Great minds think alike...

So I realized that my blog was the same template as my friends, it was just a different color. then I thought that was a little weird so I decided to change it up a little bit. It is strange to realize that you have things in common with people that you never thought you would have anything in common with.

Today katters and I jinxed like five times. Great minds thinking alike.

Grampa died a couple weeks ago. I cried today.
Then I ran into an older lady friend whose mom had died at the end of the last year. She had cried today too.
Great minds mourning alike.

I spoke long and lovingly with a girl I had previously thought rude.
She thought the same thing about me.
we laughed as we told each other, we rolled on the floor as we discovered how much we had in common.
She is a worship leader, student, single, techie, a little bit pudgy, strong and beautiful.
great minds....

It leads me to pray:

I thank you Lord
for giving me the gift
of being wrong
and for the gift
of failing
and judging
For in all of those poisons
I am chiseled by your grace
and formed into the woman
who is not as wrong
does not
fail
judge
as much
and who loves like you do
Amen.

O what the world would be...

She rises with the dawn...

I have officially decided that I like the early morning.
Now if I can go to bed on time so I can actually get up in the early morning...

THAT IS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT QUESTION

Wandering...

I went wandering around campus today looking for nothing in particular. I found myself stopping and chatting with a number of people, some old friends, some new, some not really friends but aquintances on the waiting list.
It was nice.
Speaking of friends - I read ones' blog today. As little salt ponds formed in the dark circles of my tired eyes, I realized, for the hundreth time, that she is most amazing. She has this certain ju nes chez qua about her.
She doesn't talk too much - I admire that. She cries when she falls down, but better than that - she cries when you fall down.
Often times I feel like I am not good enough to be her friend - there must be something I am missing, some action undone or word unspoken that lingers as a big fat "duh" to everybody except me. I wish I knew how to serve her better. I really really wish I knew.

by the way - I am quite aware that I cannot spell ju nes chez qua but don't count that against her description.

On another note:
class started today and that is another good change! I am not sure how I will handle the new lack-of-social-life schedule that awaits the next ten weeks: but there is some sort of prophetic spirit about this quarter.
i sit foretelling and forthtelling my soul that difficulty brings strength of faith and character - that obligations to work make play so much more, well, playful! This quarter will be a lesson in play.
I take for granted my play, now I will learn to cherish it.
I expect to have fun and have ease, now I will learn to be grateful for both.
So, for the next ten weeks: I am working 30 hours a week, classing 12 hours a week, studying 15 hours a week and churching 3 hours a week (aside from work).
i think as long as i keep fixed on Jesus, everything will be just fine. I am not busy: I am learning how to be in the real world: I am learning to schedule and be disciplined. Again.
Didn't we do this last year Lord? And the year before? and before?
Ahhhhh, long live the divine molding hands of my Lord and my God, Jesus Christ.

Moving On

Ok so today is better and i love God and music again and I am moving into a new place.
Newness is good.
I love change.
That is so weird, isn't it?
most people aren't so fond of it, but it's cool with me.

Last night I saw the killer opposum that WoodrowWilson describes in his blog. uuugugggg.
Yeah, God probably didn't want that guy on the ark. gross

Today does not deserve a title. It sucked. I think I hate my job. I say "I think" because I am not sure if I really hate my job or I just hate me at my job. I feel like I never want to do anything ever again except run around doing things that I feel like doing. I want to be independently wealthy and only volunteer at all the cool places that I have always wanted to volunteer but have neither the time nor financial stability to do so.
Perhaps I will move to Europe and live out of a backpack for a year and eat bread and wine and cry a lot.
Perhaps not.

I saw no one that I actually like today. It is not that I dislike anybody at my job, it is just that I am indifferent - or I think they are stupid.
Except one girl. She's cool, but she thinks I am weird because I am from California. I am too different from her.

I used to love music and I used to love God.
I am not sure about either.
Tommorrow will be better, I am sure, and tommorrow I will love both music and God. But not today and not right now.

I already feel guilty for saying that. Piss.

The interesting thing about feelings

I have recently discovered that missing people is tricky. I have a friend whom I left to be on vacation. When I was on vacation and my friend was home, the friend missed me very much and I was ok.
Now I am home and friend is on vacation. I miss friend very, very much.

It's different when you are the one at home.
I like being the vacationer better. Missing is hard.