to visit- April 20something. I leave on August 27th, 2005 to see her (Gram) in PA - I will be about 40 lbs lighter than last time I saw her. That'll be neat. I still don't really see that much of a difference, but that is why my WW leader wanted me to make a progress board!
That's not all true. I see it in my face. I would like to see it in my butt more though- why can't my body shrink too????!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?

Journey of a hundred pounds?

One more just to prove that I wasn't kidding. Me and my parents out to breakfast with my friend Justin (who is taking the pic).

it would be funny if it weren't so true

oh my...is it true? Yes, friends, it is: Me at Tre's birthday last year. That was 5/29/04. I weight about 275 here. The pic below is with a buddy of mine, James.

This was 7 months before my Journey began.

A journey of a thousand miles...

...begins with one step so they say. And that is the story of Vernal Falls.

please note: you get a sneak peak at what I'm thinking in the italics

Episode IV: A New Hope

The days of May 19th-22nd proved to be the hurricane rather than the eye I was looking forward to. After a good weigh-in, a scramble to re-pack the car, a heart-felt conversation about being a grown up and self-care(inflicted by me to another), another car re-pack, an almost too slow pick-up of a terribly laid back friend, and yet another re-pack, four friends were on their way to Yosemite National Park to meet two others that were waiting for us.
After a 2:30am arrival, we slept and arose to tackle hiking on a beautiful Friday morning. Sophie found us a "moderate" hike and suggests that we all do a moderate hike and then we split up so that I could do an easy hike and the super-athletes could do a strenuos hike.
Great! I can't begin to think about doing a strenous hike! My friends are rad about taking my un-fit but into account. I am so embarrassed. Oh, well. I'm used to it.

So we head toward Vernal Falls.
Moderate was a good description of the 3/4 mile up/down/up/up/up/up/down trot to the bottom of the falls, where we met a small bridge and felt a light mist occasionally cool our bare flesh.
"The top of the falls is only another 3/4 mile - and besides, this is a moderate hike"
For 1/4 mile we climb steeply to a fork in the road. My heart is pumping pretty hard, but I am not in pain. My legs are tired. I hate being out of shape. Good thing I'm loosing weight. A small sea has formed in the small of back and around my neck from the salt-water spring that is my forehead I am so gross:

A sign:
Nevada Falls -->

Vernal Falls: go up

Genius girl (yeah, that's me) announces that she wants to go to the top. This is only a moderate - I can do a moderate right?
The others shrug and start up what quickly becomes the hardest hike most of us have experienced including the athletes. why is this so hard? what am I thinking? what am doing?
The last 1/2 mile is 600 granite steps of various shapes and sizes with a literal shower of Falls spray attacking like little darts.
The first step finds me looking up a massive wall of granite, soaked with icecold melt off.
Ok, I can do this - just take it slow. My confidence is building. I feel good. I can do this. I can do this.
My leg raises to connect with the first step, and suddenly this is no longer a hike up a fall.
It is a battle for the rest of my life.

More to come...

Embarrassing

So I decided to go on this hike that I went on last summer with my buddy Eric. Last summer I was totally out of breath, unable to make it to the top without stopping 8bazillion times, and really hurting the next day.
I thought that I would go and prove to myself that after all this freaking hard work, I could make it up the dumb mountain without stopping; that I would conquer this heckof hard hike after all.
SO, I start out at 10:40 yesterday morning at the trailhead. By 11:50 I was sitting on a rock past the peak and looking at a blanket (crazy-cool - it looked EXACTLY like a blanket) of clouds covering the Tri-Valley. And I wasn't even breathing hard.
The thing is, I am totally embarrassed. Seriously folks, this, honestly, was an easy hike: slight incline for .5 mile, flatish for about a mile, kinda steep incline on switchbacks for .25 mile. Yes, yes: any human will have sweat and heavier breathing ensue, but not that much. It was the weirdest mix of emotions I have had so far with this health journey - I was glad that I hiked, but terribly shamed that I couldn't do it before.
My Dad tried to cheer me up by telling me to "rejoice in the fact that I saw a significant improvement in my cardiovascular function." Thanks Dad.
You always see the healthy side of life.
Several other friends are like "great job" and "you did it" and that is rad, but I still have this horrible feeling that I should have been able to do it in the first place.
I guess I had a reality check: I was really, really, really, really unfit. Really.
I don't think I ever realized exactly how unfit I was.

