I wish I was here. But it's like 1 degree.
Thursday, November 30
Back to Business
We are home in LA from a tortuous driving extravaganza to NorCal and back. I think out of 96 hours "on vacation" we spent 30 of it in the car. Boo.
BUT it was well worth it, since I got to see the Mumsy and Puppsy and the Brotherly Brother... I also had the privilege of meeting my "niece" Lucy. She is so cute. And looks like and elf. So my nickname for her is Elfie. Interesting that this coincides with my new obsession with the story of "Wicked" - the story behind the witches of Oz. I read the book last month, and will see the musical here in LA in April.
Anyway, the main character is the Wicked Witch of the West - Elphaba. Her nickname? Elphie.
Now, before you think I am a terrible aunt for naming Lucy after such insufferable people, you should check out Wicked. No more spoilers out of me! HAHA!
I think the girls and I had a wonderful time and we will soon be on to more obnoxiously grandious things as decorating tips for chapels and food selection at the ATC Christmas snack party.
It is back to business pronto and I need to get back on my goal of writing everyday. :P
BUT it was well worth it, since I got to see the Mumsy and Puppsy and the Brotherly Brother... I also had the privilege of meeting my "niece" Lucy. She is so cute. And looks like and elf. So my nickname for her is Elfie. Interesting that this coincides with my new obsession with the story of "Wicked" - the story behind the witches of Oz. I read the book last month, and will see the musical here in LA in April.
Anyway, the main character is the Wicked Witch of the West - Elphaba. Her nickname? Elphie.
Now, before you think I am a terrible aunt for naming Lucy after such insufferable people, you should check out Wicked. No more spoilers out of me! HAHA!
I think the girls and I had a wonderful time and we will soon be on to more obnoxiously grandious things as decorating tips for chapels and food selection at the ATC Christmas snack party.
It is back to business pronto and I need to get back on my goal of writing everyday. :P
Wednesday, November 22
RAD!
Jenn, Anny, Sara, Krissy and Michelle will all be in the same place at the same time.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
In almost a "dream come true" event, Jenn and Anny are able to sit in the car with me for 10 hours (cuz that is how long its going to take with traffic) to go up north to see the fam and meet the other bridespeeps.
Mom and Dad are rad - they are getting us a room to share. Personally, I think this is my mothers way of not having 6 people share one bathroom Thanksgiving morning.
That is what I like about my mom though. She would rather have convience than overcrowding. And hey - it benefits everybody! Especially my back, which will spend copius amounts of time in the hot tub.
It will also give us ladies time to chill and pray and hang and think, something devestatingly difficult to do when trying to get work and school and wedding and life taken care of.
So to all, happy Thanksgiving. Too bad the whole pilgram/indiginous people story is a sham of US history - but at least it created an event on which to ponder our extreme wealth and blessedness.
As P-Dog would say: Yay-men!
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
In almost a "dream come true" event, Jenn and Anny are able to sit in the car with me for 10 hours (cuz that is how long its going to take with traffic) to go up north to see the fam and meet the other bridespeeps.
Mom and Dad are rad - they are getting us a room to share. Personally, I think this is my mothers way of not having 6 people share one bathroom Thanksgiving morning.
That is what I like about my mom though. She would rather have convience than overcrowding. And hey - it benefits everybody! Especially my back, which will spend copius amounts of time in the hot tub.
It will also give us ladies time to chill and pray and hang and think, something devestatingly difficult to do when trying to get work and school and wedding and life taken care of.
So to all, happy Thanksgiving. Too bad the whole pilgram/indiginous people story is a sham of US history - but at least it created an event on which to ponder our extreme wealth and blessedness.
As P-Dog would say: Yay-men!
Monday, November 20
Profound
My mom has this t-shirt by the "Life is Good" brand.
Upon which seeing it my brother replied, "Man. I'm just glad I have a glass."
What a perfect thing to say this Thanksgiving Season. May we all be so grateful.
Thursday, November 16
nothing to say
In order to write a book you have to write everyday even if you have nothing to say. This is a sobering prospect to me because I view myself as lazy. Let me tell you, being engaged to
Mr. Turns-out-something-phenomenal-just-for-fun
doesn't make it any easier.
