Women should be tough, tender, laugh as much as possible and live long lives. The struggle for equality continues unabaded, and the woman warrior who is armed with wit and courage will be among the first to celebrate victory.
Maya Angelou
Sunday, July 30
Wednesday, July 19
Melancholy
I have not written in a while. I have been emotional busy and whenever I get emotional busy I don't write a lot. It's like a ball game, really. When I am at the ball game I care about all the details - when I'm not I just want to know the final score.
So I am imposing that feeling upon all of you. It has been extra innings in Michelle land and so I am waiting to give you the final score.
In the meantime.... Some thoughts I have been munching on:
- The A's played their first errorless game in six games last night, but just got 2 back-2-back errors in the bottom of the 7th of the game I', listening to right now. Oh well, I guess that could preach. You think that you are on an errorless streak and then you error back-2-back. It's just part of the game; it is inevitable.
- Matt 15. Wow.
- The whole temple/body/body of Christ theme. Romans 9:4; 1 Cor. 3:16/17, 8:10, 9:13; 2 Cor. 6:16; Eph. 2:21. Seems Paul had something he wanted to say about that. Trying to get the big picture and figure out what that means for us.
- Is not being physically healthy a sin? That is bold... and it means that I have got junk to work out. This is really scary because I think part of my calling has to do with teaching Christians the theology/bibliology of physical health. Uh-oh.
- God is amazing and I don't trust God as much as I would like to think I do. I am totally getting all these little tests left and right to put my previous posts' thoughts in action. I love it: Excited to death/scared to death about some things that I will mention later.
In a melancholy mood today; blood sugar has been low for like a week and I can't seem to get it up... strange.
So I am imposing that feeling upon all of you. It has been extra innings in Michelle land and so I am waiting to give you the final score.
In the meantime.... Some thoughts I have been munching on:
- The A's played their first errorless game in six games last night, but just got 2 back-2-back errors in the bottom of the 7th of the game I', listening to right now. Oh well, I guess that could preach. You think that you are on an errorless streak and then you error back-2-back. It's just part of the game; it is inevitable.
- Matt 15. Wow.
- The whole temple/body/body of Christ theme. Romans 9:4; 1 Cor. 3:16/17, 8:10, 9:13; 2 Cor. 6:16; Eph. 2:21. Seems Paul had something he wanted to say about that. Trying to get the big picture and figure out what that means for us.
- Is not being physically healthy a sin? That is bold... and it means that I have got junk to work out. This is really scary because I think part of my calling has to do with teaching Christians the theology/bibliology of physical health. Uh-oh.
- God is amazing and I don't trust God as much as I would like to think I do. I am totally getting all these little tests left and right to put my previous posts' thoughts in action. I love it: Excited to death/scared to death about some things that I will mention later.
In a melancholy mood today; blood sugar has been low for like a week and I can't seem to get it up... strange.
Monday, July 3
Sovereign or not? Make up your mind...
Assumptions I operate under
1. God is really big
2. God knows everything
3. God is in control
I think most X's would agree - even if you are an open theist - you would agree that God is the being who is at least in control of being in control, and just chooses to let Godself be moved by God's love for us.
That being said, I think I have pinpointed a sadness, a grief if you will, that I have been feeling in regards to my family in God.
I am grieved that we say that we think God is in control and then speak/act as though God is not.
You are probably thinking, "thank you captain obvious."
Let me explain, no, let me sum up (didya catch that?):
The general grip/worry/lament of X is that the world is going to hell in a handbasket. We are worried by sex/violence/cussing in film, sad tales from the news, porn in romance novels and the internet, racism, classism, lack of social justice, etc. These are all things that are not necessarily such good things. I see that we have something to be sad about.
BUT what I am thinking is that our regrets and complaints are distracting us from remembering that God is sovereign. (If your theology allows for God to not be sovereign, then I guess you are off the hook on this on, and that is cool too.)
If we believe God to be in control, knowing all things, then why do we as a religion/faith get so bent out of shape about all these crappy things happening as though God needs our help stopping it?
I mean, all the junk that is around is all the same junk that was around through all of history - judgment/sex/violence/abuse/"isms". It only feels worse perhaps because we are in the middle of it. Or maybe TV and the information age allows us to be way more aware of all the stuff that happens - whatever - the point is that there is nothing new under the sun - including sin.
SOOO - if God was able to be a redemptive force all those many years ago, why isn't God able to be a redemptive agent even now?
This idea is tough because it will cause us to rethink how we view our roles in the work of God. If this is so, we are no longer allowed to be nay-sayers but are now required to be light and salt and the physical manifestation of the hand of God's reconciliation wherever we go - even if it gets us killed (hmmmmm.... sound familiar?)
To reframe how we see God's presence and ability in the world, we are suddenly much more responsible to, well, respond.
I almost feel like my complaining is a moot point. Shit happens. How you deal with it is more important than trying to prevent it. (Although I can't pull myself away from the call to try my best to not be the cause of that shit, mind you. There is still something to be said about living a life of holiness. Does saying shit make me unholy? It's not like the word "crap" or "stuff" wouldn't have meant the same thing in my heart.... ok, ok, I'll stop on that for now)
Anyway, trying to prevent sin can only go so far... we take the action that we can with all the grace that we can. BUT, when the sin happens, or is happening, that is when I need to chill and deal with the situation in the most "I believe God is in control" way possible.
For example: Hollywood makes rated R movies. Deal. It is not going to stop anytime soon. If the option of complaining about it/rejecting it is taken out of the picture, what next?
Perhaps seeing that Hollywood is doing us a favor?