Wow, there's a dose of mortality for you. Rather, for me.

Well, enough of that. Next weekend looks like a hike up to the Hollywood sign. Hopefully I will remember to bring my camera for once.

A new me....

Last Friday I climbed to the top of Vernal Falls in Yosemite. I also made the commitment to never go back to my old life. Ever. More details to come

Does time heal all things?

It has been many months since I have had enough emotional energy to actually post something. It is hard to write about your feelings when you think that no one is reading. Then again, it is hard to write when you know people are reading.

A season is over. I am no longer getting paid by a church to be a minister. Now I just get paid by God. That may be a better deal - for divinty to be keeping track instead of humanity.

He takes out more taxes though. :)

I am looking forward to a season of research and writing.
Filmmaking is in the future.

Yes, things are a changin'

Reading

Usually when one reads a book, one reserves recommendation until one has finished reading. THIS one is reading Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver.
Even if one reads only the first third- one would learn many things that one could, and perhaps should, incorporate into daily living.
Long live the written word and its power to inflame one's heart and mind.

Slaves...

They are slaves who fear to speak
For the fallen and the weak;
They are slaves who will not choose
Hatred, scoffing, and abuse,
Rather than in silence shrink
From the truth they needs must think;
They are slaves who dare not be
In the right with two or three.

James Russell Lowell


what do you fear to be right about? what do you fear to voice out?
what are you a slave to?

Friends are good for lots of things!

One of those things is teaching you how to spell. I have been recently informed:
the correct spelling is JE NE SAIS QUOI
now Katters can be enjoyed in the purest version of herself.

Dat mayd no cence.

So many events, so little time...

So I have been like totally busy! (think cooky teenage valley girl accent)
This quarter has proved to be one of the most challenging in terms of time managment. I have realized that if I let myself, I can survive with little social contact. I am not sure if that means that I am on my way to hermit-dom, or if that means that I am so busy that the only unbusiness I have is being alone. Hmmm. Probably the latter.

I have learned some great things over my time away:
a short list ensues:
A priest with a funny voice can ruin a good funeral mass.
Living with boys is very easy, but they smell and don't understand what organic garbage is.
There is a bigger difference between 26 and 27 then one may think.
It is hard to be patient. (umm, duh, but really - I am really learning this!)
I like to read.
Lauren Hill rocks
The song I'll Be by Edwin McCain is a good song to have at a wedding. (it is also a good "they're playing our song" song)
I cannot stop being a hopeless romantic, no matter hard I try. Piss!
I love having best friends that are men, they don't try to date me.
I hate having best friends that are men, they don't try to date me.

Many Moons...

A lunar eclipse happened last night. this was great. It prompted me to get off my tush and write something. Unfortunately, I am at work, so not right now.

this is funny - i am not really sure why - but it is
I personally think this looks like me and my friend Eric
hanging out together. NO - really.

Limping = Freedom

I have had a little light at the end of the tunnel come on and blind me: I am struggling.
This is not, however, a bad thing.
I am learning, deeply and truly, what it is to be in true tension: Jacob wrestling with the angel was an imperative to his relationship with God. Without a broken hip, he would have no reminder - no prophetic demonstration - of the reality of God's presence in his life. So too with me - as my hip is torn from its socket I rejoice in the visible affect and effect it produces in my walk - may my limp spurn others to sprint.
What an honor to be dis-abled by the power and presence of the Lord.
What once I saw as a handicap given to Jacob, I see as a grace.
The Lord had the grace to dis-able Jacob so that he would be unable to fight Him. How can you punch a man if you have no hands? How can you kick a man when you have no legs?
And how can you fight God when you have no will?
Jacobs limp hip, his mangled pride, was a gift from God - he would never have to deal with the torment of his own unfaithfulness again.
Please don't talk to me if you have never had a mangled hip. I just won't trust you.


On that note, a story of grace:

Studying. "Reading the Bible from the Margins"
"I've heard all this before
It is so redundent -
move along."

A voice whispers, "Michelle"
"Hmmm?"
"A year ago you knew none of what you read here"
"ummmm, duh"
"Rejoice in your redundancy, Michelle."
"Why?"
"Because it means you learned something."
"Hmmm."

Rejoice in your redunancy. Rejoice in your mangled hip.