I know, I know, it's not a competition. BUT, I can't help but feel a little under-acheiver-ish when every night the man has some rant on theology and politics and history and whatever. Most nights, I want to watch TV. I guess I could rant about the shameful story lines. The content I have little problem. It's the poor quality of the writing that concerns me. No wonder our children speak poorly. They gets da gramma' fro' the telley!
Still, everyday writing is a discipline I suppose.
Whether for good or ill, spontaneous writing is like jazz for me.
It only sounds good if I know what key to play in; the theme on which to muse.
sigh.
I'm gonna go watch TV.
Mr. Turns-out-something-phenomenal-just-for-fun
doesn't make it any easier.
I know, I know, it's not a competition. BUT, I can't help but feel a little under-acheiver-ish when every night the man has some rant on theology and politics and history and whatever. Most nights, I want to watch TV. I guess I could rant about the shameful story lines. The content I have little problem. It's the poor quality of the writing that concerns me. No wonder our children speak poorly. They gets da gramma' fro' the telley!
Still, everyday writing is a discipline I suppose.
Whether for good or ill, spontaneous writing is like jazz for me.
It only sounds good if I know what key to play in; the theme on which to muse.
sigh.
I'm gonna go watch TV.
Tuesday, November 14
ARGH!
I am so sad. The A's are going to sell out for a bigger, "better" field in freaking Fremont. I mean really people. Fremont?! Holy Crap! That is like bringing an NFL team to Pasadena! Or Hayward! Or Arcadia!
What the hell is this about anyway? I think I know. And it's all Al Davis' fault with his big-ass monster wall ugly as sin football whatever stands Colossium addition. Who the hell wanted the Raiders back anyway?! (At least I don't have to look at them in LA though).
I HATE AL DAVIS AND I HATE THE RAIDERS AND I HATE THEIR FANS AND I APPARENTLY LIKE THE WORD HATE RIGHT NOW. ARGH!!!!!!!
My humble prayer is that they don't rename the A's to the "Fremont A's". That would be a wuss name for sure.
My vote, since they are moving and I can't stop them, is the East Bay Athletics. At least that name has SOME dignity.
Man I'm pissed.
What the hell is this about anyway? I think I know. And it's all Al Davis' fault with his big-ass monster wall ugly as sin football whatever stands Colossium addition. Who the hell wanted the Raiders back anyway?! (At least I don't have to look at them in LA though).
I HATE AL DAVIS AND I HATE THE RAIDERS AND I HATE THEIR FANS AND I APPARENTLY LIKE THE WORD HATE RIGHT NOW. ARGH!!!!!!!
My humble prayer is that they don't rename the A's to the "Fremont A's". That would be a wuss name for sure.
My vote, since they are moving and I can't stop them, is the East Bay Athletics. At least that name has SOME dignity.
Man I'm pissed.
Monday, November 6
My Fiance is FIRED!
So the "You are so fired" quote of the day goes to P-Dog, who whilst determining our votes for tomorrow morning quipped, "It's too much work to vote."
SO FIRED!
Don't worry fans - I rudely commented on his, shall we say, nearsightedness, and then we bantered about my fabulous father or thinking out loud or pizza or something. I can't remember.
To defend the man, he was kidding (kind of), and we did finish up on our readings and sample ballot-ings (for your convenience!) and the decision was mutual to skip the whole judicial/attorney section because who the hell are these people anyway? (Like I can pick a judge with NO history or reference to how they rule!? Sorry - I have been influenced by Law & Order and I KNOW how the judge can make or break a case! So there!)
But the point is that perhaps the Mr. hit on what I was referring to in the post below.... we just don't care enough to vote.
It is difficult to care about something that feels that is has no impact. I am not going to lie to you: your vote doesn't do jack squat.
BUT you have to vote anyway because NOT voting is falling into the trap of forgetting that even as long as we have the illusion of voice we won't stop trying to use it.
Seriously - if they banned voting - no one would fight back except... ummmm... nut jobs! AND we already have enough of those in Alaska and Sonora County! AND - who wants to be known as a nut job?! (besides me of course).