Hollywood is actually exposing a lot of the things that are the realities of everyday life for many people. We as X's now have an opportunity to engage the people of the world that are pre-believing with an understanding of the questions, concerns, fears, angers, emotions, etc. that they are experiencing.
Awesome! God, once again, in God's sovereignty, is using what was intended (perhaps?) as evil for good! God is being God's glorious, wonderful, graceful, redemptive, reconciling self - and working everything for good for those who love God and are called according to God's purpose.... God is using Hollywood to be the prophet so we can be the healers and ministers and join people in the response to the sin that is exposed.
I really want to reexamine how I view God. I say God is sovereign, now I want to start living like that more intentionally. Who wants to join me?
Here are some verses that are helping me refocus. If it feels like to you that I am proof texting, I am sorry. All I can say is that these verses/passages are working on me right now as little mantras of hope....
Romans 8: 9-12:
You, however, are not controlled by the sinful nature but are in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you. Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation--but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it.
Romans 8:26-28
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.
Psalm 86: 7-11
In the day of my trouble I call on you, for you will answer me.
There is none like you among the gods, O Lord, nor are there any works like yours.
All the nations you have made shall come and bow down before you, O Lord, and shall glorify your name.
For you are great and do wondrous things; you alone are God.
Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart to revere your name.
All of Job 38-41 (perhaps take a gander at Job's response)
Jeremiah 23:23-24
"Am I a God near by," says the Lord, "and not a God far off? Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?" says the Lord. "Do I not fill heaven and earth?" says the Lord.
Ok, I guess that is enough for now.... there are so many other stories and such that I wish to share! (I love the Word of God!)
Seriously though, who wants to take this challenge with me?
1. God is really big
2. God knows everything
3. God is in control
I think most X's would agree - even if you are an open theist - you would agree that God is the being who is at least in control of being in control, and just chooses to let Godself be moved by God's love for us.
That being said, I think I have pinpointed a sadness, a grief if you will, that I have been feeling in regards to my family in God.
I am grieved that we say that we think God is in control and then speak/act as though God is not.
You are probably thinking, "thank you captain obvious."
Let me explain, no, let me sum up (didya catch that?):
The general grip/worry/lament of X is that the world is going to hell in a handbasket. We are worried by sex/violence/cussing in film, sad tales from the news, porn in romance novels and the internet, racism, classism, lack of social justice, etc. These are all things that are not necessarily such good things. I see that we have something to be sad about.
BUT what I am thinking is that our regrets and complaints are distracting us from remembering that God is sovereign. (If your theology allows for God to not be sovereign, then I guess you are off the hook on this on, and that is cool too.)
If we believe God to be in control, knowing all things, then why do we as a religion/faith get so bent out of shape about all these crappy things happening as though God needs our help stopping it?
I mean, all the junk that is around is all the same junk that was around through all of history - judgment/sex/violence/abuse/"isms". It only feels worse perhaps because we are in the middle of it. Or maybe TV and the information age allows us to be way more aware of all the stuff that happens - whatever - the point is that there is nothing new under the sun - including sin.
SOOO - if God was able to be a redemptive force all those many years ago, why isn't God able to be a redemptive agent even now?
This idea is tough because it will cause us to rethink how we view our roles in the work of God. If this is so, we are no longer allowed to be nay-sayers but are now required to be light and salt and the physical manifestation of the hand of God's reconciliation wherever we go - even if it gets us killed (hmmmmm.... sound familiar?)
To reframe how we see God's presence and ability in the world, we are suddenly much more responsible to, well, respond.
I almost feel like my complaining is a moot point. Shit happens. How you deal with it is more important than trying to prevent it. (Although I can't pull myself away from the call to try my best to not be the cause of that shit, mind you. There is still something to be said about living a life of holiness. Does saying shit make me unholy? It's not like the word "crap" or "stuff" wouldn't have meant the same thing in my heart.... ok, ok, I'll stop on that for now)
Anyway, trying to prevent sin can only go so far... we take the action that we can with all the grace that we can. BUT, when the sin happens, or is happening, that is when I need to chill and deal with the situation in the most "I believe God is in control" way possible.
For example: Hollywood makes rated R movies. Deal. It is not going to stop anytime soon. If the option of complaining about it/rejecting it is taken out of the picture, what next?
Perhaps seeing that Hollywood is doing us a favor?
Hollywood is actually exposing a lot of the things that are the realities of everyday life for many people. We as X's now have an opportunity to engage the people of the world that are pre-believing with an understanding of the questions, concerns, fears, angers, emotions, etc. that they are experiencing.
Awesome! God, once again, in God's sovereignty, is using what was intended (perhaps?) as evil for good! God is being God's glorious, wonderful, graceful, redemptive, reconciling self - and working everything for good for those who love God and are called according to God's purpose.... God is using Hollywood to be the prophet so we can be the healers and ministers and join people in the response to the sin that is exposed.
I really want to reexamine how I view God. I say God is sovereign, now I want to start living like that more intentionally. Who wants to join me?
Here are some verses that are helping me refocus. If it feels like to you that I am proof texting, I am sorry. All I can say is that these verses/passages are working on me right now as little mantras of hope....
Romans 8: 9-12:
You, however, are not controlled by the sinful nature but are in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you. Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation--but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it.
Romans 8:26-28
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.
Psalm 86: 7-11
In the day of my trouble I call on you, for you will answer me.
There is none like you among the gods, O Lord, nor are there any works like yours.
All the nations you have made shall come and bow down before you, O Lord, and shall glorify your name.
For you are great and do wondrous things; you alone are God.
Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart to revere your name.
All of Job 38-41 (perhaps take a gander at Job's response)
Jeremiah 23:23-24
"Am I a God near by," says the Lord, "and not a God far off? Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?" says the Lord. "Do I not fill heaven and earth?" says the Lord.
