So, Xmas is around the corner; I don't know about you but I am NOT ready! I still have perfect presents to purchase (like my alliteration?). I am not so much in the usual spirit of Christmas this year - Christmas is different this year. Maybe I am just tired. Really tired. Yesterday, Prez Mouw (Or maybe it was Provosts Lingenfelter?) gave a little speechy thing at the staff Xmas party for Fuller. He mentioned that this year has been a bad year for humanity.
This is true:
Tsunami
Hurricane
Earthquakes
Monsoons
Rosa Parks, Announcer Bill, Myung Jin, Linda's Dad AND son, Richard Pryor, Ben's friend - all passed on
Bombings
War
Anger
All this and more in the last twelve months.
So Christmas is different this year.
This year, I am not thinking about family and friends and joy.
This year, I am looking not at birth - I am looking at myself - very, very pregnant.
This year has been about morning sickness, contractions, breaking water and birthing pains. This year has been about Mary being young and virgin and doubted and scorned and unbelieved and untrusted.
This year has been the icy chill of the night air on fresh baby skin and the stink of manure and animal sweat.
So what do we do? Do we shed toiled tears? I know I do.
I wish I could live in this misery, to hover lustfully in melancholy, but the crying Jesus does not allow me. I desire to be hurt; pissed even, at this God who loves me perfectly because my perfect is not God's perfect. But I cannot. I cannot be damned.
It is through this thorny labor that God is asking me if Christmas was ever meant to be about joy and hope and good for joy and hope and good's sake. It is through the agony of doubled over cramping that Christ is wondering of me where mercy - true, universal, precious mercy - is. Teenage Jesus is playing catch with me, lobbing me baseballs of muse: "Is giving birth worth the pain? Is the life worth the labor?" and I keep missing easy tosses.
I am dropping the ball.
And in his eyes I see the patience of my earthy father when at the schoolyard I could not hit far enough to make brother Ben run.
In his face I see my mother's tear-red cheeks - the disappointment of unconditional love betrayed – unwilling to let go of me.
Uh oh.
New conceptions are afoot –
Could it be that (?!)
Joy isn’t happiness, it is thankfulness so deep that it feels obligatory?
Hope isn’t wishing, it is a soul crying out (demanding maybe?) for the beginning of life outside of womb?
Good isn’t nice, it is just rightness and justice and wholeness brought through the twinge of hard, hard work.
My friends, this year Christmas is very different.
This year Christmas is undeserved and unlovely.
This year Christmas is expensive. It is the reminder of costly, costly grace.
Thursday, December 15
Tuesday, December 6
some external processing for you
There is always so much to say and never enough energy to actually say it- in writing that is. I realize that I come with these great little thoughts and jot them down in my journal and then, since its all spilled out already, I don't have enough emotional motivation to get it here on the blog-o-licious.
My friend Dave had a beautiful b-day party on Saturday night. At one point we were discussing the necessary ingredients for artistic creativity to occur:
1. Inspiration
2. Time
3. Energy
Dave has discovered that if all three are not present, then nary an art project is to be found. I find myself in the same boat as Dave.
- I sit at the piano, composition book in tow; not a single note will grace the page.
- I sit in Peet's Coffee studying frantically, writing like the wind a paper due last yesterday Monday morning and a symphony popcorns in my ears.
- I sit on my bed, eyes wearily glazed but time flowing freely, and lyrics chug like a freight train through my thoughts.
It has been a long time since I wrote a good song. It's been a long time since I have written a good anything. I guess I am thinking about it since my computer's operating system crashed last week the night before my final paper in Spirituality and Everyday Life was due and I have none of what I was getting back to (eventually, right?) left. I suppose it is a lesson in taking your own giftings for granted.
I buried my talents deep in "desktop" file folders and "my documents" bins, only to have it be disheveled and destroyed by time and inadequate technology. This, I guess you are thinking, is wonderful! It has spurred me toward re-creating life and reusing talents for good.
Actually, the only thing it has spurred is my desire to buy a new computer. I'm getting a MAC.
You know, you need to be careful what you say - cuz God hears this stuff. The computer thing is case in point. Like three weeks ago, I mentioned to BF Paul that I couldn't wait till my computer crashed so I could buy a MAC.
'Nuff said.
My friend Dave had a beautiful b-day party on Saturday night. At one point we were discussing the necessary ingredients for artistic creativity to occur:
1. Inspiration
2. Time
3. Energy
Dave has discovered that if all three are not present, then nary an art project is to be found. I find myself in the same boat as Dave.