All I am saying is that if we continue to have the ability to speak, if we have the wonderful opportunity to appear as though we are affecting the nation, if we have the nut job idea that we too can make a difference, then we MIGHT think we can do other impossible things too. Like sing the Star Spangled Banner at the World Series or build the next World's Largest Jelly Bean model of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon! That would be an especially great feat considering we don't even know what they looked like. See! Impossible things can happen! So you better vote because you never know.
SO FIRED!
Don't worry fans - I rudely commented on his, shall we say, nearsightedness, and then we bantered about my fabulous father or thinking out loud or pizza or something. I can't remember.
To defend the man, he was kidding (kind of), and we did finish up on our readings and sample ballot-ings (for your convenience!) and the decision was mutual to skip the whole judicial/attorney section because who the hell are these people anyway? (Like I can pick a judge with NO history or reference to how they rule!? Sorry - I have been influenced by Law & Order and I KNOW how the judge can make or break a case! So there!)
But the point is that perhaps the Mr. hit on what I was referring to in the post below.... we just don't care enough to vote.
It is difficult to care about something that feels that is has no impact. I am not going to lie to you: your vote doesn't do jack squat.
BUT you have to vote anyway because NOT voting is falling into the trap of forgetting that even as long as we have the illusion of voice we won't stop trying to use it.
Seriously - if they banned voting - no one would fight back except... ummmm... nut jobs! AND we already have enough of those in Alaska and Sonora County! AND - who wants to be known as a nut job?! (besides me of course).
All I am saying is that if we continue to have the ability to speak, if we have the wonderful opportunity to appear as though we are affecting the nation, if we have the nut job idea that we too can make a difference, then we MIGHT think we can do other impossible things too. Like sing the Star Spangled Banner at the World Series or build the next World's Largest Jelly Bean model of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon! That would be an especially great feat considering we don't even know what they looked like. See! Impossible things can happen! So you better vote because you never know.
Voting is a privilege not a right. Get out there tomorrow!
I was in 6th or 7th grade when I began competing in the Lion's Club Young Speech Writers contests. I was witty, poised and poignant. I was clear, concise and honest. Heck - I was memorized. But then the same thing happened to me that fears to happen tomorrow in our current political finaglings.
A Republican sweethearted his way into taking the lead with talk of God and Country.
Shit.
That first year the speech was to be on the topic Voting: A Right or a Privilege?
Of course, I went with the 12 year old perspective of "a privilege". Whatever that means to a 12 year old.
I told stories of Brazilian civil war culminating in 3 day waits for the poles.
I relived in sing-song soap box style the coming down of the Berlin Wall - the cheers of those who finally, finally, finally were able to have a much needed thunderous voice!
I reminded the white middle class 40 and 50 somethings of their opportunity - nay! - their DUTY to show up in the booth!
I made myself look like I should have been 18 that day because by golly I knew what I was talking about! Nancy Reagan move over and for goodness sake JUST SAY NO to civic disarray and earn your "I VOTED" sticker today!
Hazzah!
Then it happened.
Blond hair, blue eyes, dad the pastor of the community church just down the street, asshole in the hallway, rico-suave at the prom, waltzed his 16 year old one size too big blazer one size too small slacked body to the podium and announced:
"We vote because God gave us the right to vote"
With this statement, and probably the fact he was male, he stole my crown of speechwriting glory.
My stomach flipped over onto whatever its head would have been. Even in my very young, very inexperienced, very nerdy junior high soul I felt the disruption caused by mixing Church and State. Too bad I wasn't savvy enough to pinpoint the cause of my angst. But now... now I know.
This young self-proclaimed authority on the complete union of the Republican party and the Christian Church had reared its ugly head to shame any person unconvinced of Jesus' love affair with Reaganomics.
AHHHH!
I have now discovered my intrinsic motivations! I understand why I have this bad taste in mouth when it comes to the religious right claiming its politically right!
It's because I lost a speech contest to a jerk.
********************************************************************
Well, that was many years ago and here I sit finding it both sad and comical that the number one expendature of political funds is not on issue information... not on candidate biographies... not even on those fabulous mudslinging contests.
