Altruistic Vengeance

So my sis Michelle and I are in the midst of this party thing that the School of Psych is throwing for the School of Theology. We like to laugh at things like this.
Here's the dialogue:
M1: So, what is this thing?
M2: Um, a party SOP is throwing for SOT.
M1: Weird. That's a nice step toward integration.
M2: Yeah, well, SOT threw a party for SOP last quarter. I think they are trying to get back at us.
M1: Alturuistic Vengeance!
M1 & M2: HA HA HA HA HAH
M2: I gotta blog that.
M1: Cool. Do I get royalties?

DUE DATES

OK, so SARA is due on the 3rd
and
KYLIAH is due on the 12th.

of August.

I am writing it here now so that when I forget again I know I will have a place to look it up.
Thank God for blogs!

Random thoughts for the morning

It was 85 degrees last Friday when K-dog and I studied and ate fruit together. K is on the prego track, with lil' Villa due August 12 or 3rd. The reason I can't remember which is b/c BF Sara is also due in August - on the 12 or 3rd. So I can't remember which is which.
Anyway, K did this cool thing with her orange before she ate it:

She split up all the sections before she put any of them in her mouth. When I asked her why she told me of how when she was little, her mom would put the oranges in the fridge and they would be too cold and she hated it - so she would split up the oranges to make them warm up.
I love you, K, and I love what makes you tick - I am so blessed!

OK NEXT RANDOM THING:

I thought this beer looked neon. Kinda Wierd - but even weirder is how the bubble pattern looks like Jack from Nightmare Before Christmas. Also check out the reflection of the beer in the water.
See - I told you beverages are cool to photograph!

Another blessing:

This is how my church does business.
We just call each other church and leave post-its in simple form to get the message across.
I love my church - it is so cool because when I say that I mean that I love the people that make up my community. It has been a while since I was able to say that - I am so thankful.
I love my church.
I love my church.
I love my church?

Wow. Rad.

Ambiguous

Blind date = great
We were = Kinda flirty; kinda friendly.
Intrigued = definitely would go out again.
Let's see if he e-mails...

(but why didn't he ask for my number? hmmmm...)


OK - I am editing this post on March 6th - since the blind date we have chatted and ummmm...no dice for me. Great guy, but "it" is not so much there for me (or him!?) Hope to be friends - looks like that is a better option for us - just in case ya'll cared to know (Rachel - I know YOU care!!)

Weird

I have a blind date tonight. Rad.

LOOK!

Yeah - this was in a vending machine at Disneyland/California Adventure!
SOOO Funny!
Can you guess where that vending machine was?


These guys are great - they make me smile and laugh and we make a great D-land team. Who else can you stand in line AND talk spiritual warfare with at the same time? Ah- I am so blessed! :)

Starting a church is good for the soul

So my friends Maria (how DO you solve a problem like Maria?) and Mickey (he's so fine he blows my mind!) started a church because we wanted to actually BE a church in real life!!!
Soon came along Andrea and Kyle and Jamie and Katrina and Mark and Thies. Wow - this this is growing pretty quick like. I guess I just wanted to let you all know that for the first time in 4 years I looked forward to going to church. Kinda sad considering I worked for churches all in the past four years.
I realize that I am on the recovery from major burn out. You would think that it wouldn't take too long to recover, but apparently it has taken me quite a while.
The great news is that I was beginning to wonder if I would ever be able to go to church again without being nauseus for 3 days after - good news- no sickness in a month and a half. God is using this community to heal my heart - FINALLY!!!!!!
I actually sang worship music today with a full heart- i have been waiting for that to stir up again for a while too.

I love God so much. God knows me so well and touches my leperous heart anyway. God strokes my hair and reads me love poems and whispers sweet nothings into my ears and loves loves loves me - what an honor to have the creator of the universe hold your hand and kiss the nape of your neck.
I am honored to be the bride.
May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, my God - my Rock - my Redeemer.

AUDIO BLOG IS HERE!!!!

I totally can call in an blog stuff like leaving a message so weird so cool so will get you in trouble if you play it in class!!!!

Righteousness

so I am in class and I SHOULD NOT be blogging (it is harder for a seminarian to get into heaven...)
Anyway, the point was brought up about righteousness:

Righteousness and self-righteousness are not the same thing.

the Righteous and the Self-Righteous are not equivicated.

hMMMMMM more about that later.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

I fess up: my favorite photographer is Rachel - Whether she likes it or not. Because she is my favorite, I copy her.
I have found I like taking pictures of beverage containers. Glasses, cups, mugs; with beverage, without, half-full/empty (take your pick), etc.
I am trying to figure out why I like these things so much - there has GOT to be a theology/psychology/spirituality/emotional-ity reason for this.
OOOO- that'll be FUN to figure out - more on THAT later!
In the meantime: have a look-see at my attempts to be as Rad as Rachel. (now THAT is a great name for a band!!!- OOO I love it! oooo! the ideas are just all over the place this morning!!! OOO!!! OOO!!!

