I know it is true.

Last year at my bday, girlfriend Paige read aloud to the my party this poem. It was her gift to me, about me. Later that year, Chris bought the book form of it for me.
Today, I own it. I believe it. I embrace that this poem really is about me.
I am no longer worried about what others think - am I self-absorbed? Am I full of the pride of life?
Oh, I think not. I think those are labels that are put on women, all people actually, who know themselves. Jealousy and envy force the insecure to maul and misconstrue the securities in others.
When I am weak, oh Lord, I am strong. You have made me strong. You have made me the phenomenal women I am. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me - I have the mind of Christ. I am not a puppet on God's string, God is not my Professor Higgins.
I am a promise, I am a work of art, I am a symphony - I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am wholly other from my creator, yet everything I am is defined by my creator.

And you are too. Read and believe, my sisters. Read and believe.


Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.

I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees.

I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.

I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.

I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.

so much loss

Friends - it is the end of an era. Rosa Parks, age 92, passed away at her home in Detroit last night.


I am learning a new level of sorrow over that last couple weeks. So many people have died that have influenced my life. Some helped build my environment from afar - they helped build the color of life - baseball, civil rights, hope, some goodness in the world. Others helped build my heart - worship, friendship, pain and struggle.

Heart hurts.

With Sorrow

Bill King, announcer for the Oakland Athletics, died yesterday.
His voice will forever ring in my ears as a thread to my youth, my family, my culture.
Rest in Peace Bill - and up in heaven -
Play ball.

Be still my heart...

be still my heart
sit down my soul
come over and rest
perhaps be made whole

be not afraid
of this journey ahead
yes, the road rocky
fight on, instead

look to the mountain
for a help, for a touch
aware that your fearing
it's all too much

you will be ripped open
oh soul, you will cry
oh broken spirit
you'll wish you could die

you will wish for an end
to the torture and pain
you will weep for forgiveness
you'll feel crushed, insane -

even lonely and tired
and lost in the dark
own it and be it
don't shy from the mark

of a scar on your being
of the slice of the knife
that cuts out the tumors
invading your life

be still my heart
be brave my soul
embrace all of you
and in time -

be made whole

On Bruce Sutter...

On the greatness of relief pitcher Bruce Sutter - the man who had over 40 saves in 1984 and won the NL Rolaids Relief Award in 1979, 1981, 1982 and 1984 - Hank Greenwald (SF Giants broadcaster) replied:

"Three more saves and he ties John the Baptist."

Don't ever tell me there isn't theology in Baseball.

Blast Open My Heart

Oh shucks. It's that special time again. Spiritual angioplasty.

Until an awesome time with MommaGod on Saturday morning I:
- Took too much responsibility for other peoples feelings.
- "Protected" people from pain, ultimately because I want to be protected from pain.
- Had not given myself permission to date. If I don't date, I won't hurt my single women friends. They won't be sad or lonely or jealous. Sorry girls - it's on - I'm dating whether you like it or not.

Speaking of permission: I give myself permission to be me all the time and actually do what I want to do and feel what I need to feel.
I give myself permission to not be who I was before Saturday morning.

Amen, MommaGod, Amen

Have to Verify

So I turned on this thing that makes you word verify your comments because I keep getting all these stupid spam comments! FIE!!!! Sorry for the inconvenience, not sorry for the getting rid of spam

Headshots! Yeah!

I got the link to the headshots that Cory Anderson took for me. WARNING! WARNING! Some of these are pretty bad, as headshots usually consist of snapping, snapping, snapping as you are talking, talking, talking. Tell me your favorites!!!!!! I need to pick one to print out to use for about 9 months. I am expecting comments here folks! Linkage:
http://www.candersonphotography.com/HeadShots/markwart/

Rachel influences yet again

got this link from www.b109.com (rachel) she always finds the cool stuff -
http://www.bostonmagazine.com/music

Just for Rachel...

Rachel - these pictures are per your request - I love you!!!!
The BatLeaf! nananananananana nananananananana - BAATLEEEEEF, BAATLEEEEEF, BAATLEEF!

41 Grove St. Boston MA on Beacon Hill. My parents first place ever. Hmmmm, I love it.


What?????? The pond is closed??????
Sad for frog!!!!

Barely Survived

Loiusa May Allcot dolls at her place in Concord, MA. Wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to hang around like this with your buddies? I guess you can if you like rock climbing!

It's true - I almost died on Friday night of exhaustion and embarrassment. Firstly, I was grumpy because half the sound equipment decided to not work during the concert, and secondly, I totally screwed up and stopped my dancer-friend Amber from finishing her dance because I hit the stop button too soon. I suck, Amber forgave me, but I still kinda feel stupid.
oh well- just another lesson in undeserved grace.
My work schedule changed dramatically this quarter and I now work 4 days a week, which is annoying but necessary. Gotta pay off those bills!
Went to a joint birthday party for my friends Jeff and Adam - HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEN!!! - last Saturday. Had a fabulous time for more than one reason ;)
I am looking forward to getting my headshots back next week and picking out a good one. Also looking forward to another trip to Disneyland soon.