No, dear, dear people. The number one expendature is on mobilizing people to get off their asses and vote.
More money is spent on convincing people ACTUALLY TO vote rather than WHO TO vote for. I guess that is what happens when people forget that we are pretty darn lucky to have the opportunity to punch our little cards.
So - remember friends - God wants you to vote tomorrow morning. If you don't, the heathens of the left - or worse yet some God-forsaken Green-ey might come and emasculate the House and the Senate.
We couldn't have that now, could we?
A Republican sweethearted his way into taking the lead with talk of God and Country.
Shit.
That first year the speech was to be on the topic Voting: A Right or a Privilege?
Of course, I went with the 12 year old perspective of "a privilege". Whatever that means to a 12 year old.
I told stories of Brazilian civil war culminating in 3 day waits for the poles.
I relived in sing-song soap box style the coming down of the Berlin Wall - the cheers of those who finally, finally, finally were able to have a much needed thunderous voice!
I reminded the white middle class 40 and 50 somethings of their opportunity - nay! - their DUTY to show up in the booth!
I made myself look like I should have been 18 that day because by golly I knew what I was talking about! Nancy Reagan move over and for goodness sake JUST SAY NO to civic disarray and earn your "I VOTED" sticker today!
Hazzah!
Then it happened.
Blond hair, blue eyes, dad the pastor of the community church just down the street, asshole in the hallway, rico-suave at the prom, waltzed his 16 year old one size too big blazer one size too small slacked body to the podium and announced:
"We vote because God gave us the right to vote"
With this statement, and probably the fact he was male, he stole my crown of speechwriting glory.
My stomach flipped over onto whatever its head would have been. Even in my very young, very inexperienced, very nerdy junior high soul I felt the disruption caused by mixing Church and State. Too bad I wasn't savvy enough to pinpoint the cause of my angst. But now... now I know.
This young self-proclaimed authority on the complete union of the Republican party and the Christian Church had reared its ugly head to shame any person unconvinced of Jesus' love affair with Reaganomics.
AHHHH!
I have now discovered my intrinsic motivations! I understand why I have this bad taste in mouth when it comes to the religious right claiming its politically right!
It's because I lost a speech contest to a jerk.
********************************************************************
Well, that was many years ago and here I sit finding it both sad and comical that the number one expendature of political funds is not on issue information... not on candidate biographies... not even on those fabulous mudslinging contests.
No, dear, dear people. The number one expendature is on mobilizing people to get off their asses and vote.
More money is spent on convincing people ACTUALLY TO vote rather than WHO TO vote for. I guess that is what happens when people forget that we are pretty darn lucky to have the opportunity to punch our little cards.
So - remember friends - God wants you to vote tomorrow morning. If you don't, the heathens of the left - or worse yet some God-forsaken Green-ey might come and emasculate the House and the Senate.
We couldn't have that now, could we?
Friday, November 3
Harumph.
Ok, I have had several responses to the last blog post- this is wonderful.
However, in most of the responses, there seems to be a fear that I am desperately unhappy and that my life is in complete shambles. And the touching attempt to fix it.
I admit this is a fair muse, as I am rarely in touch with most people and when I post it is usually about something desperately unhappy or shamble-riffic.
SO!
With much chagrin, I respond here to the urge to put potential and current readers at ease.
1. Everything is always simultaneously fabulous and horrible. This is the nature of life. One of my many philosophies is, "Life is hard! I'm great!" (Note, this is one of the few NONSARCASTIC comments I make) This is not good or bad; it just is. I believe that I am not the only one to whom this reality belongs. I simply recognize it more, howyousay?, blatantly.
2. I have not ended, will not end, or even remotely entertain the idea of ending the amazing, wonderful, blissfully maddening, over-the-top, phenomenal love affair I have with P-Dog. Or writing blogposts.
3. I like to write stuff that makes people think about stuff they would rather not think about. Often times I use a slight-of-word trick to bring about introspection in others. I do this on purpose.
4. I have spent $60,000 and some change on a theological education. I am very aware of my embedded theology. I have been pastoring on and off for a while. And, I think I have earned a little bit of "life experience" credit too.
