I leave tommorrow for the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah. And, as usual, I have not packed yet or even thought about what I am going to see once I am there. All I know for sure is that it will be an amazing, intense experience, and that I will once again be reminded of how I could do whatever I want to.
This is an interesting dilemma to have: the joy of endless possibilities verses the overwhelming choice of where to go and what to do next.
All this in mind, I think this year I am going to let Sundance happen to me instead of me happening to Sundance like last year. I am going with the express desire to meet people and talk with them about theology and film - to find out what the heck they think about God and spirituality - and to love them with all I am no matter how crappy they are.
Grace in abundance for all!
Monday, January 23
Tuesday, January 17
Dialogue in love
Thanks for the comments on "Land of No". I am grateful that there is freedom to see past sadness, and there is an unusually bright victory in your mind and heart- you are blessed person. (I am a bit envious of your insight!)
Some thoughts:
While it is true that every "NO" has a "YES" somewhere in there, I am not sure it is the "YES" that is automatically infused with the grace of God. Let's face it: WE MAKE MISTAKES. And sometimes (dare I say often?) the mistakes are made out of a desire to do something right.
We say NO when we were supposed to say YES. Plain and simple. God wants us to do one thing, we do another. There is hope down one road, we go down another. These answers, however, are not as plain and simple to discern.
Another thought:
Grieving the loss of potentiality may not be our right. Often it is our own decisions that have brought us to a place of regret, and God's grace does not come without consequences. Any perusal of the Old Testament will bring the realization that the love of God is quite conditional, and since we can never fulfill the conditions, we need Jesus. We enjoy grace because God chooses to give it. To mistake grace for something haphazardly thrown onto our lives (God has to cause he said he would!?) is to forget the intention, deliberation and extreme necessity of the cross. If grace was cheap, Jesus would have stayed alive, the temple would be standing tall, and there would be a lot fewer lambs in the world.
Transformation is not an option, we get it no matter what - the question is what do we want to be transformed to? And how do we know that the "YES" that was shouted from the rooftops is going to change us into light and life? We very well may have dug our own graves.
Does this mean that redemption is impossible? Of course not! What it means is that redemption is VALUABLE and since it is, we must guard it and work out our salvation with fear and trembling.
I guess that is a good example: If I say "NO" to fear, then potentially I have said no to the reality of the terrifying transforming holiness of God.
Perhaps we just all need to say "yes" to going through subtlety. I read somewhere God works there. :)
Some thoughts:
While it is true that every "NO" has a "YES" somewhere in there, I am not sure it is the "YES" that is automatically infused with the grace of God. Let's face it: WE MAKE MISTAKES. And sometimes (dare I say often?) the mistakes are made out of a desire to do something right.
We say NO when we were supposed to say YES. Plain and simple. God wants us to do one thing, we do another. There is hope down one road, we go down another. These answers, however, are not as plain and simple to discern.
Another thought:
Grieving the loss of potentiality may not be our right. Often it is our own decisions that have brought us to a place of regret, and God's grace does not come without consequences. Any perusal of the Old Testament will bring the realization that the love of God is quite conditional, and since we can never fulfill the conditions, we need Jesus. We enjoy grace because God chooses to give it. To mistake grace for something haphazardly thrown onto our lives (God has to cause he said he would!?) is to forget the intention, deliberation and extreme necessity of the cross. If grace was cheap, Jesus would have stayed alive, the temple would be standing tall, and there would be a lot fewer lambs in the world.
Transformation is not an option, we get it no matter what - the question is what do we want to be transformed to? And how do we know that the "YES" that was shouted from the rooftops is going to change us into light and life? We very well may have dug our own graves.
Does this mean that redemption is impossible? Of course not! What it means is that redemption is VALUABLE and since it is, we must guard it and work out our salvation with fear and trembling.
I guess that is a good example: If I say "NO" to fear, then potentially I have said no to the reality of the terrifying transforming holiness of God.
Perhaps we just all need to say "yes" to going through subtlety. I read somewhere God works there. :)
Monday, January 16
The Land of No
Lately I have been venturing through the Land of No. Everywhere I turn there are people saying "NO", places being closed "NO", movies and TV shows teaching the value of "NO". People I love are telling me "NO".
At first I was lackadaisical about the whole thing - if people want to say "NO" to life then oh well for them.