- I sit at the piano, composition book in tow; not a single note will grace the page.
- I sit in Peet's Coffee studying frantically, writing like the wind a paper due last yesterday Monday morning and a symphony popcorns in my ears.
- I sit on my bed, eyes wearily glazed but time flowing freely, and lyrics chug like a freight train through my thoughts.
It has been a long time since I wrote a good song. It's been a long time since I have written a good anything. I guess I am thinking about it since my computer's operating system crashed last week the night before my final paper in Spirituality and Everyday Life was due and I have none of what I was getting back to (eventually, right?) left. I suppose it is a lesson in taking your own giftings for granted.
I buried my talents deep in "desktop" file folders and "my documents" bins, only to have it be disheveled and destroyed by time and inadequate technology. This, I guess you are thinking, is wonderful! It has spurred me toward re-creating life and reusing talents for good.
Actually, the only thing it has spurred is my desire to buy a new computer. I'm getting a MAC.
You know, you need to be careful what you say - cuz God hears this stuff. The computer thing is case in point. Like three weeks ago, I mentioned to BF Paul that I couldn't wait till my computer crashed so I could buy a MAC.
'Nuff said.
Tuesday, November 29
Thanksgiving...
I spent Thanksgiving in WISCONSIN. That is so weird. BUT I had never seen a great lake before and I must say, Lake Michigan is quite beautiful. I was informed by my hostess that, technically, the great lakes are not really lakes at all, but "large freshwater seas". SO - here is a pic of Large Freshwater Sea Michigan from the sitting room of my buddy Hillary's parents home
I also "enjoyed" over 45 hours in the seated position either in a plane or car in a period of 4 days. Boo. My butt is killing me.
In the plane (because really you are not ON the plane, you are in it) I was graced to read American Way the American Airlines Sky Mag. This was nothing less than disturbing. At first I though the most disturbing thing was an ad for luxury condos that haven't even been built yet in Las Vegas.
But then I saw this.
Wow.
I also "enjoyed" over 45 hours in the seated position either in a plane or car in a period of 4 days. Boo. My butt is killing me.
In the plane (because really you are not ON the plane, you are in it) I was graced to read American Way the American Airlines Sky Mag. This was nothing less than disturbing. At first I though the most disturbing thing was an ad for luxury condos that haven't even been built yet in Las Vegas.
But then I saw this.
Wow.
Tuesday, November 15
I took this stupid test because I like stupid tests. Check out my answers then, by golly, do it yourself!!!!
| The Keys to Your Heart |
 You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
Can YOU pass eighth grade math??????
| You Passed 8th Grade Math |
 |
So Strange....
There are lots of things that I am finding strange lately. For example:
Why do they sell golf balls with Baseball team logos on them? What is it that makes golf and baseball peacefully coexist?
I think it's just another marketing scam. Damn those Yankees.
Why do they sell golf balls with Baseball team logos on them? What is it that makes golf and baseball peacefully coexist?
I think it's just another marketing scam. Damn those Yankees.
Wednesday, November 9
Believe me Ariel...
When Ariel Sings
When Ariel sings the music pierces souls and magnifies the Creator
So close we can smell Her and Him and Son and Spirit
When Ariel cries the tears are a potion bottled and set upon the Creators
Shelf, and is used as a Pensieve for the angels
When Ariel laughs fairies are born and children are raised from the dead and beauty returns to center
When Ariel prays the heavens cease movement.
God harkens.
God stops.
God shushes the playing kingdom and demands attention be paid.
When Ariel sleeps the One does not.
When Ariel doubts the One believes.
When Ariel is weak the One is strong.
When Ariel introspects she sees mud and filth and blood and yuck and muck and asks
“Why?!
Why?!
Why?!!!?!?!?!”
And Creator answers:
“When Ariel sings the music pierces the soul
And magnifies Me
And I am so close, so very close.”
And many can taste Creator One: Her and Him and Son and Spirit.
When Ariel sings the music pierces souls and magnifies the Creator
So close we can smell Her and Him and Son and Spirit
When Ariel cries the tears are a potion bottled and set upon the Creators
Shelf, and is used as a Pensieve for the angels
When Ariel laughs fairies are born and children are raised from the dead and beauty returns to center
When Ariel prays the heavens cease movement.
God harkens.
God stops.
God shushes the playing kingdom and demands attention be paid.
When Ariel sleeps the One does not.
When Ariel doubts the One believes.
When Ariel is weak the One is strong.