5. I loath pat answers about anything. That is why I write blogposts that challenge the pat answers that accost me on the street.
6. Per myriad requests, I promise I will genuinely reflect on writing a book. Really. I will not only pray about it, but I will continue to write and see what comes about. I will put some action behind the idea. (Now, pick yourselves up off the floor... it is true... I actually can DO something!)
Now, just to be clear, this post is not directed on any one person. I have had 23 personal emails regarding the "forgiveness sucks" post, and the above info is pretty much FYI. I am a bit proud of myself that one little post has produced such ado. It makes me feel smart. Thank you very much.
The hidden motive in this post: I am trying to condition you all to buy my book.
However, in most of the responses, there seems to be a fear that I am desperately unhappy and that my life is in complete shambles. And the touching attempt to fix it.
I admit this is a fair muse, as I am rarely in touch with most people and when I post it is usually about something desperately unhappy or shamble-riffic.
SO!
With much chagrin, I respond here to the urge to put potential and current readers at ease.
1. Everything is always simultaneously fabulous and horrible. This is the nature of life. One of my many philosophies is, "Life is hard! I'm great!" (Note, this is one of the few NONSARCASTIC comments I make) This is not good or bad; it just is. I believe that I am not the only one to whom this reality belongs. I simply recognize it more, howyousay?, blatantly.
2. I have not ended, will not end, or even remotely entertain the idea of ending the amazing, wonderful, blissfully maddening, over-the-top, phenomenal love affair I have with P-Dog. Or writing blogposts.
3. I like to write stuff that makes people think about stuff they would rather not think about. Often times I use a slight-of-word trick to bring about introspection in others. I do this on purpose.
4. I have spent $60,000 and some change on a theological education. I am very aware of my embedded theology. I have been pastoring on and off for a while. And, I think I have earned a little bit of "life experience" credit too.
5. I loath pat answers about anything. That is why I write blogposts that challenge the pat answers that accost me on the street.
6. Per myriad requests, I promise I will genuinely reflect on writing a book. Really. I will not only pray about it, but I will continue to write and see what comes about. I will put some action behind the idea. (Now, pick yourselves up off the floor... it is true... I actually can DO something!)
Now, just to be clear, this post is not directed on any one person. I have had 23 personal emails regarding the "forgiveness sucks" post, and the above info is pretty much FYI. I am a bit proud of myself that one little post has produced such ado. It makes me feel smart. Thank you very much.
The hidden motive in this post: I am trying to condition you all to buy my book.
Thursday, November 2
Giving forgiveness sucks.
I know I am not supposed to say that, being a follower of Christ and all. But ya know what - the act of forgiving - and I mean REAL forgiving - not the stuff that's passed off in our lifetimes as heroic suffering through relational pain - tangible forgiving - sucks.
I don't think any of us get what Jesus did when he forgave sins. I wonder if we secretly think that Jesus was hap-hazzardly throwing about pardons to those who he never knew in the first place. It's easy to pardon those who have never wounded you.
So, it gets me to thinking... what did all those people do to Jesus that made Jesus the only human at the time with the power to forgive? You can't have forgiveness without an offense. So, how did, say, the alabaster box lady offend Jesus? Seems to me she was pretty nice washing his feet and all - with her HAIR even!
And- what the heck did that robber on the cross ever do to Jesus? Whose to say they ever met before that whole crucifixion thing anyway?!
To top it off, our lives mixing up with Jesus' makes forgiveness seem so, well, punitive. I mean, the whole "financial debt excused" parable doesn't so much connect with my credit card culture. Truth be told, paying off my school loan is all done through money I never see... doesn't it kinda feel anti-climactic to read on a screen:
Payment posted. Thank you. Your confirmation number is...
Maybe Jesus has gone electronic too:
Your name is currently in the e-book of life.
We can now access your account quickly and easily.
Your account balance: $0.00
Payment method: MASTER-card
Wow.