God makes the weirdest things.

New School year

Welcome week is just about over and tonight is the big kick-off "party" for the school. I get to work a 12 hour day today! Wahoo! Maybe this will help pay off my vacation!
I think this quarter is going to be really good for my soul. As Sarah Groves sings, "it's been a hard year, but I'm pulling out of the rubble."
Mom and Dad are buying me headshots for my birthday - I am getting them done by my friend and pro photographer Cory Anderson. I'll get his website info up on a link later.
Sooooo - Sunday night at 5:30 pm - what is known as "the magic hour" in film - when the light is perfect, right before sunset, is my appt. SO EXCITED!
Anyway, lots of cool bros and sis's to be had this year, and lots of new life sprouting in between the cracks. (lots of music references today - hmmmm)
I promise more photos soon. As soon as I figure out what rachel meant in her comment to me!

On another note, the reading of the Harry Potter is going well. I have 8 more chapters in book 5 "The Order of the Phoenix" left, which means I would have achieved my goal of reading 1-5 in the month before school starts. I look forward to the November (?) release of movie 4, especially because I want to see what they include and cut out for the sake of time.
I saw a great bumper sticker: Republicans for Voldemort.

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Okeedokee - here I am! back from the FABULOUSO trip to the east coast (check it out NOW! at www.tinkandarielgoeast.blogspot.com) and I am ready for the updatage on life. When last we met our heroine, she was deeply distressed over the lifestyle continuation on her vacation! She was rueing her decision to go east, merely because of the fear of failing to keep up with her weight loss journey!
Well, she is back, and after the dreaded vacation, after 3 pieces of carrot cake (at least), after 2 Cinnanon muffins, yes, even after FULL FAT ICE CREAM (gasp!!!)- she has returned triumphant in her call!

I LOST 5.2 POUNDS ON VACATION!!!!!! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


MY new weight as of last night? 193.2. I have NEVER weighed this in my adult life. NEVER. My freshman year of high school I was 210. by my senior year I was 250. At age 21 I was up to 280, lost 80 pounds and hung out between 200-210 for about 6 months. I think I weighed 195 for about a week - but never less than that.
Here I am at age 28, with both the will and the Way to walk in health and I weigh less now than in high school. This is really important to me.

total pounds lost so far: 79.2!

pics from vay-kay:
This is my Mommy's brother, Uncle Tom, my Aunt Barb, and Cous Kris (one of three - Cous Joe is in Mesa, AZ and Cous Jeff is at college) I guess I like the "stand-there-and-smile-like-a-goofball" pose, since I made everyone do it. Sorry, fam.

If only my love was 39 pounds

Last Saturday my friend Justin and I went to the world premiere of new independent film 39 Pounds of Love. PLEASE check it out. Cute, funny, moving and beautifully made. You gotta see it.

Check it out at:

http://39poundsoflove.com/main.html

Good Music

This is my friend Brad. Brad makes good music. You should give a listen.
Link below and to the right.

http://www.underthethreshold.com/musicaudio.htm

On a completely different topic...

Just bought a new digital camera and am going to attempt to "picturcord" my upcoming road trip to the East Coast with my wonderful friend, Jenn (AKA Jennwith2ns, Ariel, Turtle, or - my personal favorite - Hot Momma). Here is Jenn ( I love this pic of her - she is so cute! Her eyes match her shirt PERFECT!) and an example of the first attempts at packing. I figure I will TRY to pack for 5 days worth even though the trip is 18 days. I am chalking it up to backpacking/triathalon preparation - where less is best. Who wants to carry 75lbs when you could carry 50lbs instead? If I wanted to carry an extra 75 lbs - I would never have joined WW!!!

interesting

Here is me today at work, and with my friend/coworker Jim. I have a lot of friends named Jim. Weird. WOW- I look almost as tired as I feel (up at 4:45am today for swim train - did I tell you I am in training for a triathalon!?)

This is about 9 months after my journey began. I weigh 198.
At my first weigh in, I was at 272.4. That was December 30th, 2004 - but I just say I started January 1st, 2005. This wasn't a new year's resolution, it's just that Jan 1 is an easy day to remember. I am the girl who didn't remember her anniversary with her last long-term boyfriend. Probably one of the reasons we broke up ;).

Visit with Gram

So, this is my Gram and my mom and myself. I think I weigh about 235, down 3osome lbs. I can't remember exactly when she came to visit- April 20something. I leave on August 27th, 2005 to see her (Gram) in PA - I will be about 40 lbs lighter than last time I saw her. That'll be neat. I still don't really see that much of a difference, but that is why my WW leader wanted me to make a progress board!
That's not all true. I see it in my face. I would like to see it in my butt more though- why can't my body shrink too????!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?

Journey of a hundred pounds?

One more just to prove that I wasn't kidding. Me and my parents out to breakfast with my friend Justin (who is taking the pic).

it would be funny if it weren't so true

oh my...is it true? Yes, friends, it is: Me at Tre's birthday last year. That was 5/29/04. I weight about 275 here. The pic below is with a buddy of mine, James.

This was 7 months before my Journey began.