When Ariel introspects she sees mud and filth and blood and yuck and muck and asks
“Why?!
Why?!
Why?!!!?!?!?!”
And Creator answers:
“When Ariel sings the music pierces the soul
And magnifies Me
And I am so close, so very close.”
And many can taste Creator One: Her and Him and Son and Spirit.
Wednesday, November 2
Maria loves me and tells me this...
The LORD will hold you in his hands for all to see--a splendid crown in the hands of God.
Never again will you be called the Godforsaken City or the Desolate Land. Your new name will be the City of God's Delight and the Bride of God, for the LORD delights in you and will claim you as his own.
Is. 62:3-4
thank you Maria
Never again will you be called the Godforsaken City or the Desolate Land. Your new name will be the City of God's Delight and the Bride of God, for the LORD delights in you and will claim you as his own.
Is. 62:3-4
thank you Maria
Tuesday, November 1
Being present for the present
I have had the realization over the past couple days that I have no idea how to be present in the present. I am always thinking of "what just happened" or "what lies ahead." I hate that!!! I wasn't quite convinced that I was so terrible at living for the moment, so I decided to take a "thought inventory" over the past couple days.
I did not censor my thoughts, I took note of them. Sadly, a good 90% of them had nothing to do with what I was actually doing. They strayed to the lands of "what if?" and "one time at band camp..." more times than actually staying put right in the middle of "wherever I go there I am." Instead of feeling sad, I fantasized situations that would make me feel better, instead of being thankful, I remembered times I had nothing, instead of being happy, I feared what it would be like to be unhappy again.
I think now I am really beginning to understand a couple of spiritual concepts that seem so simple:
1. Do not worry about tommorrow, for tommorrow will take care of itself. Who can add a hour to their life by worrying? Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, with prayer and thanksgiving make your requests known to God, and the peace of God (note this is not MY peace, but God's!) will guard your heart.
2. Mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice. Love your neighbor as yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. (I can't do nothin' for no one if I ain't got no clue where I'm at in the first place.)
I encourage all people to do this for a day. It totally screwed me up! It's great!
Chris told me a couple days ago that you can't sacrifice yourself if you don't know who you are. You can't sacrifice what you never owned.
Mary Engelbriet was right the whole time:
I did not censor my thoughts, I took note of them. Sadly, a good 90% of them had nothing to do with what I was actually doing. They strayed to the lands of "what if?" and "one time at band camp..." more times than actually staying put right in the middle of "wherever I go there I am." Instead of feeling sad, I fantasized situations that would make me feel better, instead of being thankful, I remembered times I had nothing, instead of being happy, I feared what it would be like to be unhappy again.
I think now I am really beginning to understand a couple of spiritual concepts that seem so simple:
1. Do not worry about tommorrow, for tommorrow will take care of itself. Who can add a hour to their life by worrying? Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, with prayer and thanksgiving make your requests known to God, and the peace of God (note this is not MY peace, but God's!) will guard your heart.
2. Mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice. Love your neighbor as yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. (I can't do nothin' for no one if I ain't got no clue where I'm at in the first place.)
I encourage all people to do this for a day. It totally screwed me up! It's great!
Chris told me a couple days ago that you can't sacrifice yourself if you don't know who you are. You can't sacrifice what you never owned.
Mary Engelbriet was right the whole time:
Thursday, October 27
I know it is true.
Last year at my bday, girlfriend Paige read aloud to the my party this poem. It was her gift to me, about me. Later that year, Chris bought the book form of it for me.
Today, I own it. I believe it. I embrace that this poem really is about me.
I am no longer worried about what others think - am I self-absorbed? Am I full of the pride of life?
Oh, I think not. I think those are labels that are put on women, all people actually, who know themselves. Jealousy and envy force the insecure to maul and misconstrue the securities in others.
When I am weak, oh Lord, I am strong. You have made me strong. You have made me the phenomenal women I am. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me - I have the mind of Christ. I am not a puppet on God's string, God is not my Professor Higgins.
I am a promise, I am a work of art, I am a symphony - I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am wholly other from my creator, yet everything I am is defined by my creator.
And you are too. Read and believe, my sisters. Read and believe.
Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.
Today, I own it. I believe it. I embrace that this poem really is about me.
I am no longer worried about what others think - am I self-absorbed? Am I full of the pride of life?
Oh, I think not. I think those are labels that are put on women, all people actually, who know themselves. Jealousy and envy force the insecure to maul and misconstrue the securities in others.