Ok, I guess that is enough for now.... there are so many other stories and such that I wish to share! (I love the Word of God!)
Seriously though, who wants to take this challenge with me?
attempting to actually work this thing.
I am freaking trying to get this pic as my profile pic and it won't let me and that BUGS!!!!!
I think I want a real live web site so that I can put on there whatever I want! I am tired of this blogger thing not letting me do what I want!
Fie!
On a side note, it's pretty funny-odd that the expression on my face in this pic shows the exact opposite than what I am feeling right now. Again, Fie!
I think I want a real live web site so that I can put on there whatever I want! I am tired of this blogger thing not letting me do what I want!
Fie!
On a side note, it's pretty funny-odd that the expression on my face in this pic shows the exact opposite than what I am feeling right now. Again, Fie!
Sunday, July 2
God is moving!
This week has been tiring and amazing. God has been moving! What I really like is that God showed me God's hand of omnipresence this week. God was at Camp in FL and Wild Oats in CA. God was in a sermon in South Branden and a coffee date in Pasadena.
I really like that God is everywhere doing wonderful things all the time. What I don't like is how I miss it so often because I am busy being self-focused on what is going on in my little life in my little city in my little mind!
I was so blessed yesterday by the Mister telling me his stories from camp.... God touched kids, reconciled relationships and brought the realization the we just plain need community. I was so overwhelmed I couldn't even respond.... and you know me... I can ALWAYS respond!
God is also doing a bunch of stuff at WO - two new managers, hearts that are breaking, questions galore, real-life ministry.
I know that I am doing ministry right here, right now. All my seminary education is right here, right now. Wow. It really is paying off. Well, kinda. Paying off in the spiritual sense, not so much in the financial sense.
I am so excited to see more of the movement; highly anticipating more of the Holy Spirit. I want to be a part of this movement for sure - I miss it, I miss the HS, I miss the reality of the impossible.
I love God. More Lord, More Lord, More Lord. Amen.
I really like that God is everywhere doing wonderful things all the time. What I don't like is how I miss it so often because I am busy being self-focused on what is going on in my little life in my little city in my little mind!
I was so blessed yesterday by the Mister telling me his stories from camp.... God touched kids, reconciled relationships and brought the realization the we just plain need community. I was so overwhelmed I couldn't even respond.... and you know me... I can ALWAYS respond!
God is also doing a bunch of stuff at WO - two new managers, hearts that are breaking, questions galore, real-life ministry.
I know that I am doing ministry right here, right now. All my seminary education is right here, right now. Wow. It really is paying off. Well, kinda. Paying off in the spiritual sense, not so much in the financial sense.
I am so excited to see more of the movement; highly anticipating more of the Holy Spirit. I want to be a part of this movement for sure - I miss it, I miss the HS, I miss the reality of the impossible.
I love God. More Lord, More Lord, More Lord. Amen.
Friday, June 30
Charmed again
He has verbally expressed he isn't so hot on text messaging.
Usually only short responses; I always text first.
Texted me this morning.
Unprompted.
*sigh*
Usually only short responses; I always text first.
Texted me this morning.
Unprompted.
*sigh*
Tuesday, June 27
I love culture?
I found this book:
Pomosexuals: Challenging Assumptions About Gender and Sexuality ed. by Carol Quenn and Lawrence Schimel
The book was obviously kindly and carefully written to those of the lesbian/gay lifestyle who are seeking to understand their sexuality in relation to other lesbian/gay people. I am an outsider. I feel like I stumbled upon some beautifully dangerous Portrait-of-Dorian-Grey-esqe opium pit. (I am Dorian Grey btw.) I am shocked and a bit embarrassed by my reaction to picking up this book.
The most wonderfully surprising thing about this book is the strange commradery that I feel with the different writers. This quote, hopefully, we example that to you:
"There are derogatory words, like queer and slut and whore and the notorious N-word, that some people want to reclaim, even wear as a badge of honor, a Purple Heart for survivors of intolerance. There are words like Christian or lesbian, that carry a different value judgement depending on who is speaking and who is listening. And there are words like sex and power and anger and pride, words that carry mixed judgements in themselves almost regardless of who says or hears them."
Mostly the book is about loaded language. I suppose you could read Telford Work or someone more "Christiany" (not that Telford Work is X-y, just that he is way more intellectual about it and therefore more boring) and get the same gist, but perhaps stepping really, really far out of our comfort zones will make this soup spicier. And hey! It's about sex! You all know how much I am fascinated by the way we (especially X's!) view sex!
Love that the title is Pomosexuals. Totally took postmodernism to another level. It made me think of Barry and Craig's Matrix of Meanings book. We are truly post-sexual.
Not much more to say about that... maybe more as the book unfolds.
Pomosexuals: Challenging Assumptions About Gender and Sexuality ed. by Carol Quenn and Lawrence Schimel
The book was obviously kindly and carefully written to those of the lesbian/gay lifestyle who are seeking to understand their sexuality in relation to other lesbian/gay people. I am an outsider. I feel like I stumbled upon some beautifully dangerous Portrait-of-Dorian-Grey-esqe opium pit. (I am Dorian Grey btw.) I am shocked and a bit embarrassed by my reaction to picking up this book.
The most wonderfully surprising thing about this book is the strange commradery that I feel with the different writers. This quote, hopefully, we example that to you:
"There are derogatory words, like queer and slut and whore and the notorious N-word, that some people want to reclaim, even wear as a badge of honor, a Purple Heart for survivors of intolerance. There are words like Christian or lesbian, that carry a different value judgement depending on who is speaking and who is listening. And there are words like sex and power and anger and pride, words that carry mixed judgements in themselves almost regardless of who says or hears them."