But now, I am just disappointed and hurt. So many things in this life are already bound by "NO" that we don't need to help them. I am beginning to wonder if "NO" is an exuse to not feel the reality of feelings and bear the burden of brokenness. We draw our lines in the sand, we cut our losses, we say goodbye, all in the name of health.
But ya know, sometimes it's the "NO" that is unhealthy. Sometimes you have to go straight into hell and stay there for a while and not run away and say "NO" to "NO".
But, as I am learning, that takes way more courage than most people have.
At first I was lackadaisical about the whole thing - if people want to say "NO" to life then oh well for them.
But now, I am just disappointed and hurt. So many things in this life are already bound by "NO" that we don't need to help them. I am beginning to wonder if "NO" is an exuse to not feel the reality of feelings and bear the burden of brokenness. We draw our lines in the sand, we cut our losses, we say goodbye, all in the name of health.
But ya know, sometimes it's the "NO" that is unhealthy. Sometimes you have to go straight into hell and stay there for a while and not run away and say "NO" to "NO".
But, as I am learning, that takes way more courage than most people have.
Friday, January 6
yet another reason to convert
You get to go to churches like this:
Holy Hill Cathedral outside of Milwakee, WI
The drive to this place is spectacular. From a tiny road you see this awesome church building from five or six miles away. Wow.
Holy Hill Cathedral outside of Milwakee, WI
The drive to this place is spectacular. From a tiny road you see this awesome church building from five or six miles away. Wow.
Thursday, January 5
Reading
So school has begun and so has the reading - only like 250 pages due by Monday! Yes!
While I enjoy reading, what I enjoy even more is finding great little tidbits of universal truth tucked lovingly into very specific contexts. I love this because the author always seems to be making some fantastic point and may honestly believe that what they are writing could only possibly apply to the subject on which they expound.
I found a great one today - long live the forest for the trees!!!!
"A crisis is not necessarily a bad thing. The original meaning of the word has to do with a moment of decision, hence a turning point toward a new direction."
Amen.
While I enjoy reading, what I enjoy even more is finding great little tidbits of universal truth tucked lovingly into very specific contexts. I love this because the author always seems to be making some fantastic point and may honestly believe that what they are writing could only possibly apply to the subject on which they expound.
I found a great one today - long live the forest for the trees!!!!
"A crisis is not necessarily a bad thing. The original meaning of the word has to do with a moment of decision, hence a turning point toward a new direction."
Amen.
Wednesday, January 4
New Year...
It is 2006. I remember being in sixth grade in 1989 (whew!) and thinking "Wow - in the year 2006 I will be 28."
The obvious connection is...
Classes start today for my last quarter at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, CA. I am taking Women, the Bible and the Church with Dr. David Scholar, NT 1:Gospels with Marienne Meye Thompson, and doing my Master's Project.
Oh yeah, I am also finishing an independent study in Theological Anthropology and Revelation of God with Ray Anderson. So -- big ass quarter. Oh, and another thing, I have a BF to keep track of, although I really think he actually hates the notion of either of us keeping track of each other and he probably wouldn't even care if I lost track of him, and that is a good thing even though at first it doesn't sound like it.
And the most important thing: my family is, well, exploding. But all good things must come to end I suppose.
I am not looking forard to the stress associated with school and work but it all gets chalked up to experience. Ce la vie.
I hope to have more news later with more enjoyable things to say. For now though, reality bites.
I guess a picture will brighten the mood:
friends last quarter at Desiree's DJ Bash with the AA studies department. Fun was had by all.
The obvious connection is...
Classes start today for my last quarter at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, CA. I am taking Women, the Bible and the Church with Dr. David Scholar, NT 1:Gospels with Marienne Meye Thompson, and doing my Master's Project.
Oh yeah, I am also finishing an independent study in Theological Anthropology and Revelation of God with Ray Anderson. So -- big ass quarter. Oh, and another thing, I have a BF to keep track of, although I really think he actually hates the notion of either of us keeping track of each other and he probably wouldn't even care if I lost track of him, and that is a good thing even though at first it doesn't sound like it.
And the most important thing: my family is, well, exploding. But all good things must come to end I suppose.
I am not looking forard to the stress associated with school and work but it all gets chalked up to experience. Ce la vie.
I hope to have more news later with more enjoyable things to say. For now though, reality bites.
I guess a picture will brighten the mood:
friends last quarter at Desiree's DJ Bash with the AA studies department. Fun was had by all.
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