When I am weak, oh Lord, I am strong. You have made me strong. You have made me the phenomenal women I am. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me - I have the mind of Christ. I am not a puppet on God's string, God is not my Professor Higgins.
I am a promise, I am a work of art, I am a symphony - I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am wholly other from my creator, yet everything I am is defined by my creator.
And you are too. Read and believe, my sisters. Read and believe.
Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.
Tuesday, October 25
so much loss
Friends - it is the end of an era. Rosa Parks, age 92, passed away at her home in Detroit last night.
I am learning a new level of sorrow over that last couple weeks. So many people have died that have influenced my life. Some helped build my environment from afar - they helped build the color of life - baseball, civil rights, hope, some goodness in the world. Others helped build my heart - worship, friendship, pain and struggle.
Heart hurts.
I am learning a new level of sorrow over that last couple weeks. So many people have died that have influenced my life. Some helped build my environment from afar - they helped build the color of life - baseball, civil rights, hope, some goodness in the world. Others helped build my heart - worship, friendship, pain and struggle.
Heart hurts.
Thursday, October 20
With Sorrow
Bill King, announcer for the Oakland Athletics, died yesterday.
His voice will forever ring in my ears as a thread to my youth, my family, my culture.
Rest in Peace Bill - and up in heaven -
Play ball.
His voice will forever ring in my ears as a thread to my youth, my family, my culture.
Rest in Peace Bill - and up in heaven -
Play ball.
Tuesday, October 18
Be still my heart...
be still my heart
sit down my soul
come over and rest
perhaps be made whole
be not afraid
of this journey ahead
yes, the road rocky
fight on, instead
look to the mountain
for a help, for a touch
aware that your fearing
it's all too much
you will be ripped open
oh soul, you will cry
oh broken spirit
you'll wish you could die
you will wish for an end
to the torture and pain
you will weep for forgiveness
you'll feel crushed, insane -
even lonely and tired
and lost in the dark
own it and be it
don't shy from the mark
of a scar on your being
of the slice of the knife
that cuts out the tumors
invading your life
be still my heart
be brave my soul
embrace all of you
and in time -
be made whole
sit down my soul
come over and rest
perhaps be made whole
be not afraid
of this journey ahead
yes, the road rocky
fight on, instead
look to the mountain
for a help, for a touch
aware that your fearing
it's all too much
you will be ripped open
oh soul, you will cry
oh broken spirit
you'll wish you could die
you will wish for an end
to the torture and pain
you will weep for forgiveness
you'll feel crushed, insane -
even lonely and tired
and lost in the dark
own it and be it
don't shy from the mark
of a scar on your being
of the slice of the knife
that cuts out the tumors
invading your life
be still my heart
be brave my soul
embrace all of you
and in time -
be made whole
Wednesday, October 12
On Bruce Sutter...
On the greatness of relief pitcher Bruce Sutter - the man who had over 40 saves in 1984 and won the NL Rolaids Relief Award in 1979, 1981, 1982 and 1984 - Hank Greenwald (SF Giants broadcaster) replied:
"Three more saves and he ties John the Baptist."
Don't ever tell me there isn't theology in Baseball.
"Three more saves and he ties John the Baptist."
Don't ever tell me there isn't theology in Baseball.
Tuesday, October 11
Blast Open My Heart
Oh shucks. It's that special time again. Spiritual angioplasty.
Until an awesome time with MommaGod on Saturday morning I:
- Took too much responsibility for other peoples feelings.
- "Protected" people from pain, ultimately because I want to be protected from pain.
- Had not given myself permission to date. If I don't date, I won't hurt my single women friends. They won't be sad or lonely or jealous. Sorry girls - it's on - I'm dating whether you like it or not.
Speaking of permission: I give myself permission to be me all the time and actually do what I want to do and feel what I need to feel.
I give myself permission to not be who I was before Saturday morning.
Amen, MommaGod, Amen
Until an awesome time with MommaGod on Saturday morning I:
- Took too much responsibility for other peoples feelings.
- "Protected" people from pain, ultimately because I want to be protected from pain.
- Had not given myself permission to date. If I don't date, I won't hurt my single women friends. They won't be sad or lonely or jealous. Sorry girls - it's on - I'm dating whether you like it or not.
Speaking of permission: I give myself permission to be me all the time and actually do what I want to do and feel what I need to feel.
I give myself permission to not be who I was before Saturday morning.
Amen, MommaGod, Amen
Have to Verify
So I turned on this thing that makes you word verify your comments because I keep getting all these stupid spam comments! FIE!!!! Sorry for the inconvenience, not sorry for the getting rid of spam
Wednesday, October 5
Headshots! Yeah!