Don't get me wrong... I am not theologically ignorant. I know that (supposedly) the offenses were all against God, and that God and Jesus are the same thing (if your theology allows that), and that Jesus was able to forgive cuz he was/is God, and so he was offended just as much as God. (Yes - I am bobbing my head back and forth and using a singsongy blah blah blah tone, thank you very much)
But really - what does it look like to offend God? AND - if God is really that offended and yet is so merciful and forgiving - doesn't that make God a sucker?
Cuz geez - I personally am pretty hurt and broken-up about someone offending me - even though it was one of those unintentional sins that Wesley spouts about - and I am not in the mood to forgive - even though I know I have to.
Before you jump on that statement - let me just say - I don't think I have to forgive because "that's what Jesus says". I think I HAVE to forgive because living here in unforgivenessland disagrees with both my digestion and my sanity.
I have to forgive because when I don't, I am miserable with nausea and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I guess it would be nice if piety had something to do with it - but today it doesn't.
It's the hardest damn thing I ever do and will continue to try to do. It is not fun to let someone off the hook when the hook is still wedged in between your own sternum and cardio-pulmonary muscle and you are spewing blood about the house. Oh yes... it's all fun and games until someone gets their eye poked out.
Yet - it MUST be done. There is no other option - especially for us Followers. For to NOT forgive is to somehow lighten the weight of the offense. It is to deny the reality of the feeling of heart-pain. I don't know about you, but when I am NOT forgiving, it really means that I AM ignoring. Ignoring is lying. Forgiving is truthing.
But the truth sets free. It hurts like hell, but it does set free.
Ouch.
I don't think any of us get what Jesus did when he forgave sins. I wonder if we secretly think that Jesus was hap-hazzardly throwing about pardons to those who he never knew in the first place. It's easy to pardon those who have never wounded you.
So, it gets me to thinking... what did all those people do to Jesus that made Jesus the only human at the time with the power to forgive? You can't have forgiveness without an offense. So, how did, say, the alabaster box lady offend Jesus? Seems to me she was pretty nice washing his feet and all - with her HAIR even!
And- what the heck did that robber on the cross ever do to Jesus? Whose to say they ever met before that whole crucifixion thing anyway?!
To top it off, our lives mixing up with Jesus' makes forgiveness seem so, well, punitive. I mean, the whole "financial debt excused" parable doesn't so much connect with my credit card culture. Truth be told, paying off my school loan is all done through money I never see... doesn't it kinda feel anti-climactic to read on a screen:
Payment posted. Thank you. Your confirmation number is...
Maybe Jesus has gone electronic too:
Your name is currently in the e-book of life.
We can now access your account quickly and easily.
Your account balance: $0.00
Payment method: MASTER-card
Wow.
Don't get me wrong... I am not theologically ignorant. I know that (supposedly) the offenses were all against God, and that God and Jesus are the same thing (if your theology allows that), and that Jesus was able to forgive cuz he was/is God, and so he was offended just as much as God. (Yes - I am bobbing my head back and forth and using a singsongy blah blah blah tone, thank you very much)
But really - what does it look like to offend God? AND - if God is really that offended and yet is so merciful and forgiving - doesn't that make God a sucker?
Cuz geez - I personally am pretty hurt and broken-up about someone offending me - even though it was one of those unintentional sins that Wesley spouts about - and I am not in the mood to forgive - even though I know I have to.
Before you jump on that statement - let me just say - I don't think I have to forgive because "that's what Jesus says". I think I HAVE to forgive because living here in unforgivenessland disagrees with both my digestion and my sanity.
I have to forgive because when I don't, I am miserable with nausea and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I guess it would be nice if piety had something to do with it - but today it doesn't.
It's the hardest damn thing I ever do and will continue to try to do. It is not fun to let someone off the hook when the hook is still wedged in between your own sternum and cardio-pulmonary muscle and you are spewing blood about the house. Oh yes... it's all fun and games until someone gets their eye poked out.
Yet - it MUST be done. There is no other option - especially for us Followers. For to NOT forgive is to somehow lighten the weight of the offense. It is to deny the reality of the feeling of heart-pain. I don't know about you, but when I am NOT forgiving, it really means that I AM ignoring. Ignoring is lying. Forgiving is truthing.
But the truth sets free. It hurts like hell, but it does set free.
Ouch.
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