I did it!!!!

For the first time ever I read poetry that I have written in front of people. And I didn't pee my pants! Yes!

Sundance

Ok, so I tried like nineteen thousand times to upload some pics from my trip to no avail. (Exaggeration is a beautiful thing idinit?)

Sundance was, as I expected, a wonderful experience. The films were, overall, not as emotionally impactful as last year. Every film I walked out of last year bowled me over with sadness or happiness or fury or whatever. Most films this year produced a lackluster "well, ok."

However, this paved the way for God to do some extremely powerful heart stuff with the film Forgiven.
The story has absolutely NOTHING to do with what is going in my life - it references no personality, no action, no event - nothing! YET, in the midst of that, God saw fit to release in me the knowledge of the unforgivable.
While watching, the painful realization that the unforgivable has happened to me, to all of us, has occurred. Some people have sustained more injury - some have a long, long list of the unforgivable in their lives. Some have been beaten and betrayed by those who were called to be closest to them, some have been denied love and grace by those who preached it. Some have been sacrificed to the lions in order to appease the king of self. All completely unforgivable.

This sounds really harsh - but ya know - it is true and real. We learn from the gospels that Christ says that there is only one unforgivable sin - you know, the HS blasphemy stuff. I think we take this verse and apply it to ourselves and that causes us to deny our own feelings of betrayal and pain. I think Jesus is trying to tell us that there is only one sin that GOD finds unforgivable. But we humans, well, there are a whole hellava lot of sins that we find, or at least I find, unforgivable. And that is actually a good thing.

It is good because until we ADMIT that we feel pained and beaten, until we fess up to the fact that we cannot forgive, until we stand naked in our pissed-offense in front of our Creator, until we relinquish our inability to wash anybody's slate clean, we cannot truly forgive them. I learned that I cannot forgive, I can only allow God to forgive through me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me - forgiveness is a vastly more spiritual encounter than we realize.

I felt God tell me it was ok to say out loud to the world, to myself, to my family, to my friends, etc. that I feel they have done the unforgivable.
THEN I am to forgive anyway - rather let go of wanting God to not forgive them - let go of thinking that God did not see.
I learned that forgiveness is not forgiveness until I admit that there is a sacrifice involved. Christ said that it was easy to love those who love us - anyone can do that - but to love those who hate you - to forgive those who do not deserve it - that is true love, deep love, and commitment to God.
I have discovered that I have only thought that I have forgiven people.
Now I can actually let God forgive people, and that lets me forgive people.
I felt the presence of a Father God in that theater: he whooshed through my soul with great grief and asked me to do the unforgivable: to release those who do not deserve to be released.
I guess that means that true forgiveness means releasing those who do not deserve to be released.

I vaguely feel that God really has kept every one of my tears in bottle.
I am sitting on the couch next to a God who sees and is hurting next to me. In this I find great comfort.
Paracaleo.

Reading

Reading, I sit in the darkish
The light behind me, illuminating dirty black poorly photocopied
Old sad pages
That like macabre twisted farce make me laugh
I hate that I am laughing

Reading, dipped in chocolate information
The light above me, glowing around my chapped fingers
Shaking leaf, am I
A little bit more understanding today than yesterday
I ache that laughing is stilled

Reading, I am in heaven’s palm
The light around me, dim but present, barely touchable –
My cavernous heart
Is weeping gently and longing for God to explain
Why it is not time to laugh yet

Reading, I stop reading
The light from within me glows sundown red-orange-pink
Breaks our horizon, like sunsets, we cannot touch
We can only saturate from a far, far place
What would be lost if too close

My will settles for too far
My soul pines for too close
And I pick up pages
And begin to read again.

And then from....

Last night with a good friend proved to be a very healing experience for me.

He read to me Rilke:
And then, from his place of ambush, God lept out.

I have been marinating in that and plan to stay marinating for a while.
I am so thankful for the language of thinkness, for the spell of words that dazzle and draw into heaven's paths. So amazed by the tenderness of breath and teeth and tongue that serve peace and grace.

Words aptly spoken truly are apples of gold in settings of silver.
Thank you, my dear friend. You know who you are.

More on Sundance to come.....