I got the link to the headshots that Cory Anderson took for me. WARNING! WARNING! Some of these are pretty bad, as headshots usually consist of snapping, snapping, snapping as you are talking, talking, talking. Tell me your favorites!!!!!! I need to pick one to print out to use for about 9 months. I am expecting comments here folks! Linkage:
http://www.candersonphotography.com/HeadShots/markwart/
http://www.candersonphotography.com/HeadShots/markwart/
Friday, September 30
Rachel influences yet again
got this link from www.b109.com (rachel) she always finds the cool stuff -
http://www.bostonmagazine.com/music
http://www.bostonmagazine.com/music
Just for Rachel...
Rachel - these pictures are per your request - I love you!!!!
The BatLeaf! nananananananana nananananananana - BAATLEEEEEF, BAATLEEEEEF, BAATLEEF!
41 Grove St. Boston MA on Beacon Hill. My parents first place ever. Hmmmm, I love it.
What?????? The pond is closed??????
Sad for frog!!!!
The BatLeaf! nananananananana nananananananana - BAATLEEEEEF, BAATLEEEEEF, BAATLEEF!
41 Grove St. Boston MA on Beacon Hill. My parents first place ever. Hmmmm, I love it.
What?????? The pond is closed??????
Sad for frog!!!!
Tuesday, September 27
Barely Survived
Loiusa May Allcot dolls at her place in Concord, MA. Wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to hang around like this with your buddies? I guess you can if you like rock climbing!It's true - I almost died on Friday night of exhaustion and embarrassment. Firstly, I was grumpy because half the sound equipment decided to not work during the concert, and secondly, I totally screwed up and stopped my dancer-friend Amber from finishing her dance because I hit the stop button too soon. I suck, Amber forgave me, but I still kinda feel stupid.
oh well- just another lesson in undeserved grace.
My work schedule changed dramatically this quarter and I now work 4 days a week, which is annoying but necessary. Gotta pay off those bills!
Went to a joint birthday party for my friends Jeff and Adam - HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEN!!! - last Saturday. Had a fabulous time for more than one reason ;)
I am looking forward to getting my headshots back next week and picking out a good one. Also looking forward to another trip to Disneyland soon.
God makes the weirdest things.
Friday, September 23
New School year
Welcome week is just about over and tonight is the big kick-off "party" for the school. I get to work a 12 hour day today! Wahoo! Maybe this will help pay off my vacation!
I think this quarter is going to be really good for my soul. As Sarah Groves sings, "it's been a hard year, but I'm pulling out of the rubble."
Mom and Dad are buying me headshots for my birthday - I am getting them done by my friend and pro photographer Cory Anderson. I'll get his website info up on a link later.
Sooooo - Sunday night at 5:30 pm - what is known as "the magic hour" in film - when the light is perfect, right before sunset, is my appt. SO EXCITED!
Anyway, lots of cool bros and sis's to be had this year, and lots of new life sprouting in between the cracks. (lots of music references today - hmmmm)
I promise more photos soon. As soon as I figure out what rachel meant in her comment to me!
On another note, the reading of the Harry Potter is going well. I have 8 more chapters in book 5 "The Order of the Phoenix" left, which means I would have achieved my goal of reading 1-5 in the month before school starts. I look forward to the November (?) release of movie 4, especially because I want to see what they include and cut out for the sake of time.
I saw a great bumper sticker: Republicans for Voldemort.
I think this quarter is going to be really good for my soul. As Sarah Groves sings, "it's been a hard year, but I'm pulling out of the rubble."
Mom and Dad are buying me headshots for my birthday - I am getting them done by my friend and pro photographer Cory Anderson. I'll get his website info up on a link later.
Sooooo - Sunday night at 5:30 pm - what is known as "the magic hour" in film - when the light is perfect, right before sunset, is my appt. SO EXCITED!
Anyway, lots of cool bros and sis's to be had this year, and lots of new life sprouting in between the cracks. (lots of music references today - hmmmm)
I promise more photos soon. As soon as I figure out what rachel meant in her comment to me!
On another note, the reading of the Harry Potter is going well. I have 8 more chapters in book 5 "The Order of the Phoenix" left, which means I would have achieved my goal of reading 1-5 in the month before school starts. I look forward to the November (?) release of movie 4, especially because I want to see what they include and cut out for the sake of time.
I saw a great bumper sticker: Republicans for Voldemort.
Friday, September 16
I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaack!