Mostly the book is about loaded language. I suppose you could read Telford Work or someone more "Christiany" (not that Telford Work is X-y, just that he is way more intellectual about it and therefore more boring) and get the same gist, but perhaps stepping really, really far out of our comfort zones will make this soup spicier. And hey! It's about sex! You all know how much I am fascinated by the way we (especially X's!) view sex!
Love that the title is Pomosexuals. Totally took postmodernism to another level. It made me think of Barry and Craig's Matrix of Meanings book. We are truly post-sexual.
Not much more to say about that... maybe more as the book unfolds.
Friday, June 23
Uh-oh...
Last night and the night before I had the distinct pleasure of conversing with an extrememly intelligent (and might I say handsome) young man on the various impacts the current United States theology makes on both local and global churches.
Words that nary have graced some ears, such as "hermanutic" and "theological sophistication" were copiously used.
As we pondered the solutions to such matters as the problem of upper-middle-class disconnect with the reality of the Old Testament prophetic speeches on financial justice and the issue of localized ethics being more necessary than general "Christian Ethics" (note: as said young man put it: "What has happened when a pastor finds himself repenting to his congregation for an affair? Which small choices led to that?" to which I responded, in agreement, "It's the little foxes that spoil the vine.") I was charmed to the core. Even though our topics grim, my heart smiled and my face showed it. I know because I immediately headed to Community Group! after the conversation, where it was quickly and loudly announced that I was "glowing."
I insisted it was the sticky summer sweat, but inside I knew I had been caught.
Then it hit me, like a ton of bricks: I am totalty enamored by men who can talk practical theology and politics and philosophy and interpretation and church history and, well, all things intelligencia.
To charm me, just mention Pinnock with a whisper or contextual ministry with a smile.
Discuss the meaning of life as a person of powerlessness in a traditionalist society.
Talk dirty politics to me.
Dang.
That means I am dork.
Words that nary have graced some ears, such as "hermanutic" and "theological sophistication" were copiously used.
As we pondered the solutions to such matters as the problem of upper-middle-class disconnect with the reality of the Old Testament prophetic speeches on financial justice and the issue of localized ethics being more necessary than general "Christian Ethics" (note: as said young man put it: "What has happened when a pastor finds himself repenting to his congregation for an affair? Which small choices led to that?" to which I responded, in agreement, "It's the little foxes that spoil the vine.") I was charmed to the core. Even though our topics grim, my heart smiled and my face showed it. I know because I immediately headed to Community Group! after the conversation, where it was quickly and loudly announced that I was "glowing."
I insisted it was the sticky summer sweat, but inside I knew I had been caught.
Then it hit me, like a ton of bricks: I am totalty enamored by men who can talk practical theology and politics and philosophy and interpretation and church history and, well, all things intelligencia.
To charm me, just mention Pinnock with a whisper or contextual ministry with a smile.
Discuss the meaning of life as a person of powerlessness in a traditionalist society.
Talk dirty politics to me.
Dang.
That means I am dork.
Wednesday, June 21
Saturday, June 17
Oh my gosh......
Ok - exactly 5 hours long.....
the bases are loaded with two outs and Crosby is up...
come on come on.....
WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!
Crowd on thier feet Crosby is hitting 253
ball two!!!!
*biting my nails!!!!!****
ball three!!!!!!
if he walks him then the A's WIN!!!!!
how anti-climactic!
3-1 (grrrr)
YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
Ball FOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE OAKLAND A'S HAVE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS THE NINTH GAME IN A ROW!!!!!!!!!!
FINAL SCORE: 5-4
YESYESYESYESYESYESYES
btw.... Mark Lovers - kiss my toe baby!
the bases are loaded with two outs and Crosby is up...
come on come on.....
WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!
Crowd on thier feet Crosby is hitting 253
ball two!!!!
*biting my nails!!!!!****
ball three!!!!!!
if he walks him then the A's WIN!!!!!
how anti-climactic!
3-1 (grrrr)
YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
Ball FOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE OAKLAND A'S HAVE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS THE NINTH GAME IN A ROW!!!!!!!!!!
FINAL SCORE: 5-4
YESYESYESYESYESYESYES
btw.... Mark Lovers - kiss my toe baby!
wow
It is 10:50pm on Saturday PM and the Dodgers and A's are in bottom of the 17th inning - score is 4-4. Yup, that is what I said - the SEVENTEENTH!!!!!!! INNING!!!!!!! The last time the Dodgers went 16 innings was like four years ago, but I can't remember against who. The last time the A's went 16 was.... I dunno. Five hour game so far friends. They must be really tired. I am tired just watching it for goodness sake!
The longest game in history was 8 hours and 6 minutes and was freaking 25 innings long! I believe it was in '84, and I believe it was Chicago White Sox and Milwakee Brewers with Chicago taking it 7-6. Look it up on www.MLB.com to check me. I also see to recall that the most innings played was 26, but the game was still less than 8h6m - and I think that was like in 1920 in Boston or something. Again...check me on that.
I think we should win.
And by the way, "we" means the A's.
The longest game in history was 8 hours and 6 minutes and was freaking 25 innings long! I believe it was in '84, and I believe it was Chicago White Sox and Milwakee Brewers with Chicago taking it 7-6. Look it up on www.MLB.com to check me. I also see to recall that the most innings played was 26, but the game was still less than 8h6m - and I think that was like in 1920 in Boston or something. Again...check me on that.
I think we should win.
And by the way, "we" means the A's.