Okeedokee - here I am! back from the FABULOUSO trip to the east coast (check it out NOW! at www.tinkandarielgoeast.blogspot.com) and I am ready for the updatage on life. When last we met our heroine, she was deeply distressed over the lifestyle continuation on her vacation! She was rueing her decision to go east, merely because of the fear of failing to keep up with her weight loss journey!
Well, she is back, and after the dreaded vacation, after 3 pieces of carrot cake (at least), after 2 Cinnanon muffins, yes, even after FULL FAT ICE CREAM (gasp!!!)- she has returned triumphant in her call!
I LOST 5.2 POUNDS ON VACATION!!!!!! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY new weight as of last night? 193.2. I have NEVER weighed this in my adult life. NEVER. My freshman year of high school I was 210. by my senior year I was 250. At age 21 I was up to 280, lost 80 pounds and hung out between 200-210 for about 6 months. I think I weighed 195 for about a week - but never less than that.
Here I am at age 28, with both the will and the Way to walk in health and I weigh less now than in high school. This is really important to me.
total pounds lost so far: 79.2!
pics from vay-kay:
This is my Mommy's brother, Uncle Tom, my Aunt Barb, and Cous Kris (one of three - Cous Joe is in Mesa, AZ and Cous Jeff is at college) I guess I like the "stand-there-and-smile-like-a-goofball" pose, since I made everyone do it. Sorry, fam.
Well, she is back, and after the dreaded vacation, after 3 pieces of carrot cake (at least), after 2 Cinnanon muffins, yes, even after FULL FAT ICE CREAM (gasp!!!)- she has returned triumphant in her call!
I LOST 5.2 POUNDS ON VACATION!!!!!! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY new weight as of last night? 193.2. I have NEVER weighed this in my adult life. NEVER. My freshman year of high school I was 210. by my senior year I was 250. At age 21 I was up to 280, lost 80 pounds and hung out between 200-210 for about 6 months. I think I weighed 195 for about a week - but never less than that.
Here I am at age 28, with both the will and the Way to walk in health and I weigh less now than in high school. This is really important to me.
total pounds lost so far: 79.2!
pics from vay-kay:
This is my Mommy's brother, Uncle Tom, my Aunt Barb, and Cous Kris (one of three - Cous Joe is in Mesa, AZ and Cous Jeff is at college) I guess I like the "stand-there-and-smile-like-a-goofball" pose, since I made everyone do it. Sorry, fam.
Friday, August 26
If only my love was 39 pounds
Last Saturday my friend Justin and I went to the world premiere of new independent film 39 Pounds of Love. PLEASE check it out. Cute, funny, moving and beautifully made. You gotta see it.
Check it out at:
http://39poundsoflove.com/main.html
Check it out at:
http://39poundsoflove.com/main.html
Thursday, August 25
Good Music
This is my friend Brad. Brad makes good music. You should give a listen.
Link below and to the right.
http://www.underthethreshold.com/musicaudio.htm
Wednesday, August 24
On a completely different topic...
Just bought a new digital camera and am going to attempt to "picturcord" my upcoming road trip to the East Coast with my wonderful friend, Jenn (AKA Jennwith2ns, Ariel, Turtle, or - my personal favorite - Hot Momma). Here is Jenn ( I love this pic of her - she is so cute! Her eyes match her shirt PERFECT!) and an example of the first attempts at packing. I figure I will TRY to pack for 5 days worth even though the trip is 18 days. I am chalking it up to backpacking/triathalon preparation - where less is best. Who wants to carry 75lbs when you could carry 50lbs instead? If I wanted to carry an extra 75 lbs - I would never have joined WW!!!
interesting
Here is me today at work, and with my friend/coworker Jim. I have a lot of friends named Jim. Weird. WOW- I look almost as tired as I feel (up at 4:45am today for swim train - did I tell you I am in training for a triathalon!?)
This is about 9 months after my journey began. I weigh 198.
At my first weigh in, I was at 272.4. That was December 30th, 2004 - but I just say I started January 1st, 2005. This wasn't a new year's resolution, it's just that Jan 1 is an easy day to remember. I am the girl who didn't remember her anniversary with her last long-term boyfriend. Probably one of the reasons we broke up ;).
Visit with Gram
So, this is my Gram and my mom and myself. I think I weigh about 235, down 3osome lbs. I can't remember exactly when she came to visit- April 20something. I leave on August 27th, 2005 to see her (Gram) in PA - I will be about 40 lbs lighter than last time I saw her. That'll be neat. I still don't really see that much of a difference, but that is why my WW leader wanted me to make a progress board!
That's not all true. I see it in my face. I would like to see it in my butt more though- why can't my body shrink too????!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?
Journey of a hundred pounds?
One more just to prove that I wasn't kidding. Me and my parents out to breakfast with my friend Justin (who is taking the pic).
Tuesday, August 23
it would be funny if it weren't so true
oh my...is it true? Yes, friends, it is: Me at Tre's birthday last year. That was 5/29/04. I weight about 275 here. The pic below is with a buddy of mine, James.
This was 7 months before my Journey began.
Wednesday, June 8
A journey of a thousand miles...
...begins with one step so they say. And that is the story of Vernal Falls.
please note: you get a sneak peak at what I'm thinking in the italics
Episode IV: A New Hope
The days of May 19th-22nd proved to be the hurricane rather than the eye I was looking forward to. After a good weigh-in, a scramble to re-pack the car, a heart-felt conversation about being a grown up and self-care(inflicted by me to another), another car re-pack, an almost too slow pick-up of a terribly laid back friend, and yet another re-pack, four friends were on their way to Yosemite National Park to meet two others that were waiting for us.
After a 2:30am arrival, we slept and arose to tackle hiking on a beautiful Friday morning. Sophie found us a "moderate" hike and suggests that we all do a moderate hike and then we split up so that I could do an easy hike and the super-athletes could do a strenuos hike.
Great! I can't begin to think about doing a strenous hike! My friends are rad about taking my un-fit but into account. I am so embarrassed. Oh, well. I'm used to it.
So we head toward Vernal Falls.
Moderate was a good description of the 3/4 mile up/down/up/up/up/up/down trot to the bottom of the falls, where we met a small bridge and felt a light mist occasionally cool our bare flesh.
"The top of the falls is only another 3/4 mile - and besides, this is a moderate hike"
For 1/4 mile we climb steeply to a fork in the road. My heart is pumping pretty hard, but I am not in pain. My legs are tired. I hate being out of shape. Good thing I'm loosing weight. A small sea has formed in the small of back and around my neck from the salt-water spring that is my forehead I am so gross:
A sign:
Nevada Falls -->
Vernal Falls: go up
Genius girl (yeah, that's me) announces that she wants to go to the top. This is only a moderate - I can do a moderate right?
The others shrug and start up what quickly becomes the hardest hike most of us have experienced including the athletes. why is this so hard? what am I thinking? what am doing?
The last 1/2 mile is 600 granite steps of various shapes and sizes with a literal shower of Falls spray attacking like little darts.
The first step finds me looking up a massive wall of granite, soaked with icecold melt off.
Ok, I can do this - just take it slow. My confidence is building. I feel good. I can do this. I can do this.
My leg raises to connect with the first step, and suddenly this is no longer a hike up a fall.
It is a battle for the rest of my life.
More to come...
please note: you get a sneak peak at what I'm thinking in the italics
Episode IV: A New Hope
The days of May 19th-22nd proved to be the hurricane rather than the eye I was looking forward to. After a good weigh-in, a scramble to re-pack the car, a heart-felt conversation about being a grown up and self-care(inflicted by me to another), another car re-pack, an almost too slow pick-up of a terribly laid back friend, and yet another re-pack, four friends were on their way to Yosemite National Park to meet two others that were waiting for us.
After a 2:30am arrival, we slept and arose to tackle hiking on a beautiful Friday morning. Sophie found us a "moderate" hike and suggests that we all do a moderate hike and then we split up so that I could do an easy hike and the super-athletes could do a strenuos hike.
Great! I can't begin to think about doing a strenous hike! My friends are rad about taking my un-fit but into account. I am so embarrassed. Oh, well. I'm used to it.
So we head toward Vernal Falls.
Moderate was a good description of the 3/4 mile up/down/up/up/up/up/down trot to the bottom of the falls, where we met a small bridge and felt a light mist occasionally cool our bare flesh.
"The top of the falls is only another 3/4 mile - and besides, this is a moderate hike"
For 1/4 mile we climb steeply to a fork in the road. My heart is pumping pretty hard, but I am not in pain. My legs are tired. I hate being out of shape. Good thing I'm loosing weight. A small sea has formed in the small of back and around my neck from the salt-water spring that is my forehead I am so gross:
A sign:
Nevada Falls -->
Vernal Falls: go up
Genius girl (yeah, that's me) announces that she wants to go to the top. This is only a moderate - I can do a moderate right?