Friday, June 16
I did it with help
Here is Jenn and I right after the graduation ceremony. I am not sure what we are so happy about. Maybe the fact that I will no longer annoy her with boring drivel about classes and irritations about having to study. Or maybe we just love each other.
Jenn is at GA ( it's a Presby thing that I don't really understand.)
I really, really miss her. She is very important to me.
Actually...I am missing a lot of people lately. My Family, Sara and BeeGee and Uriah, Jenn, Paul.... today is kind of a sad day... but I will certainly get over it.
I like that about myself. I get over things pretty quickly. Paul had a good word for this the other day: Resilient. I am gonna own that description. It feels good to be able to say I am resilient.
Just give me the space to feel my stuff and then I am A-OK. I really do think that generally this is a good quality... sometimes people hold stuff in forever and never feel it out - I have learned that this reaction isn't so good.
I would rather feel it and then be free to release it then hold on to it and have it run me over like a truck later.
SOOOO - this morning I am missing people and my heart hurts. BUT - I am resilient, durable and flexible.
"I like it! That's my new philosophy!" (Sally Brown - Charlie's sister)
Jenn is at GA ( it's a Presby thing that I don't really understand.)
I really, really miss her. She is very important to me.
Actually...I am missing a lot of people lately. My Family, Sara and BeeGee and Uriah, Jenn, Paul.... today is kind of a sad day... but I will certainly get over it.
I like that about myself. I get over things pretty quickly. Paul had a good word for this the other day: Resilient. I am gonna own that description. It feels good to be able to say I am resilient.
Just give me the space to feel my stuff and then I am A-OK. I really do think that generally this is a good quality... sometimes people hold stuff in forever and never feel it out - I have learned that this reaction isn't so good.
I would rather feel it and then be free to release it then hold on to it and have it run me over like a truck later.
SOOOO - this morning I am missing people and my heart hurts. BUT - I am resilient, durable and flexible.
"I like it! That's my new philosophy!" (Sally Brown - Charlie's sister)
Wednesday, June 14
On being twitterpayted....
I graduated last Saturday and I now work at Wild Oats and love it - but I don't really want to talk about that right now. Right now, I wanna talk about love (the romantic kind - not the happy Jesus kind - although I do take issue with separating the two... but that is for another day).
So, here are some questions.... based on recent conversations with the women-folk and the interesting "love life" issues that have popped up for us in the past six months... I am curious to all your responses.
1. If you like someone but then they don't like you, should you stick in there or should you bail?
2. For how long should you pine/when should you bail?
which leads to:
2. Is unrequited love from God?
3. Should you get back with ex's? Pros and Cons?
4. Should we as Christians try to take romantic relationships into our own hands?
meaning:
5. How much imput do we/should we have in our own love lives?
6. Why is it so damn scary to fall in love?
7. What happens when you fall in love and you are too scared to act on it?
which brings up:
8. How much work and pain and risk is too much work and pain and risk?
All of these things have been swimming about in my gray matter for awhile. Mostly because of a great couple-friend of mine who worked their ASSES off to be in relationship and are now getting married - I am so touched by their story.
Also, because another little missy sister has been in love with this guy for like 2 years and he is not so much and she can't pull away.... she is not a crazy woman!!! She is sane and sure and beautiful and spirit-led... but this love for this man has her ravished.
AND, I have been on my own saga (drama!?) of romance over the past 8 months or so and I am not sure how to proceed because I am full of wonderment and excitment and fear and joy and trepidation all at once.
Internal monologue alert!!! Internal monologue alert!!
I feel like this love thing is much harder than I thought it should be. At first I thought that it was hard because I had not "found the right person." But ya know what? As of late, EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP that I have spoken with friends about, heard about, been in, tried out, learned about - has been HARD.
DAMN! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN EASY RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!
But, hey, ya know what else? Every one of those relationships that I know have been super-hard have come out on the other side being super-amazing. Maybe it has to do with our age... we are too experienced and life educated to happ-hazzardly "fall" in love anymore. We know too much. We have hurt and been hurt too often. We have been stupid ass idiot heads far too many times.... Simply put... I know better than to "fall" in love.
Oh no, my friends... we no longer "fall" in love:
We walk, heads held somewhat high -
tied to the arm of God -
bound up in our issues, fears, assumptions, fantasies and hopes -
as Shadrach/Meshach/Abednego -
into the raging seven-times-hotter fire -
and we burn
and trust
and fear
and trust
and cry
and trust
and fear some more.
We penetrate, totally aware of the heat that flickers at our toes
into - oh my goodness/help me Jesus - love.
Yet somewhere deep down we know
even though terrified by it,
even though hating it,
even though called "stupidfoolishcrazy - walk yourself/your lover/together like that in a fire on purpose?"
That when we come out, we will stand free of all which bound us.
We will not reek of smoke.
We will not die in what should have killed us.
We will stand tall, completely aware of our foolish faith.
And those around us will see the extra figure in the fire.... and our stories will testify... our stories will encourage... our stories will be those that make up a diary of the best kind of love story there is:
the intentional, unconditional, broken, beaten, resurrected, fought for, valuable love story that is most closely akin
to the love story that is us and God.
.................
I guess I answered my own questions.
Bring it on.
So, here are some questions.... based on recent conversations with the women-folk and the interesting "love life" issues that have popped up for us in the past six months... I am curious to all your responses.
1. If you like someone but then they don't like you, should you stick in there or should you bail?
2. For how long should you pine/when should you bail?
which leads to:
2. Is unrequited love from God?
3. Should you get back with ex's? Pros and Cons?
4. Should we as Christians try to take romantic relationships into our own hands?
meaning:
5. How much imput do we/should we have in our own love lives?
6. Why is it so damn scary to fall in love?
7. What happens when you fall in love and you are too scared to act on it?
which brings up:
8. How much work and pain and risk is too much work and pain and risk?
All of these things have been swimming about in my gray matter for awhile. Mostly because of a great couple-friend of mine who worked their ASSES off to be in relationship and are now getting married - I am so touched by their story.
Also, because another little missy sister has been in love with this guy for like 2 years and he is not so much and she can't pull away.... she is not a crazy woman!!! She is sane and sure and beautiful and spirit-led... but this love for this man has her ravished.
AND, I have been on my own saga (drama!?) of romance over the past 8 months or so and I am not sure how to proceed because I am full of wonderment and excitment and fear and joy and trepidation all at once.
Internal monologue alert!!! Internal monologue alert!!
I feel like this love thing is much harder than I thought it should be. At first I thought that it was hard because I had not "found the right person." But ya know what? As of late, EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP that I have spoken with friends about, heard about, been in, tried out, learned about - has been HARD.
DAMN! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN EASY RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!
But, hey, ya know what else? Every one of those relationships that I know have been super-hard have come out on the other side being super-amazing. Maybe it has to do with our age... we are too experienced and life educated to happ-hazzardly "fall" in love anymore. We know too much. We have hurt and been hurt too often. We have been stupid ass idiot heads far too many times.... Simply put... I know better than to "fall" in love.
Oh no, my friends... we no longer "fall" in love:
We walk, heads held somewhat high -
tied to the arm of God -
bound up in our issues, fears, assumptions, fantasies and hopes -
as Shadrach/Meshach/Abednego -
into the raging seven-times-hotter fire -
and we burn
and trust
and fear
and trust
and cry
and trust
and fear some more.
We penetrate, totally aware of the heat that flickers at our toes
into - oh my goodness/help me Jesus - love.
Yet somewhere deep down we know
even though terrified by it,
even though hating it,
even though called "stupidfoolishcrazy - walk yourself/your lover/together like that in a fire on purpose?"
That when we come out, we will stand free of all which bound us.
We will not reek of smoke.
We will not die in what should have killed us.
We will stand tall, completely aware of our foolish faith.
And those around us will see the extra figure in the fire.... and our stories will testify... our stories will encourage... our stories will be those that make up a diary of the best kind of love story there is:
the intentional, unconditional, broken, beaten, resurrected, fought for, valuable love story that is most closely akin
to the love story that is us and God.
.................
I guess I answered my own questions.
Bring it on.
Monday, June 5
For Rachel...
Rach is irritated with me about not talking about dates:
The best story up until now is this:
I went on a fabulous date to San Diego. I think it was the best first-date experience I have ever had. The man made PLANS for goodness sake! We went to a baseball game (OH YEAH!!!!) and went to Seaport(?) Village and Coronado and La Jolla and his place to cook together (another OH YEAH!!!!!).
The best part was when I cut the very tippy tip of my finger off. And passed out in his living room.
Classic.
Lucklily, he is a doctor. Interstingly, he is not THAT kind of doctor, but he did really well acting like one. And damn if dessert wasn't awesome.
The best story up until now is this:
I went on a fabulous date to San Diego. I think it was the best first-date experience I have ever had. The man made PLANS for goodness sake! We went to a baseball game (OH YEAH!!!!) and went to Seaport(?) Village and Coronado and La Jolla and his place to cook together (another OH YEAH!!!!!).
The best part was when I cut the very tippy tip of my finger off. And passed out in his living room.
Classic.
Lucklily, he is a doctor. Interstingly, he is not THAT kind of doctor, but he did really well acting like one. And damn if dessert wasn't awesome.
At Sara and Uriah and LUCY'S!! AHHHH
So, the realization that I am really going to be an auntie is hitting me pretty hard. This, on top of the whole graduation thing, has catapulted me into the "ah-ha" of the next stage of life. Sara's baby shower came quickly on the heals of the Master's Project finishing. She is big and round and beautiful. Her shower was exquisite- there was so much wonderful gourmet food and drink (only one veggie option, but that helped with the calorie counting!) and her mom made a cute cake that looked like a hot air balloon with a little baby in it.
The baby's name is Lucy. I am happy because that is the name I voted for. The choice was between Lucy and Emma. Don't get me wrong, I really love the name Emma, but so does everyone else lately, so, of course, I couldn't be like everyone else, and so I voted for Lucy. Wahoo! I won!
I think I should get a prize. Like a T-shirt that says "I picked my neice's name and you didn't. Ha." Maybe that is too rude. I dunno.
I am writing this from their computer - we are off to Napa today to buy some good Pine Ridge Charmstone (you can only get it here) - one of the best varital reds I have ever had for the price (only like 30 bucks!) We just got back from doing a favorite AM activity of mine: walking to a local coffee house, sitting and reading and people watching and talking. Embracing the day... and boy oh boy...Phillipians is doing a number on me.
Yesterday was SHOPPING (duh! I'm with Sara!) and church at my old co-pastors.... that was interesting. I love them so much... I also realized how much I love CHURCH! too and that we are all part of this worldwide faith in Christ. (WARNING: THEOLOGY TALK APPROACHING!!!)
So here we are - in this SUPER fired-up, loud, amazingly excellent music service. We are singing and laughing and some are dancing and kneeling and shouting. I'm thinking, "wow. I miss this." But then I remember my church in Pasadena and I start to cry. I am thinking,"wow. I miss them."
I did not feel removed, I felt apart, but attached. I think I may have actually felt what Paul felt when he told the church in Phillipi "I thank my God everytime I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now."
I was loving the arms of God that held me during that Emeryville service - yet I was missing the feet of God that walk with me in Pasadena.