The others shrug and start up what quickly becomes the hardest hike most of us have experienced including the athletes. why is this so hard? what am I thinking? what am doing?
The last 1/2 mile is 600 granite steps of various shapes and sizes with a literal shower of Falls spray attacking like little darts.
The first step finds me looking up a massive wall of granite, soaked with icecold melt off.
Ok, I can do this - just take it slow. My confidence is building. I feel good. I can do this. I can do this.
My leg raises to connect with the first step, and suddenly this is no longer a hike up a fall.
It is a battle for the rest of my life.
More to come...
Monday, June 6
Embarrassing
So I decided to go on this hike that I went on last summer with my buddy Eric. Last summer I was totally out of breath, unable to make it to the top without stopping 8bazillion times, and really hurting the next day.
I thought that I would go and prove to myself that after all this freaking hard work, I could make it up the dumb mountain without stopping; that I would conquer this heckof hard hike after all.
SO, I start out at 10:40 yesterday morning at the trailhead. By 11:50 I was sitting on a rock past the peak and looking at a blanket (crazy-cool - it looked EXACTLY like a blanket) of clouds covering the Tri-Valley. And I wasn't even breathing hard.
The thing is, I am totally embarrassed. Seriously folks, this, honestly, was an easy hike: slight incline for .5 mile, flatish for about a mile, kinda steep incline on switchbacks for .25 mile. Yes, yes: any human will have sweat and heavier breathing ensue, but not that much. It was the weirdest mix of emotions I have had so far with this health journey - I was glad that I hiked, but terribly shamed that I couldn't do it before.
My Dad tried to cheer me up by telling me to "rejoice in the fact that I saw a significant improvement in my cardiovascular function." Thanks Dad.
You always see the healthy side of life.
Several other friends are like "great job" and "you did it" and that is rad, but I still have this horrible feeling that I should have been able to do it in the first place.
I guess I had a reality check: I was really, really, really, really unfit. Really.
I don't think I ever realized exactly how unfit I was.
Wow, there's a dose of mortality for you. Rather, for me.
Well, enough of that. Next weekend looks like a hike up to the Hollywood sign. Hopefully I will remember to bring my camera for once.
I thought that I would go and prove to myself that after all this freaking hard work, I could make it up the dumb mountain without stopping; that I would conquer this heckof hard hike after all.
SO, I start out at 10:40 yesterday morning at the trailhead. By 11:50 I was sitting on a rock past the peak and looking at a blanket (crazy-cool - it looked EXACTLY like a blanket) of clouds covering the Tri-Valley. And I wasn't even breathing hard.
The thing is, I am totally embarrassed. Seriously folks, this, honestly, was an easy hike: slight incline for .5 mile, flatish for about a mile, kinda steep incline on switchbacks for .25 mile. Yes, yes: any human will have sweat and heavier breathing ensue, but not that much. It was the weirdest mix of emotions I have had so far with this health journey - I was glad that I hiked, but terribly shamed that I couldn't do it before.
My Dad tried to cheer me up by telling me to "rejoice in the fact that I saw a significant improvement in my cardiovascular function." Thanks Dad.
You always see the healthy side of life.
Several other friends are like "great job" and "you did it" and that is rad, but I still have this horrible feeling that I should have been able to do it in the first place.
I guess I had a reality check: I was really, really, really, really unfit. Really.
I don't think I ever realized exactly how unfit I was.
Wow, there's a dose of mortality for you. Rather, for me.
Well, enough of that. Next weekend looks like a hike up to the Hollywood sign. Hopefully I will remember to bring my camera for once.
Monday, May 23
A new me....
Last Friday I climbed to the top of Vernal Falls in Yosemite. I also made the commitment to never go back to my old life. Ever. More details to come
Friday, February 18
Does time heal all things?
It has been many months since I have had enough emotional energy to actually post something. It is hard to write about your feelings when you think that no one is reading. Then again, it is hard to write when you know people are reading.
A season is over. I am no longer getting paid by a church to be a minister. Now I just get paid by God. That may be a better deal - for divinty to be keeping track instead of humanity.
He takes out more taxes though. :)
I am looking forward to a season of research and writing.
Filmmaking is in the future.
Yes, things are a changin'
A season is over. I am no longer getting paid by a church to be a minister. Now I just get paid by God. That may be a better deal - for divinty to be keeping track instead of humanity.
He takes out more taxes though. :)
I am looking forward to a season of research and writing.
Filmmaking is in the future.
Yes, things are a changin'
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