The beauty was in the connection I felt to the worldwide church. I knew that I was grafted to this huge, cross-cultural, cross-boundaried, diverse, expansive, timeless thing called the kingdom of God. I had, in the truest sense of the word, a catholic moment.
More on that later I suppose....
I am still ruminating.... still marinating....
The baby's name is Lucy. I am happy because that is the name I voted for. The choice was between Lucy and Emma. Don't get me wrong, I really love the name Emma, but so does everyone else lately, so, of course, I couldn't be like everyone else, and so I voted for Lucy. Wahoo! I won!
I think I should get a prize. Like a T-shirt that says "I picked my neice's name and you didn't. Ha." Maybe that is too rude. I dunno.
I am writing this from their computer - we are off to Napa today to buy some good Pine Ridge Charmstone (you can only get it here) - one of the best varital reds I have ever had for the price (only like 30 bucks!) We just got back from doing a favorite AM activity of mine: walking to a local coffee house, sitting and reading and people watching and talking. Embracing the day... and boy oh boy...Phillipians is doing a number on me.
Yesterday was SHOPPING (duh! I'm with Sara!) and church at my old co-pastors.... that was interesting. I love them so much... I also realized how much I love CHURCH! too and that we are all part of this worldwide faith in Christ. (WARNING: THEOLOGY TALK APPROACHING!!!)
So here we are - in this SUPER fired-up, loud, amazingly excellent music service. We are singing and laughing and some are dancing and kneeling and shouting. I'm thinking, "wow. I miss this." But then I remember my church in Pasadena and I start to cry. I am thinking,"wow. I miss them."
I did not feel removed, I felt apart, but attached. I think I may have actually felt what Paul felt when he told the church in Phillipi "I thank my God everytime I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now."
I was loving the arms of God that held me during that Emeryville service - yet I was missing the feet of God that walk with me in Pasadena.
The beauty was in the connection I felt to the worldwide church. I knew that I was grafted to this huge, cross-cultural, cross-boundaried, diverse, expansive, timeless thing called the kingdom of God. I had, in the truest sense of the word, a catholic moment.
More on that later I suppose....
I am still ruminating.... still marinating....
Wednesday, May 24
Finally an update!
So, I have been a little gone for the past couple weeks. The intriguing thing is that I have felt very present to myself everyday. This is good - as it has been a little tumultuous in that department over the last couple years. "Where am I?" is what I have often found myself wondering...
So, here, I am... and since my last post I have been to 5 parties, 2 hikes, 6 runs, 23 trips to Peet's, 1 trip to the mall, cleaned my room and significantly re-destroyed it 4 times, worked over 40 hours, conducted 7 rehearsals, picked up my regalia for baccalaureate/graduation, and sent off most of my program notes for my master's project to the productionist. Oh yeah, and I caught a cold which I am currently nursing. (I think there was a date or two in there as well ;) )
I am surprisingly not exhausted though! Nice!
SOOO, exciting news! I am going to watch the Padre's play in Petco Park this Saturday! My first time there and one more ballpark to check off the list! Groovy! The NL West is pretty competitive right now, so even though San Diego is on the bottom of the list, any game can turn the tides! I love it when we are in that part of the season when every game counts. My A's are in that space right now (well, kinda) with Texas and the Angels... we are always fiddling around our position. The summer months are always fun for ball because it is far enough into the season when most games mean something but you still have a little while before you have to relinquish your hope. In June/July/August we all still have a chance.... I mean at this time last year the Astros were like 15 games back... and they made it all the way! I mean, really, The Astros began the year with a list of problems! Lance Berkman was out for like a month following offseason knee surgery. Jeff Bagwell struggled through a painful first month before deciding it was time to go on the disabled list. AND nearly one-third of the roster was hit with everything from the flu to pneumonia to upper respiratory infections!!!! BUT BUT BUT - the Astros recovered from their abysmal start to go 74-43 the rest of the year -- a .632 winning percentage over four months! Mind you, the White Sox took it 4-0 in the series... but that is a great story too since they hadn't won a World Series Championship since 1917! And... Interestingly enough... the White Sox won their last eight games of the playoffs, tying the all-time record for consecutive wins in a single postseason with the Boston Red Sox in 2004. The Pale Hose were 11-1 overall in the postseason (3-0 in DS; 4-1 in LCS; 4-0 in WS). Since the beginning of Division play and the LCS in 1969, Chicago is one of seven teams to go through a postseason with one or fewer losses.
Just to show you, check this out:
Year Team Record Loss
1976 Cincinnati 7-0 None
1999 New York (AL) 11-1 ALCS Game 3
2005 CHICAGO (AL) 11-1 ALCS Game 1
1989 Oakland 8-1 ALCS Game 3
1969 New York (NL) 7-1 WS Game 1
1970 Baltimore 7-1 WS Game 4
1984 Detroit 7-1 WS Game 2
And yes, I wanted to point out that my babies were on that list, thank you very much. It was the Battle of the Bay series and the earthquake happened. I saw it on TV - it was the pregame hullabaloo - I think I wound up under the kitchen table though.
ANYWAY - I graduate in - count 'em - 17 days. That is less than 3 weeks... less than a month... all the work I have for school will be done June 2nd, when my Master's Project goes up. That is in a week and 2 days. Holy Cabooses.
The master's project is coming along - I am doing this crazy thing where we use theatre to talk about sex. SO - theatre, God, Christianity, sex. Yeah, the biggies. It'll be great.
Going to Sara's baby shower on the 3rd and I start my new part time job at Wild Oats next week sometime! WOW! Looks like I might get some new voice students too!
Well.... hopefully I won't be so long in the chatter next time...... off to work ATC!
So, here, I am... and since my last post I have been to 5 parties, 2 hikes, 6 runs, 23 trips to Peet's, 1 trip to the mall, cleaned my room and significantly re-destroyed it 4 times, worked over 40 hours, conducted 7 rehearsals, picked up my regalia for baccalaureate/graduation, and sent off most of my program notes for my master's project to the productionist. Oh yeah, and I caught a cold which I am currently nursing. (I think there was a date or two in there as well ;) )
I am surprisingly not exhausted though! Nice!
SOOO, exciting news! I am going to watch the Padre's play in Petco Park this Saturday! My first time there and one more ballpark to check off the list! Groovy! The NL West is pretty competitive right now, so even though San Diego is on the bottom of the list, any game can turn the tides! I love it when we are in that part of the season when every game counts. My A's are in that space right now (well, kinda) with Texas and the Angels... we are always fiddling around our position. The summer months are always fun for ball because it is far enough into the season when most games mean something but you still have a little while before you have to relinquish your hope. In June/July/August we all still have a chance.... I mean at this time last year the Astros were like 15 games back... and they made it all the way! I mean, really, The Astros began the year with a list of problems! Lance Berkman was out for like a month following offseason knee surgery. Jeff Bagwell struggled through a painful first month before deciding it was time to go on the disabled list. AND nearly one-third of the roster was hit with everything from the flu to pneumonia to upper respiratory infections!!!! BUT BUT BUT - the Astros recovered from their abysmal start to go 74-43 the rest of the year -- a .632 winning percentage over four months! Mind you, the White Sox took it 4-0 in the series... but that is a great story too since they hadn't won a World Series Championship since 1917! And... Interestingly enough... the White Sox won their last eight games of the playoffs, tying the all-time record for consecutive wins in a single postseason with the Boston Red Sox in 2004. The Pale Hose were 11-1 overall in the postseason (3-0 in DS; 4-1 in LCS; 4-0 in WS). Since the beginning of Division play and the LCS in 1969, Chicago is one of seven teams to go through a postseason with one or fewer losses.
Just to show you, check this out:
Year Team Record Loss
1976 Cincinnati 7-0 None
1999 New York (AL) 11-1 ALCS Game 3
2005 CHICAGO (AL) 11-1 ALCS Game 1
1989 Oakland 8-1 ALCS Game 3
1969 New York (NL) 7-1 WS Game 1
1970 Baltimore 7-1 WS Game 4
1984 Detroit 7-1 WS Game 2
And yes, I wanted to point out that my babies were on that list, thank you very much. It was the Battle of the Bay series and the earthquake happened. I saw it on TV - it was the pregame hullabaloo - I think I wound up under the kitchen table though.
ANYWAY - I graduate in - count 'em - 17 days. That is less than 3 weeks... less than a month... all the work I have for school will be done June 2nd, when my Master's Project goes up. That is in a week and 2 days. Holy Cabooses.
The master's project is coming along - I am doing this crazy thing where we use theatre to talk about sex. SO - theatre, God, Christianity, sex. Yeah, the biggies. It'll be great.
Going to Sara's baby shower on the 3rd and I start my new part time job at Wild Oats next week sometime! WOW! Looks like I might get some new voice students too!
Well.... hopefully I won't be so long in the chatter next time...... off to work ATC!
Monday, May 8
Discovery is fun
Last night I went to my friend Feminary's birthday party. Her husband told her she is now "old + 1" which I thought was funny, but untrue. This woman is NOT old - she is graced. I got to look at a ton of great pics and a really creative timeline that she had made up for herself and learn more about her.
I went away from the party with a beautiful new understanding of who she is and the journey that has formed her. I was so touched by her large and varied circle of friends and so moved by her willingness to share so much of herself.
Just goes to show you - you will never know the treasures that lie inside of your friends until you take the time to find out.
I feel a treasure hunt coming on...
I went away from the party with a beautiful new understanding of who she is and the journey that has formed her. I was so touched by her large and varied circle of friends and so moved by her willingness to share so much of herself.
Just goes to show you - you will never know the treasures that lie inside of your friends until you take the time to find out.
I feel a treasure hunt coming on...
Friday, May 5
I love my team.... I love baseball
I had the fortune to see my team - the A's - play two days in a row! YES!!!!
if you click on this pick it will take you to MORE pics of my boyfriends in Oakland. And yes, I am robbing the cradle.
Oh yeah...we won both games. And I sat next to Eric Chavez' parents. Cool.
if you click on this pick it will take you to MORE pics of my boyfriends in Oakland. And yes, I am robbing the cradle.
Oh yeah...we won both games. And I sat next to Eric Chavez' parents. Cool.
VIVA LA RAZA!!!!!
Hola!
¡Feliz Cinco de Mayo! ¡Celebre con sabor! ¡Celebre nuestros hermanos y a hermanas en México! ¡Ore para su seguridad y su éxito!
Deseo que mi español mas fuera y exacto, pero neccesito hacer el mejor con lo que usted tiene.
Right?
¡Feliz Cinco de Mayo! ¡Celebre con sabor! ¡Celebre nuestros hermanos y a hermanas en México! ¡Ore para su seguridad y su éxito!
Deseo que mi español mas fuera y exacto, pero neccesito hacer el mejor con lo que usted tiene.
Right?
Monday, May 1
MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
HAPPY HAPPY MAY DAY!!!!!!
If we were in England, I wouldn't be blogging on work time because we would have the day off and then we could have a picnic and go to the pub for ale at night.
MAN! I wanna live in England today!
If we were in England, I wouldn't be blogging on work time because we would have the day off and then we could have a picnic and go to the pub for ale at night.
MAN! I wanna live in England today!
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